Sometimes I close my eyes and I dream.

[judecorp]

Sometimes I close my eyes and I dream. I'm working some Big Gay Job somewhere, and Jen is off making decent money interacting with people in a way that she loves. We're able to squirrel some money away, spend time together, and things move on a pretty even keel. We pay off her credit card. I sit on a Board of Directors somewhere, and we engage in some sort of volunteer project together. She paints, occasionally selling something, and maybe teaches a class somewhere. We're content.

She gets pregnant, we work things out so that I can work less hours. Eventually we have a baby. We also become foster parents. Our family grows. We adopt. We have a home, a yard, a dog that irritates our cats. We interview preschools and host playgroups. I run a small child care center out of the home, perhaps, in the interim. We take family vacations in the car, driving to sentimental destinations like Rehoboth Beach. We get older, attending school plays, art shows, dance recitals, awards nights, sports games. No one stares. Our hallway is full of photographs and blue ribbons. We celebrate our 15th anniversary, our 20th, our 40th. We grow older, continuing to volunteer while also expanding our horizons on trips to foreign countries. We're 65 and we take ballroom dancing classes.

Sometimes I close my eyes and I dream. And then I open them again, and I try so hard to believe that it's possible, that it can happen, that it will happen. I can see it all so clearly, yet it's clearly so out of reach. It's a one-way mirror and I don't know if the dream even knows I'm watching, waiting. I'm not sure that it will ever know.

Comments

[oxlahun.livejournal.com]

The dream knows. And it is waiting for you to catch up to it. It is as patient as it is beatiful; don't be worried that it seems you're not making progress quick enough. You are making progress, and the dream knows.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I do very much hope you are right.

(I also miss you.)

[folkyboy.livejournal.com]

Jen carrying a baby?! wha?!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You seem surprised.

[livinganthology.livejournal.com]

why is it that you are better at articulating my thoughts than I am?

I dream and dream and dream... and I'm lost in what comes next, almost bitter that the things that keep me from actuality are just beyond my reach...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I think we just articulate our dreams in different ways. For me, it's occasional words on a screen. For you, light fingertips on even lighter skin.

We're just different kinds of writers.

[damdyke.livejournal.com]

That's a really nice dream. I really enjoyed this post.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :)

[indigodove.livejournal.com]

I think that is a dream that will come true...don't let the fact that it's a bit far off now discourage you.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I sure hope you're right, my friend!

[prunesnprisms.livejournal.com]

I think it can happen. =) I have faith in your ability and in Jen to make it so.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I do hope you're right. Most days right now I do not share your optimism.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you have imagined.

[cappucinogrrl.livejournal.com]

Carl Sandburg:
Nothing happens unless first a dream.

Anatole France:
To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.

George Bernard Shaw (not RFK):
Some men see things as they are and say, "Why?" I dream of things that never were and say, "Why not?"

Gloria Steinem:
Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.

Henry David Thoreau:
I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

Jesse Jackson:
No one should negotiate their dreams. Dreams must be free to flee and fly high. No government, no legislature, has a right to limit your dreams. You should never agree to surrender your dreams.

Marcel Proust:
If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time.

Margaret Mead:
The liberals have not softened their view of actuality to make themselves live closer to the dream, but instead sharpen their perceptions and fight to make the dream actuality or give up the battle in despair.

Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I look forward confidently to the day when all who work for a living will be one with no thought to their separateness as Negroes, Jews, Italians or any other distinctions. This will be the day when we bring into full realization the American dream -- a dream yet unfulfilled. A dream of equality of opportunity, of privilege and property widely distributed; a dream of a land where men will not take necessities from the many to give luxuries to the few; a dream of a land where men will not argue that the color of a man's skin determines the content of his character; a dream of a nation where all our gifts and resources are held not for ourselves alone, but as instruments of service for the rest of humanity; the dream of a country where every man will respect the dignity and worth of the human personality.


John Lennon:
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one.

Victor Hugo:
There is nothing like a dream to create the future.

Zadok Rabinowitz:
A man's dreams are an index to his greatness.

Re: Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you have imagined.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thank you. You are an inspiration, my friend!

[spacecadetjen.livejournal.com]

*wipes tears from eyes*

That's really sweet that you dream of such a life. I think if you take it one day at a time and hold onto your dreams, it can happen. :-)

I'm very happy for the both of you. :-D

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I hope you're right. I'd really like to think they can all come true someday!

Some days it just seems like even /parts/ of that dream are so freaking far away. It's so frustrating to think that we can't even afford a matinee movie right now, let alone a house or a baby.

[ladywinter-.livejournal.com]

beautiful dreams :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[hoo.livejournal.com]

Your sentimental place is Rehoboth Beach!

I think that just made my day.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, you know, I hooked up with this girl there, and umm... yeah.

[laserkitty.livejournal.com]

I've said it several times before and i'll say it again - I love the way you write.

Have you thought about doing it professionally? Seriously!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Seriously? No.

For starters, I lack discipline. For finishers, I don't think I could do it with any sort of regularity. I think that if I ever write something I really like, I might try submitting it somewhere. Someday. :)

[kieron.livejournal.com]

It may seem out of reach right now or again or some other time...but it isn't....

It's my dream as well. And with both of us determined, we will succeed.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I sure hope you're right.

[changinglight.livejournal.com]

The clarity of your dream is beautiful, and it will only help it come true.

As far as big queer jobs, have you looked into Fenway Community Health Center (you probably have), but I know that they're almost always looking for social workers...

be well, and keep the dreams coming.
christina

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I actually sent my resume to Fenway for an available position a couple of weeks ago, and had an interview with them last week. That's my current Dream Job and I am holding out for it, but I'm not sure I'm who they're looking for in this particular job (Victim Advocate). Still, I tried to pull some strings and maybe something will come of it!

If not, I will keep checking back with them periodically. One never knows!