Between classes

[judecorp]

I'm sitting next to Christa who is printing out scads and scads of reserve articles. Trees are screaming. The people desperately printing out papers must be having heart attacks. She is a one woman printing machine (the little social work computer lab has one printer, you see). But she's a friendly warm body next to me, and well, that's always appreciated.

I did half of my paper last night before I burned out and stopped making sense. Of course, when I came into class today and saw how other people did theirs, I really liked the formatting - so I will probably spend some time changing mine around a bit. Yeah. Either way, everyone is confused about the assignment, and most people are "elaborating." Good. Shouldn't take more than an hour and a half tonight to do the summary and analysis parts. No problemo.

Hope, Megan and I went to Johnny Rocket's for dinner. I'd never been there and let me tell you, I love kitsch. So I was in heaven. Well, that was probably because of the root beer float. Mmmm. Our little server person was so adorable and totally looked like he was from the 1950s, except that he needed Buddy Holly type glasses. Which reminds me, I need to make an eye appointment before I lose my insurance - Hope is going to help me pick out new glasses, and I want some contacts too, in case I want to get back into sports. (But not during school - I'm having enough of a hard time juggling work and internship and classes and volunteering. Ugh.)

Boy am I tired. And I will never make it through Individuals class. It tends to get boring, especially when we watch the therapy training videos. Blah! And after Individuals is work. The fun never ends. Then race home to write the paper. Lucky, lucky me.

I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now. My life is full of stressors in all different directions - school, internship (where I now have so many clients I'm going nuts), impending divorce planning (why can't /he/ do any of this? he's the "I just want to be friends" person here), job, and I'm starting to feel a little poopy about the fact that I haven't volunteered at Kaleidoscope in a long while. Phooey. I also have a very dear friend whom I love dearly who's really going through some tough times, and another who's making some big life changes, and they keep my head and heart busy. I really don't have time for any additional stressors or drama. ARE YOU LISTENING UP THERE??!?

I got an invitation to a friend's wedding and I would REALLY like to attend. I miss her so much (I knew her when I lived in Bangor, Maine)! But it is on the evening of 22 December in Windsor, Ontario, and there's no way I could go there with enough time to head to my hometown for the holidays. If it had been just ONE WEEKEND EARLIER - though it's probably better for her family to have it near the holidays, so it will be a big Christmas party. I'm bummed, though. I really want to go. And I got an invitation to rainy's engagement party on 2 December in Boston, and I won't be able to make that either. I'll have to send Baga. The upside: It was /wonderful/ to receive 2 big deal pieces of mail in my former name, AND to have them say 'Jude and guest.' Mmmm. SingleJude. Very nice.

Except at bedtime. I miss the Shirt Fairy.

Comments

[juliann.livejournal.com]

He can't do any of the divorce stuff since he knows he'll have to start paying you back the car money. If you waited on him it would never get done, since he knows he loses out financially.

Oh, good point.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I guess I hadn't thought about that. I was more thinking about the practicalities, like how when I leave, his house will be filthy, he won't have a single person in the universe to talk to, and his bills will all be lost and unpaid.

My credit stops intermingling with his when the deed is done, right?

Re: Oh, good point.

[juliann.livejournal.com]

Ayup. Even if you are still living in the same place, you'll be entirely separate legal entities again. And presumably in the decree you'll have a court order for him to pay back the money you recently loaned him, so he won't be able to weasel out of that. (Be sure that gets in there!)

Re: Oh, good point.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh don't worry, that was totally already firmly implanted in my mind. I am also going to make sure it's stated in writing that we will be filing 'single' the year after it's done (so I don't end up stuck with his income), and that the savings money that was mine before we got together remains mine (even though it spent some time in an account with both our names on it).

I've been starting to make a mental inventory of the things we own and figuring out the most fair way to split it up, and which things I absolutely won't part with. Case in point - I will not leave without the DVD player. In exchange, I'm willing to buy myself a new tv and vcr. Yeah.

It's already stated in writing

[cfred.livejournal.com]

"Your filing status is single if, on the last day of the year, you are unmarried or legally separated from your spouse under a divorce or separate maintenance decree, and you do not qualify for another filing status" (IRS, Pub. 501).

Conversely, I know people who have gotten married on December 31 at least partly because of the tax benefits, since that made them married at the end of the year.

Oh, and somebody may have to go crusading for tax reform. The IRS only recognizes marriages between a man and a woman.

Re: It's already stated in writing

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

The IRS only recognizes marriages between a man and a woman.

That's because the Federal Government recognizes the same thing, thanks to the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) that President Clinton signed.

Bleh.

Re: Oh, good point.

[siercia]

Heh. Revenge is sweet. Even when it sucks. And yes, you won't be responsible for his bills once the divorce is final.

Re: Oh, good point.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

That's my number one concern. He doesn't have a particularly large amount of bills (car payment, student loan - although I have no car payment and a /significantly/ smaller student loan - I'm /so/ glad I never went along when he wanted to consolidate them), but he's /really/ bad about money. He loses bills, spends money so there's no money to pay bills, etc. This is one of the reasons I want to keep the money pooled until I move out of the apartment.

I'm not a fan of revenge, and I don't see this as revenge, either. I have nothing to "retaliate" against. However, I do have a responsibility to make sure my needs are met.

Perhaps...

[siercia]

revenge is the wrong word.

But the delicious knowledge that you are moving into a wonderous stage in your life, where, while it won't be free of pain, it will be full of wonderful excitement and challenge and pleasure, and perhaps he just... won't be.

And the knowledge that you can take care of yourself, and don't have to take care of him at the same time.

Re: Perhaps...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm pretty sure he'll be in a wonderful place, too. I mean, it's what he wanted, so I'd hope he was happy with it. I hope this is exactly what he wants and that he starts doing the things he used to love to do. I really do.

(At the same time, I /do/ hope he realizes how I was the best thing that ever happened to him and that he misses me terribly. Is that so wrong? *grin*)

I like the idea of being totally and stubbornly independent, too. Mmm.

*HUGS*

[siercia]

You'll make it! I know you will because you are smart and strong and working towards things that will make you very happy in the end. And you have lots of people who are cheerin you along the way. And, soon, you get to come home, and see your friends and family and relax for a while, and recharge yourself with all kinds of love.

And I know you probably want the divorce over and done with, but perhaps you should wait to stress over it until there are a few less other stress points in your life. Like, at least the end of the semester. It's not that long.

Re: *HUGS*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

That's my goal, sweetiepie! I'm not even making little Legal Aid calls until December, because I can't research divorce and research school papers at the same time.

HOWEVER, I can't wait until school is done, because when school is done I want to be Out. Of. Here! :)

(And yes, I can't wait to go up north and see everyone again. I'm trying to work it out with my jobs that I get a significant amount of time off, even if they hate me for it. I'd ideally like a good two weeks, including Christmas and New Years in Delaware - which I am /soooooo/ excited about!)

Have I told you and you wonderful little nuclear family lately that I love you? Well, I do.

Legal crud

[hopemcg.livejournal.com]

Does OSU have some sort of legal-advice program? It seems like they should somewhere or another. I bet Willa would know -- she knows everything.

I also worry about you cheesing him off and making this thing ugly. Can you get him to sign something now just so that I can sleep better at night? (of course since I have met you I have begun to perceive the world as revolving around me)

Cheesing off

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine him being the sort of person to make things ugly. I mean, he just isn't that kind of person, and neither am I. I wouldn't have liked him if he was.

I don't anticipate there being much resistance to any of the separation stuff. It just needs to be done. And the nature of A's and my relationship has always been "I do stuff, because waiting and nagging for him to do it gets annoying." So yes, we've established a pattern.

And you're right, Willa /does/ know everything. But so does the Internet. I'll have to check if the Law School runs a free clinic for students or something. The school I did undergrad at had free legal advice for students from Law School people.

(The world doesn't revolve around you, dear. It revolves around me. DUH.)

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

rainy's engagement party? what?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I will tell you all about it online tonight while I'm procrastinating my paper.

But yeah, Rachel's engaged to be married, I think some time next year though I'm not entirely sure.

Re:

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

Interestionfg