I haven't ranted in a while
Sep. 19th, 2001 10:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorp[NOTE (added at 11:50pm): I didn't write this so that people could comment about how great I am. I wasn't trolling for love. I just thought I should make that clear.]
When did I become such a horrible person that people had to actively try to forget the things that I do and say, in order to keep liking me? This is the second person this summer, the second person that I thought I was really really close to. I mean, first it was the husband, Mr. Life Partner Man, and now it's the best girl friend. I must be a total bitch.
Tonight I received email, an LJ comment, that said that said best girl friend had had a bad summer and that I had made it worse. So I go to ask her about it, and get listed off a string of apparently very terrible things that I said, things that she has been "trying to forget." Why? Why try to forget? Why be friends with me at all, if I just say all of these terrible hurtful things with malicious intent all the time?
I admit that I tease, and that I say a lot of things off the cuff that, if taken seriously, might be harsh. But I'm never serious about them, and I only use them in relationships where the pattern of teasing and harshing has been established. This same person, the one I apparently repeatedly called 'ridiculous' in such a horrible manner that they are actively trying to forget it, calls me, among other things, a cow, a slimy twat, a spoiled brat, annoying, obnoxious, that I talk too much, that I'm odd, etc.
Of course, I'm not sitting here trying to actively forget that I'm annoying, talk too much, and obnoxious, even though I'm sometimes sensitive about those things. But I guess all I learned tonight is that the girl I thought was my best friend for like 7 years now really isn't my friend, and it's probably in her best interest if I don't talk to her anymore. Just like it's in A's best interest that he no longer love me.
I wonder how it is that some people can think I'm this big hearted, amazing knight who would charge in to help anyone and who always has a kind word to say, and the two people that I've devoted the most time, energy and love to for the past almost 6 years find me hurtful and spiteful. Did I take your spirit, too? Your pride? Your strength?
Jesus. Why should anyone like me at all?
When did I become such a horrible person that people had to actively try to forget the things that I do and say, in order to keep liking me? This is the second person this summer, the second person that I thought I was really really close to. I mean, first it was the husband, Mr. Life Partner Man, and now it's the best girl friend. I must be a total bitch.
Tonight I received email, an LJ comment, that said that said best girl friend had had a bad summer and that I had made it worse. So I go to ask her about it, and get listed off a string of apparently very terrible things that I said, things that she has been "trying to forget." Why? Why try to forget? Why be friends with me at all, if I just say all of these terrible hurtful things with malicious intent all the time?
I admit that I tease, and that I say a lot of things off the cuff that, if taken seriously, might be harsh. But I'm never serious about them, and I only use them in relationships where the pattern of teasing and harshing has been established. This same person, the one I apparently repeatedly called 'ridiculous' in such a horrible manner that they are actively trying to forget it, calls me, among other things, a cow, a slimy twat, a spoiled brat, annoying, obnoxious, that I talk too much, that I'm odd, etc.
Of course, I'm not sitting here trying to actively forget that I'm annoying, talk too much, and obnoxious, even though I'm sometimes sensitive about those things. But I guess all I learned tonight is that the girl I thought was my best friend for like 7 years now really isn't my friend, and it's probably in her best interest if I don't talk to her anymore. Just like it's in A's best interest that he no longer love me.
I wonder how it is that some people can think I'm this big hearted, amazing knight who would charge in to help anyone and who always has a kind word to say, and the two people that I've devoted the most time, energy and love to for the past almost 6 years find me hurtful and spiteful. Did I take your spirit, too? Your pride? Your strength?
Jesus. Why should anyone like me at all?
