Am I secretly a man?

[judecorp]

Another productive work week. If I keep billing for so many hours, my director is going to make out with me or something. Seriously. I think I billed something like 27 hours this week. (That doesn't sound like much, but it is. Our productivity only counts actual face time, and does not include transportation, paperwork, or telephone calls.) That's a lot of face-to-face time with the zero to threes! I think that by the time I have children (if I am ever so fortunate) I will be prepared!

Speaking of children, I'm so frustrated today about how it seems like the whole idea of my actually being a parent is all in my head and will never really happen. Unless things change dramatically, it's certainly not going to happen here in the Notorious D-O-T, that's for sure. This evening Jen started talking (again) about wanting to go back to school to finish up her MFA in computer graphics that she started in San Francisco. Shoot, that'll push the whole "family" thing back another bunch of years. I understand that she has goals and I want to support them 100%, but at the same time I have had one goal for like the past five years (or maybe the past 29?) and that is GIVE ME A BABY, PLSTHX, OR I'MMA SPLODE!

Speaking of 'splode, in this same conversation this evening she said, "So I was looking at OSU," and I just wanted to rip my hair out. No, really. Really really. Hellooooooo, we just blew thousands of dollars leaving Columbus. It's times like this that I realize that I just am not hardwired to be supportive, because I'm just too linear, realistic, and practical. (Do I have a penis hiding in here somewhere? *checks*)

p.s. Big huge prayers go to rebasayre and kylesatt, because they're going to GET THEIR BABY on Sunday morning. WOW! They're taking her early (Reba's at 33 weeks), so I've decided that they need their own personal Early Intervention specialist. ME So they should just ship me over! :)

p.p.s. Lots of warm thoughts to juliann as well. Happy upcoming birthday, Mama. This will be the year that things turn around for you, I just know it!

Comments

[sudrin.livejournal.com]

Are you somehow quite shockingly making the assertion that only men are "linear, realistic, and practical"?

[prunesnprisms.livejournal.com]

Yes, that longing you have for a babychild makes you a MAN. Right.

You say funny things, Ms. Jude.

Sci Fi

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It was comedy. You know, funny? HA HA HA HA! ;)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, there was a lot of subtext in there that didn't get written. The man comment was much less about the baby parts and much more about the hair-pulling parts.

Sometimes I feel like I am too linear and practical to be fully supportive of someone's dreams just based on them being dreams. Does that make sense? Probably not. Maybe I'm too hung up on The Right Thing To Do (logistically speaking) rather than The Right Thing To Do (emotionally speaking). Or something.

[prunesnprisms.livejournal.com]

It makes sense.

[(Anonymous)]

"Sometimes I feel like I am too linear and practical to be fully supportive of someone's dreams just based on them being dreams. Does that make sense? Probably not. Maybe I'm too hung up on The Right Thing To Do (logistically speaking) rather than The Right Thing To Do (emotionally speaking). Or something."

WOW! WOW! WOW! my husband could of written that !!! We have this conversation ALL the time. For instance I will tell him something I want to do in the future, IE: go back to school,renovate our bathroom,start a small biz. Things that cost $$ that we do not have right now. Instead of talking about the idea/dream, he starts analyzing it to death. Why we can't afford it,all that stuff. I think in a way he wants to make me happy, and it frustrates him that he can not help me see my dreams through. he will lay there and think and think and think and then get frustrated that he can give me what i wish for. I understand that and I appreciate it. But you see,I know that we can't afford it either,I just like to dream a bit. ANd then I tell him my dreams, however when i talk about them I do not say "Its just a dream" I say it as more of a "future plan". It keeps me sane and sometimes I need him to be less practical and dream with me :)

For whatever reason this time of year I always get the urge to go back to school or be creative in some way. Use my brain and refuel. It always passes, he should know that by now. I always say "humor me". I think it has to do with the artist in me. the need to always be creative in some way.

DO not be too hard on yourself or your girl, I think you need to have someone who thinks the way you do and someone who thinks the way she does to make a great relationship and balance things out ya know YING YANG (hey libra's are all about balance after all !!)

The baby thing will happen. I bet if she got a great job tomorrow all the other talk would go away and baby talk would be the #1 topic !

sorry to talk your ear off,this is the ramblings of a sleep deprived person right now

K..

Re: Sci Fi

[sudrin.livejournal.com]

Ah, okay good.. Whew! ;-)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

No, don't apologize! I think it's good to see the other side of things, and make some good points as "the dreamer" in the relationship.

I know that my inner dialogue is exactly the way you portray your husband. She tells me a "future plan" and my head immediately spins on looking for ways to make that happen. I look at all sides and angles. And sometimes I have a tendency to dwell on the more 'negative' or challenging aspects because I /know/ she has all the easy/good ones covered.

For example, last night she wanted to go to school for computer graphics. Dollar signs were already flying through my head: where can she go to school that we could afford to live on one income? how would we get the money to buy her a new computer? how likely is it that she would get grants/scholarships, since she can't afford any more loans? where could I find money for moving costs? etc. And it's not that I want to be unsupportive of her dreams/plans, it's more that we can't afford (finacially OR emotionally) another quick, hasty move and if we /are/ going to move again to pursue a dream of hers (which I am more than willing to do), I need to know that the dream really WANTS to become a reality.

I know that Jen wants to go back to school. She's talked about it for years and years. But she's changed what she wants to go to school for so many times in the last couple of years that whenever she pinpoints a career or path of study, I am leery. And you make a good point, too, about back-to-school time bringing all of these "plans" into discussion. I hadn't thought of that.

I wish I had a crystal ball, just for a minute. I want to know what path she should choose so she can stop agonizing over it. Then she can hand it over and I will make that happen.

[carina-s.livejournal.com]

Tayler: Mommy! Tyler said I have a penis!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Damn, I really miss your kids.

[(Anonymous)]

Wow your relationship sound just like mine it's frightening! If she is anything like me, she is just so afraid to make the wrong choice. I went to school to cut hair, went through the whole program.. hated it. Decided I wanted to do visual displays in department stores. liked it but did not like the artistic limitations. So I went into retail sales. That was always my fall back career. Got all the way up to the buying offices. I was good at it but my heart was not there But i needed $$$. I decided i needed a change,SO I left, divorced my husband,sold our house and bought a baskin robbins. Met my Husband (he owned a pizza store next door to me) and then we turned the baskin over to a hersheys. Guess what. I hated that too. I have this creative itch I just can not seem to scratch. I can not pin it down. It's so hard to put into words what it feels like when it happens. I get restless,depressed and sometimes I even get sick. It is really weird. Maybe I need therapy ??
I drive my hubby nuts, but it must be true love because he deals with it ! One good thing is I am more aware of when I am doing it and sometimes I just write my ideas down and then when i come back to them a few weeks later it passes but I think that came with age. (I am going to be 40 YIKES) I mellowed a bit and now with the 2 kids my dreams are now dreams for my children 95 % of the time. But let me tell you, when I was pregnant I STILL was making crazy plans and stuff all the way until delivery day. So be prepared! The fun never ends !!
:)

K

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Wow - don't give me a heart attack! I don't think I could handle so much change!

But you're right, maybe it's some sort of back-to-school feeling. I dunno. All I know is that I crave stability, and this constant change drives me bonkers! :)