I'd better write these down
Sep. 24th, 2001 01:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpNinja Dating Tips
By Bonnie Burton
Originally Published 4/4/2001 @ 5:09PM on winamp.com
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The ninja is one of the hardest types [of guys] to date. These [fellas] love to assassinate politicians and scale buildings in the dead of night. But beware, behind that rough exterior is a secretive, silent "I'm never going to admit to you that I'm petrified of clowns" type. So here's a few pointers on how to woo your favorite ninja:
*The Death Touch does not count as foreplay.
*Don't be startled if he shows up in the middle of the night either wounded, or looking rather flustered. This is how all ninjas appear when they get home from a long day of ninjaing.
*Forget about asking a lot of questions about his personal life. Apparently, that's a security risk. Just be content knowing that he isn't seeing other ninjaettes.
*Get used to that old master guy hanging around the apartment. He's there to stay. You'll realize soon enough that your ninja boyfriend must pass all decisions by his master. The Master is just like a judgmental mother-in-law, only he's an old man who keeps calling your boyfriend "Grasshopper," and you "Bitchy-san."
*Remind him that throwing stars (shurikens) are not romantic gifts. Neither are nunchukas, sais, bokkens or kakutes.
*When you ask him "Is that a sword or are you just happy to see me," it's a sword.
*Be supportive. Even when he decides to fight 10 bad guys at once. If you roll your eyes and cast doubt on his ninja abilities, he's gonna get all paranoid and mess up.
*Don't pretend to know any martial arts just to impress him. You never know when he'll decide to test your ninja knowledge. And then you'll end up looking awfully silly writhing on the floor in pain.
*Just because he can be all stealthy, doesn't mean he'll agree to pick up a box of tampons for you on his way home from work. Ninjas embarrass easily.
*Ninjas don't like to be tickled. Ever.
*Generating psychic powers in order to mask one's presence is one thing, but don't let him pretend he's not there when you ask him why he went to the Radiohead concert with his ex-girlfriend instead of you.
*Humming the song "Kung Fu Fighting" will not instantly make your boyfriend frisky.
-bonnie "ninja dating queen" burton
Winamp.com
Grrl.com
By Bonnie Burton
Originally Published 4/4/2001 @ 5:09PM on winamp.com
---------------------------------------------------------
The ninja is one of the hardest types [of guys] to date. These [fellas] love to assassinate politicians and scale buildings in the dead of night. But beware, behind that rough exterior is a secretive, silent "I'm never going to admit to you that I'm petrified of clowns" type. So here's a few pointers on how to woo your favorite ninja:
*The Death Touch does not count as foreplay.
*Don't be startled if he shows up in the middle of the night either wounded, or looking rather flustered. This is how all ninjas appear when they get home from a long day of ninjaing.
*Forget about asking a lot of questions about his personal life. Apparently, that's a security risk. Just be content knowing that he isn't seeing other ninjaettes.
*Get used to that old master guy hanging around the apartment. He's there to stay. You'll realize soon enough that your ninja boyfriend must pass all decisions by his master. The Master is just like a judgmental mother-in-law, only he's an old man who keeps calling your boyfriend "Grasshopper," and you "Bitchy-san."
*Remind him that throwing stars (shurikens) are not romantic gifts. Neither are nunchukas, sais, bokkens or kakutes.
*When you ask him "Is that a sword or are you just happy to see me," it's a sword.
*Be supportive. Even when he decides to fight 10 bad guys at once. If you roll your eyes and cast doubt on his ninja abilities, he's gonna get all paranoid and mess up.
*Don't pretend to know any martial arts just to impress him. You never know when he'll decide to test your ninja knowledge. And then you'll end up looking awfully silly writhing on the floor in pain.
*Just because he can be all stealthy, doesn't mean he'll agree to pick up a box of tampons for you on his way home from work. Ninjas embarrass easily.
*Ninjas don't like to be tickled. Ever.
*Generating psychic powers in order to mask one's presence is one thing, but don't let him pretend he's not there when you ask him why he went to the Radiohead concert with his ex-girlfriend instead of you.
*Humming the song "Kung Fu Fighting" will not instantly make your boyfriend frisky.
-bonnie "ninja dating queen" burton
Winamp.com
Grrl.com
