How NOT to Supervise The Jude

[judecorp]

I am so boggled by my supervisor. I think I have totally given him the wrong impression of me somehow and I'm not sure I know what to do about it. He seems to think that I'm totally depressed and miserable... and now I'm thinking he's thought this for some time.

I always thought it was weird that he was always asking me things like, "Are you okay?" and "How is the job treating you this week?" At first I thought he was just inquisitive like that but then I got tipped to the fact that he doesn't ask other people this stuff. Today in supervision we got into a bit of a philosophical debate where it was very obvious we just hold two totally different belief systems. He seems to be more "think of the individual goods and don't sweat the ones that fall through the cracks" while I am much more "we need to overthrow the system so there are no cracks." (In the long run his way is probably healthier in our job, because he's been there for 12 years or something so it's definitely good self-preservation.) So we start talking about one of my kids in particular who's totally going to turn three without any kind of support, and I was lamenting this, and he went on and on about how I was doing good now, and that this good was going to benefit his whole life and build resiliency, and blah blah blah.

(I should interject now and say that I have some philosophical issues with the theories on resiliency.)

So then I guess I got a little huffy and said that in the big picture I really wasn't doing much of anything for this kid, because if my only benefit was a positive adult interaction (Mom has forbidden both OT and speech, which this kid definitely needs.) then he already gets that from his parents that he is very attached to. And I mentioned that I think resiliency stuff is kind of touchy-feely theory that helps other people feel better about kids that are getting the shaft. And I mentioned that I'm not the kind of person who will let go of one kid who's falling through the cracks even if there are 20 other kids who are not. And stuff like that. And I think finally I said something like, "Well, if this sort of mindset leads to the best self-preservation for this job, then all you're really doing is convincing me that this isn't for me," and then I think he got /really/ concerned.

(This all started, I think, because he asked me /again/ if I was okay, and mentioned that I "looked depressed" yesterday. Which is way odd, because I've been in a good mood all week.)

So I finally broke down and said, "I think maybe I'm somehow sending you the wrong signals or you're misreading my face or something, because you seem to think I'm depressed and I'm decidedly not." And he seemed a little taken aback. I really think we're just the total wrong fit, supervision-wise, because I probably use supervision quite differently than a lot of my coworkers. While I do sometimes have specific questions about specific cases, I really don't usually ask for help about families because I think I'm a pretty competent clinician with good instincts, and I like to do my own research. I usually spend my supervision time airing out whatever frustration I'm having at that moment (which is usually about "the system") and I get pretty detailed about it. Which then makes him think I want to quit. Which then makes him want to "fix" me so that I'm "happy." Which annoys me. And on.

He was getting all social-work-speak-y on me, too, which was getting a bit grating (don't shrink the shrink, dude), and finally he actually apologized for not reacting to me in an effective way and that he realized that he was trying to be a fix-er and that was obviously not working for me. To which I agreed, but also said that maybe I should come to supervision a bit differently so that he doesn't get all nervous all the time. But censoring myself just makes me twitchy... I mean, I should be getting what I need out of supervision, right? And if what I need is to rail about the injustices of what society does to poor, inner-city children, isn't that okay? Do I have to be depressed to be upset that the government is shafting lots of my kids, to be worried about what will happen when they turn three and I won't be supporting their families anymore?

Personally, I think I'm /right/ for these jobs because I want to overhaul the fecking ridiculous system instead of finding ways to rationalize away my upset so that I can continue to work within it. Because really, if you're not part of the solution than you're definitely part of the problem. And if you're just going along with the system then you ARE the fecking system. Which means you're oppressing your own clients. Which just doesn't fly with me.

I can't believe I had to actually end supervision with, "I'm really sorry you have the wrong impression but I think your concern is misplaced. I go to work. I'm happy with families. I do a good job. I work out, not to beat out frustration but to be a healthier person. I'm not then going home, putting on black clothes, lighting strong-scented candles, and belting out angsty poetry."

Comments

[indigodove.livejournal.com]

I agree with your thoughts on resilency theory.

The system is terribly broken. I think many folks who stay in the field end up with your supervisor's attitude as self-preservation.

Probably more to say, but I gotta get to bed. YOU ARE NOT WRONG!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I don't really know how any self-respecting frontline worker can actively believe in resiliency theories. Really. I'm sure there are some that have some truth in them but the whole idea seems so... pie in the sky. I think resiliency theories exist to make do-gooders feel better about themselves in the midst of a bleak picture.

Heh, maybe that last statement is why he thinks I'm a pit of despair! ;)

[bellabooks.livejournal.com]

I went through a TON of supervisors at my last job. After the 3rd one, I started out our relationships with a detailed description of how I work and what I expected from him/her. I don't know as that's the best way - with a couple of them they actually let me take the reins so to speak. They were never truly leaders, just followers. Others actually listened and respected my frankness and my self-knowledge. My new supervisor actually gave me a hard copy of her personality test so that I can get to know her and her working style more quickly (which is, frankly, a little weird - the idea, not the test...haven't read it yet!).
As usual, I babble when tired. My thought boils down to: I'm glad that you were able to have a discussion about what you need from him. That's pretty awesome.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, except that I'm not sure it will help. We're just... it's so cliche but we're totally different people. He is so... ack, I have no words. He's quite the "sensitive new age guy," always wanting to talk about his spiritualism and "the big picture" and learning new age techniques, and that's cool. But it's not me. I'm much more "get dirty," brass tacks, no mincing words. One of the reasons I'm effective with a lot of the clients I have is because I am both no-bullshit /and/ no-judgment. I think that's probably an odd combination, because a lot of no-bullshit people are heavy on the judgment and a lot of the no-judgment people can be kind of heavy on the fluffy bullshit. (Gah, does that even make sense?)

Social work supervision is such a bizarre experience. For licensing we're required to have an hour of supervision a week, and most social service jobs have weekly supervision, probably to check for burn-out as much as sharing ideas. I suppose it's not uncommon for a supervisee to go into a supervisor's office and have like a mini therapy session. It's just not going to happen with me.

Me: I don't know if I can realistically stay in a situation long-term where I'm actively shielding my thought processes from the real problems.

Supervisor: Well, I try not to think about it that way, I just like working with children and families.

Me: Well sure, but I just am not sure I'm doing "best practice" work if I /know/ there are major flaws in the system and I neglect to act on them.

And on and on and on. We went around and around. At one point he actually said that maybe he was reading too much into my supposed despair because my realistic statements were tapping into his /own/ despair. Umm... ya think?

[bellabooks.livejournal.com]

Gotcha. Well, it is his job to form an effective relationship with you, not your job. Hopefully now that he realizes that he's not doing his job well he'll try something new. Good luck!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :)

I was going to call you back last night but I didn't know if it was too late. I'll call you today!

[vorpalbla.livejournal.com]

Having worked with you in person, it's hard to imagine you seeming depressed and miserable at work. Frustrated, perhaps, but not depressed. Your boss obviously isn't around adults with depression much.

"I usually spend my supervision time airing out whatever frustration I'm having at that moment (which is usually about "the system") and I get pretty detailed about it."

Likewise! My current favorite is Medicaid income limits for childless adults.
Well, I do ask some clinical questions, but often the answer is in line with what I was going to do anyway. It'll be like, "The situation is X, and I'm thinking of doing Y, and my rationale is Z. Does that make sense?" And he will say, "Yes."

"I'm not then going home, putting on black clothes, lighting strong-scented candles, and belting out angsty poetry."

FWIW, I think that some of those people are actually quite happy. Happier than people who would rather be doing those things, but instead are stuck in a life where they have to pretend to be Normal God-Fearing Men And Women enjoying the American Dream.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well yeah. No offense to any angsty-poetry-writers out there, of course. ;)

I don't know WHY he thinks I'm depressed all the time. I said this to another coworker of mine and she was really surprised. Now I'm all defensive about it, like I think I should be extra chipper when I know he's listening or something.

(To get him back, I put one of those Necco "conversation hearts" on his desk when he was out of his office. The message is "Marry Me." HARDEEHAR!)

Now, I can see where I would be happier if I was in a job I liked more and felt was a better fit for me (I really liked my FM job and thought it suited me well), but I still try to keep cheery at work.

[vorpalbla.livejournal.com]

Perhaps if you started playing pranks, or writing a humor column in the company newsletter, or something. Organize a mass effort to TP his office, perhaps?

But yeah, working at FM I can't imagine ANYONE being asked by their boss if they were depressed. Unless it was Vicki going "You must be depressed because you're not holding the residents accountable enough."

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Nah, Vicki was too busy getting it on with T-Dub.

[vorpalbla.livejournal.com]

There goes my dinner. Thanks, Jude.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Anytime.

[poopsmoothie.livejournal.com]

I prefer your approach. But you knew that.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Of course. Because we're the best.

[carina-s.livejournal.com]

Are you, ok? *wink*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

*lick*