More Homophobia in the Hub

[judecorp]

It is so very rare that I have clients that I am not completely out and honest with. In Columbus I had none. My current job is a little less invasive (I don't have teenagers asking me personal questions all the time, heh) and for the most part, my private life rarely comes up. Which is kind of how I like it, because I just want to get done with my job and go home. But still, if someone asks me about who I'm with, I'm pretty up front.

I have this one family and one day, I don't remember why, I was talking about my MIL. (I believe we were talking about Spanish soap operas, of all things.) The parents said something about how they didn't know I was married, and asked some question about my husband. While I'm a painfully honest person, I've also learned that I should always trust my gut - and on that day, my gut said, 'DODGE THE QUESTION.' So I did. Lies by omission.

Anyway, today I learned yet again that my gut is always right. This afternoon the Mom in the family told me that while her children (ages 3.5, 2.5, and 1) love the Teletubbies, she will not let them watch it because someone told her that "something about the colors has to do with lesbians and homosexuals." I said, "Well, someone said that once a while ago but it got really out of hand, and I don't think that's true."

And I left it at that. And I left the house feeling kind of sad.

Comments

[auntiesiannan.livejournal.com]

Oh dear.

You have more patience than I do with such people, Jude. :(

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Patience? In this situation, 'patience' to me is more readily defined as "closeted scaredy-cat." I don't know what it is about this town (or maybe this job?) that keeps me so tight-lipped. There were oodles of bigots in C-bus (not to mention those fundamentalist families that think Harry Potter and Halloween come straight from Satan himself) and for some reason I don't remember /ever/ hearing homophobic comments with families. Bleh.

re: closeted scaredy-cat

[etherial.livejournal.com]

I work with middle schoolers, who love asking me questions about my personal life. I dodge the issue by always responding "That's a personal question" - and usually one of the other students will point out that it's really rude to ask a teacher such things.

It would be kinda nice to come out among my coworkers - seeing as one of them is a pregnant married lesbian - but I haven't ruled out my crush on the drama teacher, and women tend to write me off when they find out I'm bisexual.

Re: closeted scaredy-cat

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Now see, I find it WAY easier to be honest to adolescents than to random parents of toddlers. I've found that adolescents are always far cooler people. ;) Then again, you have that whole "education" thing going for you and that can be weird.

I guess part of my problem is that I go to these families' homes every week. Every freaking week. If something becomes awkward or weird, I'm still stuck going there every week. Which would suck.

Dude, that sucks about the women tend to write me off when they find out I'm bisexual thing. That makes me sad. I dated a couple of bi guys in my day and they were all quite lovely. Then again, the Red Cross always gives me a hard time at blood donating time for "having sex with a man who had sex with a man." Suckahs.

Re: kids

[etherial.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I see these kids every day. Besides, it *is* fun to refuse to answer. The funny part is, they *know* I have a crush on Esme, but still think I'm gay.

Re: kids

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I think it's a rule that kids are supposed to gossip that some of their teachers are gay. I know we sure did. (Then again, I swear half of the teachers at my high school were totally gay.)

[skreeky]

Reminds me of when I used to try and explain the South to Jews.

Jew: But isn't everyone really antisemetic down there?
Me: I never heard the term until I moved to New York.
Jew: I mean they hate Jews.
Me: They don't have Jews.
Jew: What do you mean?
Me: There are no Jews. I had never met a Jew until I was 18 at college. What's to hate? The topic seriously never came up. There. Are. No. Jews. There.

Perhaps a similar case? If everyone's in the closet, there are no gays, thus less immediate concern?

Harry Potter, now, you gotta be careful or they'll have that Satanic witchcraft manual in the SCHOOLS.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I had a similar experience when I went to college, and I didn't grow up in the South! I grew up here, in Catholicville, and went to Catholic School. I knew one Jew until I went to Tulip U.

Well, there's a bunch of wacky fundies in Ohio, but they're kind of the minority in Columbus. Columbus is full of queers and university liberals for the most part (until you get into the outskirts and the poorer neighborhoods, fo sho). Most of my clients in C-bus didn't care who I was sleeping with as long as I wasn't taking their kids away. ;)

[therewaslight.livejournal.com]

We have a pretty large Jewish population here in Nashville. Five synagogues, ranging from Chabad to borderline reconstructionist.

My favorite was having to explain to a girl at work what my being Jewish really means. "What do you mean Jews don't believe in Jesus?" Eeeii.

[prunesnprisms.livejournal.com]

The South is theoretically not anti-semetic anyway. I know our former pastor used to talk ALL THE TIME about how we were decended from god's chosen people, blah blah, and more of the same, and of course, there was like, all of ONE jewish family in the county. But it's like the old adage where they love the group and hate the individual.

[thatpatti.livejournal.com]

i think what's the most sad about that is that the woman didn't even know what the hubbub was about! i mean, if you're gonna be a bigot, educate yourself about it at least, right? ;)

indicentally, i think they're completely freaky but fisher is totally entranced by them. :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Dude, the Teletubbies are SO less freaky than the Boohbahs!

But yes, I agree with what you say about the educated bigotry. I agree 100%. If you're going to be anti-something, at least get your stance straight.

[jadefu.livejournal.com]

Don't even get me started on my Boohbah rant. Man, I have to work with the little freaky rainbow breast implants.

As for the Teletubbies, it was Jerry Falwell that claimed the purple one was gay because 1) he was purple, 2) he carried a purse, and 3) the symbol on his head is a triangle. He has yet to comment that there is a purple Boohbah. :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

What I don't get is... if they're called "Boohbahs," why does their mating call sound like, "Beehbah!"

It's a conspiracy. Someone get the purple one a purse and get it over with.

[hoo.livejournal.com]

They're from Worcester, which is spelled like Woostah but said Wistah.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

HA! That was a serious funny!

[thatpatti.livejournal.com]

oh yes, i've only seen the boobahs once, i think, and i was all OMGWTF!?!?!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Seriously.

[cappucinogrrl.livejournal.com]

Teletubbies wig me out.

Meanwhile, I'm sorry. How ignorant of her.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

They're definitely creepy. But there are WAY WORSE kids shows out there on the creepy factor. May I point you to The Wiggles and Lazy Town? *shudder*

[mayna.livejournal.com]

I like the wiggles. Lazy town, however... it's like a train wreck. Totally WEIRD show but if it's on, your eyeballs are on the tv...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I am SO creeped out by the Spartacus dude. He has such a child molester look.

[mayna.livejournal.com]

heh that's "Sporticus". The evil guy with the fake face is even creepier.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Spartacus, Sporticus, whatever. Understand that I'm hearing these names from young children with heavily developing Boston accents. ;)

[cappucinogrrl.livejournal.com]

Never even heard of those shows. I'm so out of the kiddy-tv loop. D'oh!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It's okay, I still love you.

[poopsmoothie.livejournal.com]

that fucking sucks. but, yes. your survival mechanism is located in your gut. trust it.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I just hate the idea that I have to have a survival instinct at all. :(

[poopsmoothie.livejournal.com]

I believe that one day we'll only use that instinct for falling rocks and getting out of the way of speeding bikes and whatnot. :) It may be our children's children's children who see that, but I hope it comes.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Me too. (I doubt it, though.)

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

I sense from your comments here that you feel a little guilty when you respond to people like that.

I'd call it political prudence, and chalk it up to your superior grace, wisdom, and restraint. These are noble qualities.

Colors on the teletubbies turning me gay, MY ASS!! Sheesh.

Now...Barney? I'm not so sure about him. I feel a little gayer whenever I watch that. ;)

Come to think of it, watching "Jeffrey" didn't turn me gay, either. Maybe you should recommend she watch that. It could provide her with a massive dose of desensitization. (And I chose that word carefully. I'm suggesting guiding her to be DEsensitized from conservative rhetoric. Baby steps.)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I don't feel guilty per se, but I do feel a bit ashamed of myself that I am covering up parts of my life. Keeping quiet is equated with shame in my mind, and I am not ashamed of anything I do or am. So I really get down on myself when I conceal information.

Also, I don't really believe in "political prudence." I am pretty in-your-face about a whole lot of things. I just think that I need to be spending my time with families (for work) working on their issues with their children... rather than any issues they might have with me.

[mayna.livejournal.com]

well I don't talk politics or religion with coworkers (I don't have any customers) unless I know that they're on the same page I am beforehand. I'd probably equate that similarly, although I know you shouldn't have to.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's pretty much a lot like that. Although I would debate with differently-thinking coworkers, I don't want to turn my hour-long therapeutic sessions into political/religious debates.

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

Your last sentence there is key. The purpose of your job is to help people. If being honest about yourself makes it MORE difficult to do your job, then being honest about yourself is an impediment to doing y our job.

Save the total transparent honesty for close friends on your time off, who not only would accept it, but probably know it already and celebrate it. (That was a subtle invitation to come visit again sometime.)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

1. I would love to come out and visit you guys again, and meet Alex! Alas, travel is just not in the cards these days. Poop.

2. If I save my honesty for only those people that I think will receive the information well, how does that help the bigger picture? One of the reasons I (or anyone else for that matter) choose to be upfront, visible, and honest about big hot-button issues is to put faces to words, to humanize buzzwords - passive activism. I think that's especially effective with people who aren't already so familiar with the issues (or with me) to assume or immediately accept.

3. Come visit us anytime. We owe you dinner.

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

Staying on subject with #2, you have a point there.

On the other hand, there's always the cliché "choose your battles" to consider here. There's a difference between thinking, "I might be able to get through to this somewhat open-minded individual" and "I probably won't be able to get throught to this idiotic moron."

Dinner sounds good. I've never been out that way, actually.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You should totally come visit! :)