Measuring stick

[judecorp]

I feel like I've lost or broken my measuring stick.

I know that their situation isn't /at all/ about me, and that by even talking about my feelings about everything steps me into "not the best idea" territory, but I can't help it. Because it affects me. It affects me because they're my friends and I love them, and I don't want my friends to hurt. It affects me because I'm too far away to do anything about it, and because I can't seem to stave off the guilt of thinking that maybe if we were local, if we'd never left, we'd have know there were difficulties and been able to help or comfort.

But the selfish truth of the matter is that since the day I met them, they were my measuring stick for relationship success. To say that I'm shocked that things are rough right now is a total understatement. I'm devastated. I have spent so much time looking up to them, comparing my relationship to theirs, using their actions as a yardstick for our own. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me a little bit.

And yes, I know how incredibly selfish this is, to talk about MY feelings and the effect on ME. I'm really only writing this down to chronicle how much love and respect I have for two of my best friends, how much my heart is breaking for them, how desperate I am to help in some way, ANY way.

I love you guys so much, together OR apart. I hope you know that. You have never been further than a moment from my nearest thought.

Comments

[thatpatti.livejournal.com]

*sniff*

i've had this happen so many times. the last people you'd expect to have troubles find themselves in crisis. i learned a long time ago not to compare my relationship to others' for this very reason, but it's still hard not to get that rug-pulled-out-from-under-you feeling.

my heart hurts for them.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You know, I've actually been doing quite a bit of thinking about YOU, too, because I knew that you would know what I meant. I remember how shocked you were when you heard about your sister, and about other couples that you were friends with. At the time, I really had no idea what you were going through. But now I think I've got it.

We've just got to find a way to help. I feel so useless over here.

[livinginoctober.livejournal.com]

That reminds me of that part in Reality Bites where Steve Zahn is like "That totally ruins my perception of good and evil." Or something like that.

I'm sorry about whatever is going on. :(

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[laserkitty.livejournal.com]

Ya know....you said it well. It hurts.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I wish I knew a way to help. I'm so bad at this.

[folkyboy.livejournal.com]

i don't think it's selfish considering you just got married and you're now able to put things like that into perspective. this is your first year as a married woman. you want to weigh out EVERYTHING as a factor.

it's good to know how much you love your friends

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

this is your first year as a married woman.

If only this were true. Part of the reason I get so freaked when relationships around me break up (especially ones I thought were so solid) is because I had my earlier marriage just totally disintegrate. I hold so much baggage as it is about how bad I am at relationships and how I'm doomed to just fail and fail at them... so I set up these relationship role models and try to be like them.

You'd think things like this would just show me that everyone is human and everyone makes mistakes. But nooooo, it just makes me more of a neurotic mess.

[meglett.livejournal.com]

don't fret too much about feeling selfish about how others' relationships affect you. of course there is concern and compassion toward the people involved, but i think it's natural and okay for you to react too. about a year and a half ago, two relationships ended involving 2 sets of our friends...and we were sad for them, but also sad for us.

because it meant something in our lives had to change.
and it seemed to mean that stability was hard to come by.
the night we met with our one friend from the one just broken up couple, we came home, got in bed and just cried. there's the fear: if they can't make it, can we? that's a complicated question....

we definitely went through grieving stages-almost textbook. i think what helped us was knowing that even though the changes that occurred were upsetting, the people involved were better off with the changes happening. they became better, healthier people.

*hug*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

there's the fear: if they can't make it, can we?

That's it exactly. I already feel like I'm a major relationship screw-up, so I doubt my abilities already without any help. But now I feel like I'm even MORE destined to screw up, since one of the relationships I thought was most stable and long-lasting was actually not. I feel like I can't trust my relationship instincts at all.

Nothing better happen to you and Hope, EVER, because now you have to be my new yardstick. =P

I love you!

[joyfulgrrl43210.livejournal.com]

I know this really sucks for everyone involved. You are still a part of my family and I love you very much.

Re: I love you!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I hope we get to spend some time together this weekend. I really miss you, and I know Jen does, too.

Besides, I might understand some of this stuff more than you might realize. I'm here for you.