(no subject)

[judecorp]

So My Jennifer is in Florida and they sent her to about seven meetings with different people from the company, and then took her out to dinner. I guess she thinks there is a pretty good chance they are going to offer her the job.

I hate to be a big baby about all of this but I just have this sense of dread when it comes to all things Florida. I just see a major move/relocation to a red state as something that is going to disrupt our lives and put our parenting plans on hold /again/. Every time I think about Florida, I just get anxious. But I don't want to rain on her parade if she thinks this is the best thing for her.

It's all way too emotional for me. Whenever something threatens my parenthood, I get really uneasy. Really, I was supposed to be a mom a LONG time ago.

Comments

[00solstice.livejournal.com]

hey, i wanted to remind you at the end of our conversation to save my phone number!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I did. Thanks!

[estrange.livejournal.com]

How were you looking into having a baby? What about insemination?I know that you have the PCOS problems but it sounds you are a lot like me and you could get pregnant with fertility drugs. What about Jennifer? Or were you looking into something else?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, we're not sure how we're going to try to have our first baby. Jen wants to have a baby at some point and we're also very big fans of the foster care/adoption process. I'm not sure if I want to try to go through the whole fertility drug process at all, especially if we end up moving and I don't have a job. (No job means no health insurance.)

[folkyboy.livejournal.com]

i think once you get down there, it'll be a lot better than you make it all out to be, though.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Sure, but the /rights/ won't be any better than I am imagining.

[iansha.livejournal.com]

You and Jen have been through a lot. Moving, et al is a very stressful thing and it very well MAY put a hold on things you've been planning... but there could be some bright sides to the move, too.

I would imagine that this job/promotion would mean a lot to Jen and her career. Money woes and job stresses have been concerns in the past and this could change some of those things.
Granted, Florida is not the gay-haven that MA is, but I am sure there are many communities down there (although hotter) that will be the perfect combination of family-making and cool that you need.

Better job = more money. Fla = lower cost of living than MA. More money, lower COL = quicker baby making?

I hear you on the baby issue. I feel I've missed my specified time too. But it WILL happen. Just a 'little' more patience, grasshopper.

*hugs*

PS you'll be closer to Atlanta too ;)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It's not at all about the queer-friendly communities, because there are some. It's about the overall political climate, which is not just not queer-friendly but is quite queer-hostile. Florida's marriage laws are not going to change any time soon, and Florida is one of the only (if not the only) states that implicitly states that "homosexuals" are not allowed to adopt children. To me, that says a lot about what they think of queer people as people or, more importantly, their ability to parent. It burns me up to think that I am clinically and educationally alright to approve people for adoption and counsel children through the adoption process, but when it would come to entering that process myself, I am unfit.

Patience is great, sure... but if we're talking insemination and donors and fertility treatments and all of that, there's definitely an element of time that is going to be involved on top of just deciding to start trying. Florida's failure to recognize our marriage also means that I would be moving into the state with no health insurance (because I would be jobless) and no way to get insurance through Jen, which totally eliminates me from the medical process.

All of this is on top of the fact that we would need ridiculous amounts of paperwork to try to ensure that we would have legal rights/claims to each other's child - and no guarantee that those documents would be recognized.

So it's really a heck of a lot more than just having some cool queer stuff around.

[iansha.livejournal.com]

You know, I didn't realise Florida was THAT gay-unfriendly. It's scary and strange, given the large pockets of gay Floridians I assumed (which may be incorrect) were there.
The insurance issue... even though the state doesn't recognize your marriage/partnership, isn't the company the one that gives out benefits? Do THEY have a domestic partnership clause? Pre-MA-approving-gay-marriage, P's company offered domestic benefits to same sex couples. And I know of many other who do as well, even without a State-sanctioned marriage.
I believe Texas is another state that either has, or has begun such talks about gays and adoption/foster care. I think it is disgusting and pitiful, as well.
Didn't you have some similar, but perhaps not as overwhelming objections to Ohio for similar reasons? It is teh major suck to say it, but I don't know of many states that are as open and gay-friendly as MA is. I wish all your dreams could come true there, but things seem to be pushing you in another direction.
EDUCATION is likely your best weapon. There are guidelines to every legal document from a state level available to you. Look up the Living Will/Durable Power of Attorney forms for FL, make sure they are filled out correctly. Talk to a gay advocacy group, or gay friendly family law firm that practices there and get information about how you and Jen can safely live your lives the way you should be able to. Find out about guardianship, wills, health insurance, etc so on. Your mind has always been one of your greatest weapons, Jude.
I love you and Jen both. I hope that nothing but good things come your way. You both deserve it. Don't take anything lying down. You are a fighter.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

There /are/ a lot of queer Floridians, especially in places like Miami and West Palm Beach and all of that. Then again, it's always seemed like more of a gay party spot to me which could explain why no one seems to care about the marriage or adoption issues.

And I know that you can replicate some of the benefits of marriage through legal documentation. We looked into all of that in Ohio before we decided to leave. One of the problems is that you have to carry around a big stack of legal documents whenever you need to go anywhere or do anything, since you have to prove all of those things that you don't have to prove if you just say you're married.

Having a Power of Attorney document is pretty foolproof, but you really run into problems when you talk about regular wills and inheritance. Since Jennifer and I aren't legally "related" in any state other than MA, I can write a will to leave her all of my stuff/funds but she would have to pay big time inheritance taxes on it. Married couples get to inherit their deceased spouse's house/assets tax-free. You can approximate that by setting everything up as a trust and making each party a trustee, but do you see where I say that all of that running around is a huge PITA?

And you're right - there aren't any states currently that have as many queer-friendly laws as MA. And that's why we moved back here. And that's why I don't want to leave the state.

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

I may be mistaken, but wasn't a big part of you not moving into the paid-for house in RI because Jen thought she would be miserable there? Shouldn't you have the same consideration? Sure there are things there that would be great like a promotion, more money, and all that hot weather you are so enamoured with, but is that going to be enough, or will Florida just end up being your new Bangor? If it is, do you really want to go through that again?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

"Florida is the new Bangor" is totally my new favorite slogan. The only thing that is better about Florida than Bangor is the weather. Sunny skies and hot days, baby!! It seems like it might be a moot point now anyway, because they're apparently only trying to offer Jen teeny bits of money which is insulting and also not enough to lose rights over.

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

D'oh. No. Not at all.