I want my Mommy!

[judecorp]

You know, I have fun when I'm babysitting, all the way up until it's time for bed. Then it is just SO exhausting.

E will just not go to sleep! She follows the whole bedtime routine perfectly - potty, pajamas, toothbrushing, two books... then all hell breaks loose. She just Will. Not. Sleep. She lays there, eyes wide, telling me she misses Mommy 873278723957 times. (And I know she misses Mommy, and I feel bad that she misses Mommy, but really, what can I do about it?)

I've tried almost everything... from cuddling and trying to make her feel better to explaining that Mommy will be home soon to ignoring her after the first couple of times to saying, "Shhh, time for sleep, no more talking" a million times to laying in bed next to her and reading a book. Sometimes she falls asleep eventually (bedtime is at 8 and the moms come home between 10 and 10:30 usually) and sometimes she is still awake when they get home.

It's just so exhausting. In fact, I'm now dreading going over there because I don't want another 2 hours of "I want my Mommy" when there isn't a dang thing I can do to help. It's not like I can mysteriously make Mommy come home, you know? (I tell them this is going on, that's really the best I can do.) It becomes so tedious and last week I really felt myself becoming irritated.

I need to think of another strategy, and quick, because I'm not up for that tonight.

Comments

[eeka13.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think it depends on the kid's personality and the situation. There are kids I've known personally and professionally who get into moods where they're overly stressed and tired and they're going to cry, and it seems to be better to just let them have that space and be in the mood they need to be in. There are also kids who need this and that every 5 seconds, and it's clear that they haven't been consistently taught that their needs will be met. I tend to think that it's good for kids to have the experience of at least one person who consistently will meet their needs, but then, when they've gotten to a certain point where they aren't confident that their needs will be met and have become difficult kids, I'm not always sure if I'm teaching them that they're allowed to express needs or if I'm teaching them that they're allowed to demand attention inappropriately.

What I like about using music is that it's ambiguous. If you're humming kind of in a similar mood to the kid, but not outright interacting with the kid, it's like you're joining the kid in their space and giving them attention, but it's really not clear to them (or you) whether you're soothing them, ignoring them, drowning them out, etc. You're kind of really doing all of the above. Providing a holding environment is really effective, because then you aren't abandoning the kid, but you also aren't engaging them. It's a message of "I'm here, your needs are valid, but I'm in charge here and what we're doing right now is winding down." I think that even little kids know that it's such a gift you're providing them with, and they don't tend to fight with someone who's humming or playing guitar or something just for them. It's really kind of a way of active ignoring; you're DOING something, so it's more comfortable for everyone that you're not engaging the whimpers and complaints than if you did completely ignore them.