Up and up and up and down

[judecorp]

It was 61 degrees this afternoon, which was effing amazing.

So Jen called me this morning while I was in playgroup asking me to call her back, and I called immediately after playgroup and she told me that she was going to call and accept the job. Since I had some time for lunch (amazing also) I did what any self-respecting sad person would do - I pretty much told everyone I like at work. And they were sad, too.

Jen left me some garbled message later in the afternoon that I couldn't decipher (must have lost service), so I mentioned that to her when she got home and she told me part of the message. But it wasn't until I was on the phone with Former Coworker Sarah where I was telling her that Jen accepted the job that she told me that she didn't accept the job today, she asked for another day to think.

I can't handle this uncertainty. I really just need to know which way this is going so I can figure out how to deal with it. This back and forth is worse than anything else, because I have no way to cope because I don't know what I'm coping with. If she /does/ accept the job tomorrow, at least I have the support of my coworkers. If she doesn't, I have to go back and tell them all a different story. Ugh.

You know, I don't want to be a Florida-hater but aside from the deliciously warm weather, I can't find anything going for it. If it could give me just ONE thing: like allow us to adopt, or be one of the 13 states that mandates that insurance companies offer/provide infertility services, or have a commanding respect for social services, or /something/. But no.

How can a state filled with so many retired Northeasterners be so... blah?

Comments

[estrange.livejournal.com]

I know one good thing about Florida. I know a lady that lives there and she went through the adoption process and got her son from the Ukraine. So that's kind of a good thing? Disneyworld is in Florida & you can go there all the time. I know, you can get really cheap cruises in Florida.

It really sounds like she is going to take the job. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry :(

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

We can't adopt in Florida. It's against the law for "homosexuals" (which would include me, I suppose, because I'm in a same-sex relationship even though I don't consider myself homosexual) to adopt children.

Disneyworld is fun but it's just as fun when you fly in and go every so often. I think, anyway. There are so many places I want to go to that I haven't even seen yet - so I don't think I'll be going back to Disney any time soon (unless we get invited to tbons and awl's wedding).

[estrange.livejournal.com]

I didn't know Florida had that law - that sucks. Damn Florida. What about foster children? Do they have those terrible rules on them?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

No, LGBT folks can be foster parents in Florida, they just can't try to adopt their foster kids. Which to me seems very VERY wrong.

[prettyvacantone.livejournal.com]

Not to change the subject, but if not gay, what do you identify as? Pan?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yes, technically.

Usually I just say "queer." It's shorter. ;)

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

I'm probably way out of line, and if I am, then I apologize, but does you want matter at all? It seems to me like you don't want to go to Florida. Two days ago you were looking at fertility clinics and home ownership in Western Mass, which really, you've been dreaming of since I met you. Is this job so amazing that it's worth giving up a house, a baby, and legal rights? Florida scares me and I have all kinds of legal rights... it's double Bushed... Bush squared? amBushed? Eh, none of those sound scary and funny enough... but you get my point. And I'm sure you already know that Jeb is there assing the place up, but my point, however I may ramble, is that I'm worried this will be your new Bangor. A place that you don't want to be, where you are unhappy, but you try hard to suck it up to make someone else happy... YOU should be happy, too.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I would like to be happy.

I would also like a bazillion babies and a house in western mass with the hippies and a subaru outback and a PONY. And I would also like Jen to have a job she doesn't hate that makes an amount of money she thinks is decent.

I don't know what to say. I'm sure what I want matters... but I don't want to say, "Turn this down for me," because then what she wants doesn't matter, either. She honestly believes that this will be her ticket to the "real world" of no more retail jobs and a decent career and who am I to say she's right or wrong? I don't want her to work in retail, either... I'm just more apt to stick with the "enemy we know" (being broke in Boston) than some uncharted territory in a scary, scary place.

It /is/ really shocking to me that only a couple of days ago I was posting all of my New Years resolutions and now we could be nixing most of them. I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me. I don't know how to pull that rug back and help Jen reach her dreams at the same time.

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

See, now, correct me if I'm wrong, but a while back there had been an idea tossed around of whether or not to occupy your dad's house in RI. It's paid for, it's near your family, it would be easier for you to save money, etc. But Jen would have been miserable there. So that idea got canned. So Jen's feelings have been brought into consideration. Have you told her how much you really really don't want to go, or have you done the 'I want you to make the best decision for you' thing? I mean, if she really really didn't wnat to live in RI and you really really don't want to live in FL, then a compromise of some other place should be made. There are corporations everywhere if the suck bag cubicle world of corporate job is were she really wants to go. She doesn't HAVE to go to FL to get another job. I mean, if Disney was offering her a job and asking her to move to FL to animate or whatnot, that would be one thing. But if she's looking for X office job, that's another.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Good points, all.

I actually gave this a lot of thought and changed the way I said some things to her, including bringing up the RI thing which I actually hadn't made the connection to, and I think it made things a lot clearer in both of our heads.

So thank you. Please don't ever think you're out of line or whatever because well, quite frankly, you've known me longer than most of these folks and besides, I value your opinions.

xoxo

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

Well good. I'm glad it's all working out for the best so far.

[keelamonster.livejournal.com]

How can a state filled with so many retired Northeasterners be so... blah?

It's because they're all retired. So they dont' care about the young people anymore. And they vote. Unlike the young people. So they get their way, which is stodgy and mean and sometimes just plain stupid.

My dad likes to refer to the AARP as 50,000 old people all bound together by discount airfare.

Stupid old people.

[siercia]

I was going to say the same thing. Florida got all our old people, who didn't want to be around us godless young whippersnappers. Or something like that.

But seriously, so many things change at generational speed (look at racist and sexism, eh?), so it doesn't surprise me that otherwise sane old people are still stupid about same sex families. Doesn't make it right, or good, or any less sucky, but that's probably a big part of it.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know... but it also seems like we have old people here who are more adaptable... almost like all of the progressive old people stay up here (like my grandparents) while the old fuddy-duddies go down there to all live en masse

Terrifying.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Hey, awesome - that quote is funny and now there's one thing I like about your dad (other than all the parts about how he made you, of course), politically speaking, I mean.

[keelamonster.livejournal.com]

Sort of the irony about the dad: he's kind of funny and loveable when he's also not entirely loveable. Is that how you spell that or do you leave out the /e/? Hrm.

Not the point. The point is that he's 71 years old (at least he will be in about a week and a half) and he can find the old people tiresome. I find that hysterical.

And hey, not all the reppies suck. Just like not all the demies suck. :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure you keep the 'e'. Otherwise it looks really funny.

I have token Reppie friends! Honest! ;)