If it didn't happen to me, I'd never believe it was true.

[judecorp]

Let me just tell you, if you guys aren't social workers in an inner-city setting, you really don't know what you're missing. Seriously. Because I bet you don't do majorly wacky crap at work like I do. This is even wackier than Dildo Dolly, really, because it involved a client instead of just my crazy coworkers.

Today, during a regular old home visit with a family I've worked with for about a year now and with whom I have a good relationship, I was writing my progress note (which I do at the end of my visit, leaving a copy for the family to keep in a binder) and mindlessly chatting with the mom and the maternal grandmother while the baby was on the floor. So I'm writing, and chatting, and whatever, when the mom asks with a perfectly straight face:

Do you pee out of your clitoris? Where do you pee out of?

To be honest, I was only half listening to the conversation so I don't even know what brought on that little goodie, but I was certainly awake afterwards. I mean, really, it's not every day that you get to explain the anatomy of a woman, tossing out random chat about vaginas and urethras and buttholes and whatever else. So when I finish this, she asks, "So you have four holes?" And I say, "No, three," and she says, "But what about the clitoris, isn't that a hole?"

And then I get to explain to this mother-of-three (and her at least 50-year-old mother) all about her clitoris, what it's made of, what it's for, and why it's great.

WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?

~//~

p.s. Fin got neutered today and he has one of those little lampshades on his head. If he wasn't so miserable about it, it would be the funniest thing ever. Poor little dude.

Comments

[prunesnprisms.livejournal.com]

Did you draw her a diagram? Did you want a whiteboard?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I shoulda just dropped trou and gave a visual aid.

[siercia]

Wow, you lead the most interesting life.

And HOW on EARTH did I forget that you also had a new cat? We totally need to plan a pair of kitty meeting dates. Want to perhaps come over for dinner on Sunday?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

See? Ditch your cushy office job and come have adventures with me!

And yes, we need to meet some prospective kitties. Fin is getting so big and probably won't be a kitten anymore soon. (He is huge, he is going to be another Daedalus.) And I want to meet those adorable cats at your place.

Sunday /should/ work, but I'll definitely have to double-check with the boss. I don't think there's anything but hey, I'm always wrong about that stuff.

[haloumi.livejournal.com]

You could become a superhero!

"Informs Women About Their Clitoris" Person to the rescue!

Although, I'm damned if I know what they'd beam into the sky to let you know that there was, excuse the pun, trouble downtown.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Bwa ha ha ha, downtown!!

[murnkay.livejournal.com]

The Clitoral Aid and her sidekick Lick There.

[oddharmonic.livejournal.com]

*falls off chair*

*keeps laughing*

*cat comes over to make sure the food-dispensing human is okay*

Thanks.

[damdyke.livejournal.com]

Three things:

Firstly: Holy Crap! Talk about being caught off guard...
Secondly: it's kind of sad to think about not knowing/understanding all about your clitoris and other various body parts and functions.
Thirdly: it was a good thing you did today, educating that woman, Jude. Way to go. Really, I just can't imagine not knowing, but if I didn't, I would hope for someone to answer my questions the way you did for her.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I really think that all women should know and understand their bodies. And it was kind of nice (though weird) that her mom was in the room with her, too, because she obviously didn't know either (otherwise her daughter would have more of an idea probably).

It baffles me that someone could have had multiple children and not know the inner workings of her own body. But hopefully my little random Tuesday afternoon tidbit will bring a little bit of unexpected pleasure into her life. ;)

[daddi-cade.livejournal.com]

Secondly: it's kind of sad to think about not knowing/understanding all about your clitoris and other various body parts and functions.

Poor woman's probably never had an orgasm in her life either...

[indigodove.livejournal.com]

Wow. I have to say, nothing like that happened to me in the field. I have other charming stories, but whoah.

Seriously, I'm glad she trusted you enough to ask. She paid you a huge compliment today.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

The one thing that I like about my job that is SOOO much better than our shared child welfare history is that the people I visit now actually /want/ to see me (most of the time). I visit weekly for most of my families, too, so we all really get to know each other.

I'm especially proud, though, of my relationship with this particular family because they were incredibly resistant when we first started services, and I actually closed their case once at the beginning for repeated no-shows. Then something clicked with them and they realized that I really wasn't there to judge their family, just provide information and support (I think they had a previous worker that called social services on them) - and once they got the idea that I wasn't out to get them for things like putting "blue juice" (favorite oxymoron ever) in a baby bottle but I /would/ give them crap for not keeping their medical appointments, it was all good.

It's funny, in some of the more "professional" jobs I've had (like outpatient therapist), I've had a much harder time resonating with people. But give me working class or underclass folks, young parents, and the totally chaotic nightmare families and it's all a good time. That's where my mouth doesn't get me in trouble! ;)

got one for ya...

[thelastbard.livejournal.com]

First: OMG. That is both bizarre and very sad at the same time.

Second: This reminds me of the time I worked as an administrator at that learning disability boarding school and was called to a female cabin about a complaint. One of the older girls, who had Asburghers, was having odor problems, and her roommates couldn't stand it anymore. While their RA occupied the others, it was my solemn duty to ask the young girl what might be the problem. She exclaimed she didn't know (and not a once did she feel odd that an adult male would concern himself with these kinds of things, let alone know anything about it). She mentioned that her roommates would not let her sit on their beds because she left behind a particular odor. At that point, I had to explain the finer points of feminine hygiene - products, appropriate times, and things of this nature. (No techiniques, mind you. Didn't know any.) When I was finished, she seemed a bit embarrased, but slightly relieved that someone explained it to her. She didn't have a problem afterwards.

Sometimes I miss that old boarding school...

Re: got one for ya...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Gah, that's even tougher with the whole Asperger's piece. Because really, being in an awkward adolescent situation while having extra trouble reading social cues must just be really, really hard. Bravo to you for being willing and able to champion the cause!

Sometimes it's extra fun to work with people who have little to lose. Because hey, you can't screw up as much! ;)

p.s. BOOBS

[amyura.livejournal.com]

You're my new hero. Women not knowing about the clitoris is one of the saddest things I've ever heard.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I agree 100%. How terrible! :(

[ktmcda.livejournal.com]

wow!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Did I earn KatePoints? :)

[mayna.livejournal.com]

hahaha I about fell out of my chair.
too bad my job's not nearly so interesting as yours, Symantec Antivirus didn't ask me any interesting questions as I was installing it... wouldn't it be cool if it did?

[Installation Window] Do you agree to follow our terms of the license, not sell or make copies of this software, only use it on one computer, and give us your firstborn child if you break the pinky swear?
[Agree] [Cancel]

*click agree*

[Next Installation Window] Don't you hate when your testacles stick to your leg in hot weather? (sorry, computer programmers are all men here)
[Yes] [No]

*click yes, as it pays to be sympathetic*

[Next Installation Window] How many holes does a clitoris have? (inquiring minds want to know)
[0] [1] [Infinity]

*click 0 because we're smart*

[Next Installation Window] Cannot complete installation. We thought about clitorises and couldn't finish programming the software. Good-bye.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Okay, this was one of the funniest things you've ever said in my journal. Hee hee, I can't stop laughing!!

*click yes, as it pays to be sympathetic*
*dies*

[kat-chan.livejournal.com]

Of course, this makes me think of the "women" who do pee through what they consider their "clitoris". At least until they have the surgery! ;)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah. But that's a topic for another home visit, I think! :)

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

You should have left them Sue Johanson's phone number in case they have any other random questions.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Ha ha ha - she freaks me out a little bit.

VERY BELATED COMMENT

[violacat.livejournal.com]

Hi, I'm a couple weeks behind on my friends list, you'll get used to it. :)

I seem to be the only one who wants to comment on the cat...when Loki got neutered (did you see Loki? I forget), they gave him back before the anasthesia had worn off, and the poor boy was trying to walk around my room, but he kept falling over. I could not convince him to lie down for a while. He looked for all the world like a small furry absolutely trashed boyo.

Re: VERY BELATED COMMENT

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I don't mind the belatedness, Molly-Come-Lately!

And yeah, they neutered Fin at like 3:45pm and then had me pick him up at 5:30... he was still quite wobbly when I opened the carrier. Poor drunk kitty!

I did get to meet Loki (briefly). He is quite lovely!

p.s. We miss you kids!