Wanting my fair share

[judecorp]

Jen has been asleep since she laid down an hour ago with a bad headache. I'm trying not to be upset about it but it's hard. It's not her fault that she had a headache and went to bed but we get so little time together as it is that sometimes I feel so cheated when what time I /am/ expecting gets taken away. She worked late on Monday and Tuesday so this was going to be our first night to actually be together. Poo.

She had a haircut appointment immediately after work and I originally wasn't going to meet her there (parking is a bitch in the South End in the evening), but decided to because it would take her forever to get home otherwise. After 20 minutes of circling (ugh, I /loathe/ circling) I found a spot and waited for her in the salon. Then she wanted to go somewhere for dinner so we went to The Blarney Stone, which was in my head because some coworkers went there at 5:30. When we got there, some of them were still there, so we ate with them and whatever and then went home.

As soon as we got home, Jen said she was going to bed. I feel so robbed of my time. I didn't get a split second of alone time with her this evening and I'm bummed. I wish I didn't get so disappointed when stuff like this happens; I'm not sure what I can do to change it. You feel what you feel, after all. I just hate that we get so little time together and I look forward to that time so much.

I guess it's great that after all this time I still want to usurp all of her time, but I hate feeling this way when I don't get my share. On the way home from the haircut she told me that we could spend some good QT once we got home from dinner. Feh. Cheated.

Comments

[damdyke.livejournal.com]

I hear you. With Lana's school schedule, half the time we are home together, we're not really *together* because she's got her head in a book or is working on crap on the computer. Sorry you got bummed out. It just plain sucks, Jude, and I just wanted to validate that fact.

[oxlahun.livejournal.com]

Yeah. What she said (except from the other side).

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

When are you done with school?

[oxlahun.livejournal.com]

Here's the thing, see, I'm currently being funded by a grant from the Department of Homeland Security. So that information is classified.

Sadly, I don't currently have a security clearance, so I don't know either. I expect to have a proposal in the late spring timeframe. After that, it's just a matter of doing a bunch of work and writing a book about it that no more than 6 people in the universe will ever read, but they all have to agree on what it says just in case.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's kind of fascinating. But I miss you.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, having busy lives totally sucks sometimes. I mean, it's nice to live in the same house and stuff, but I still want to, you know, spend time together - not watching tv, not in the same room doing different things. I think sometimes when relationships go to those "next steps," some of that QT stuff gets left out. I don't ever want that to happen.

[whirledpeas.livejournal.com]

Could I suggest one thing though?

You did have a good chance to spend some time together, during dinner...and in the time to and from. Instead that time was with work-people...and probably Jen was along for the ride.

I'm sure I could be projecting here...but...

In several past relationships I've been known to say "let's spend time with other people - who are probably my coworkers because that's how it is in housing" and think that my partner would enjoy it and it would be good times for all of us. Then, when we'd get home - I'd find out that while she'd had a good time because she also enjoyed my coworkers, she'd really gone for me...but that was NOT quality time together.

I guess my other suggestion is this ... (in an attempt to reframe) ... you didn't have lastnight...but you have the rest of your lives.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

To be fair, I didn't choose the restaurant so that I could hang out with coworkers, nor was I the one to suggest that we go out to dinner. We actually were going to grab food near where Jen's haircut was, but we looked at the menus for some of the places (it's a shee-shee area) and they were too pricey. We decided to go somewhere close to home, and while the place was on my mind because some people from work were going there 3 hours before we were, it was a place Jen has been talking about wanting to go to, because it's hip or whatever and happens to be down the street from our place.

We /had/ talked on the way to dinner (not really 'from' since it was 0.5 miles away or whatever) and had specifically talked about spending quality time at home after dinner. So I don't think I was too off base being disappointed because we had to cancel something we'd been planning. Heck, this morning Jen said she was really disappointed, too.

It's true that we have the rest of our lives to spend together (even in limited amounts), but I don't think that makes it any less valid that I was bummed out about the time we /didn't/ get to spend. In fact, I think it was really more of a commentary about how lucky I feel that we still want to spend that kind of QT together, even with life in the way, even after several years. It seemed kind of positive to me, but I suppose it doesn't have to be.

[whirledpeas.livejournal.com]

Oh well hell, that's totally fair. You fill in the spaces nicely.

And OF COURSE I'll never tell you you're off base about FEELING something...you have every right to feel how you do!

Much love.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You know what I want to feel?

YOUR BOOBS.