:(

[judecorp]

Feeling totally blah and pessimistic this morning. 13DPO, another BFN. I just don't think we pulled it off this time.

I wasn't expecting to feel this bad about it. Oh well. We get the final word tomorrow afternoon.

And I /really/ wish I would stop having dreams about taking positive pregnancy tests. Yeah.

Comments

[ktmcda.livejournal.com]

Jude...you'll keep trying till you get a bun in your oven. Sometimes it takes a few cycles. Think of it this way, perhaps the egg you released this time had a little Chucky doll in it. You're grateful you didn't get THAT, right? Don't worry, a better, less evil and murderous kid awaits.

(((xo)))

[thatpatti.livejournal.com]

a chucky doll - ha! seems like i ahve one of those sometimes....

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

That made me laugh so effing hard. Chucky is definitely NOT something I want in my belleh!

*stabbing motions*

[stapynam.livejournal.com]

do you have any pms symptoms?

your baby will find you, she just might not have been first in line.

i hate bfn's.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I don't really get too many PMS symptoms, just that I tend to be more emotionally sensitive and sometimes my nipples are a little tender. I'm sure I'm overly sensitive, have been since I took Clomid... and yeah, I've got the boob thing going on.

But I don't really get too many other symptoms. Sometimes my skin breaks out. That hasn't happened yet. But it doesn't always.

xo

[laserkitty.livejournal.com]

Sorry Jude - sometimes it takes time. Stay positive!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'm trying, I really am. Right now I'm promising myself iced coffee and sushi if I get my REAL BFN.

[meglett.livejournal.com]

((hugs)) i know it must feel as though tomorrow is 9764 days away. with our first cycle, i was also surprised with how upsetting/disappointing it was when it didn't take. i had been so confident....i'll be virtually holding your hand until the blood test.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I thought I was being pretty level-headed about the whole thing, and I still am for the most part.

I guess what is hard and what is catching me off guard is just the random sadness... and then I blame myself for putting myself in this position. What I mean is, last year was so sad with my dad's death and all the drama, and the house crap and the toll it took on my marriage and how awful that was. And things had come to a nice, stable place and now I'm like, "Great, I went and gave myself something new to be sad about."

I don't know, I second guess everything.

xoxoxo love you

[estrange.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. Don't worry too much - it was only your first time! It took me 4 times to get pregnant with Devin & 7 months to get pregnant this time. Hang in there.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Sure, it's only our first time but that doesn't make it any less sad. I'm sure you can relate. BFN #1 doesn't hurt less than BFN #3, yanno? It's still disappointing.

Aah well, there's always next time.

[estrange.livejournal.com]

Yeah I know how hard it is - I'm sorry.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It's okay, we'll work it out. :)

[mayna.livejournal.com]

13 days past ovulation and a big fat negative!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It's totally a cult.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Dude, maybe she's just not TRYING HARD ENOUGH! :) She needs to practice more!!

[mayna.livejournal.com]

When I was preg with Maylie I took a test at 13 dpo and got a bfn. but on day 14 I went to the dr and got a +.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, I sure would love it if that happened to me!

[mayna.livejournal.com]

The funny thing is I knew I was pregnant from about 9 dpo because I was charting my temps and they were staying up rather than dipping down to the other half of the bell curve.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Mine don't dip down before AF at all. They stay up and when I wake up in the morning with AF, my temp is back in the 97s. But on my last non-AF day, it's still up in the 98s. At least, that's how it has been.

[sassyjenski.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry. it IS really hard. do you want in-your-face positivity? then read the first bullet. realism tinged with hope? second point.

1. you're using the crappy dollar tree tests. they gave me negatives repeatedly until i was almost 8 weeks knockered. even then, it was a faint positive that i would have second guessed if i didn't have raging nausea. don't give up hope yet. you could still be preggo.

2. eh, it didn't take the first time. it will. even without intervention and with all the fertility in the world, people rarely get it right the first time. it IS gut wrenching. the 2 weeks after ovulation are THE WORST. There's all the unfounded hope and daydreaming and all the dread, and NO CERTAINTY, which for us planners is worse than just getting the negative over with. Keep trying. This will totally happen for you! don't give up hope!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

1. I switched brands this morning and used one that actually cost money. I think that's why I was so bummed... because I was taking so much comfort in the goofy $1ness of it all but this was more "real" (and much later).

2. I just don't know how long I can keep trying. I don't know how some people do it for so LONG. I don't know if I can realistically set myself up to be sad for an endless amount of time when we've been working so hard to NOT be sad.

I guess I just need to find a way not to be sad about it. Like thinking about iced coffee and sushi. :)

[oddharmonic.livejournal.com]

I just don't know how long I can keep trying. I don't know how some people do it for so LONG. I don't know if I can realistically set myself up to be sad for an endless amount of time when we've been working so hard to NOT be sad.

The friend I carpooled to school with when I was a little burrito arrived after her parents had been trying for NINE years. No kidding.

A few years ago I asked her mother if anything in particular drove them to be so persistent about it. Her answer: eventually they would either have a child they *really* wanted or a rational explanation of why they didn't.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Nine years? Oy. There's no way I could wait that long. I sure don't want to be birthing a child when I'm 40 when I /already/ have fertility issues. I'm ready to be a parent NOW and I will steal a baby from the mall play area if I have to!

(Okay, that last part is kidding.)

[snack.livejournal.com]

zee fanclub, zey will be vaiting here for jou.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yay! :)

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

I understand your disappointment on your BFN's. We've been at this for 16 months now and that's all I've ever seen. Don't give up hope. I know it sounds cheesy, but it the thought of having hope does a lot for me.
*Thinking of you*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I am vibing you BIG TIME for tomorrow, you know. I really feel like this is your month!

See, I don't think I could try for 16 months. I would end up adopting way before then, I'm sure. I guess there's not as much push to have a bio kid for us because no kid will be a combo of both of us, you know? It doesn't seem as important.

We want to grow a baby and bond with it in the womb and all of that, but if it doesn't happen, we will deal with it.

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

I really appreciate your vibes. I can feel them! I see your point about the bio kid. I feel like we should try with all our frozen embryos before we go to adoption. I worked so hard to harvest those eggs!
I hope we both have our baby to bond with soon. :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, definitely. Since you made those embyros, you should totally try that first.

I don't think I would ever do IVF. Jen and I talked about where our "line" would be and that's kind of where it is for me. Egg harvesting scares the poop out of me. :)

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

You both have a really good perspective on everything. I know you will be great parents however your baby arrives!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I hope you're right! And I hope you're resting up right now!