Adventures in Fertility Clinics

[judecorp]

(I promise this is more than just a fertility journal. I swear! I'll write something else soon.)

There is something incredibly funny about this whole process. All of the "sharing" that is going on is a little outside of my comfort zone and a LOT outside of my growing-up experience.

You have to realize that as I grew up, I lived with a single father and my older brother. I saw my mother on Saturdays but we didn't have a terribly close mother-daughter relationship, and thus never had those "moments" where moms tell their little girls about the birds and the bees and why boys are bad and what to do when you wake up with blood in your underwear. Or whatever. I got all of my biological information from books (and of course the film strip we all saw in grade 6) because my closest female influence was my grandmother, who lived next door in a 1950s timewarp and just plain did not talk about things like, you know, sex. I got my first period when I was 14 years old and was one of the last of my friends, so I'd had all of their horror stories and was well prepared. But growing up in a house of boys always had an element of silence around All Things Female. It's not like Dad was going to run to the store and grab the newest and flashiest "feminine hygiene products" any more than my brother and I were going to sit around and swap cycle stories. It was actually kind of surreal when my dad's second wife moved in with her teenage daughter, because all of a sudden there was all of this talk of tampons and whatnot, right out in public! Aah, how the other half lived.

So it's always a little awkward when I have to call into my clinic and report to the nurse that, yes, today is Cycle Day 1 (which is much more medical and therefore more comforting to me than to say, "Hey, I got my period today, yo!"), and then we get to, you know, talk about it. Since it is the weekend, I didn't even get to talk to the nurse that I see all the time, and instead got forwarded to the Waltham office to talk to Strange Nurses. Which of course means this is the perfect cycle to have to Ask Questions.

Me: Umm, I umm, I just wanted to call and say I started a new cycle.
Strange Nurse: So this is Day 1?
Me: Well, see, that's what I wanted to ask you about. (*dying on the inside*) I actually... kindasortastartedlastnightIthinkalittle.
SN: When did you start full flow?
Me: (*dies again*, as "full flow" is one of those phrases that just, I don't know, *dies*) *goes into a longer explanation of when, and how much, and dear god just smite me now so I can stop, okay?*
SN: Okay, well, we'll just count today as Day One. Your regular nurse will call you tomorrow morning.
Me: Okay, thanks, bye! *dies* *sets chart and monitor*

Now this would all be exciting enough, except that my phone rings about 30 minutes later.

Me: Hello?
SN2: (after asking if I'm me, etc.) So you started your period last night sometime?
Me: (Lady, we hardly know each other!) Uhh, well, you see... [insert details here]
SN2: Okay, well today is Day 2.
Me: The last nurse said to call it Day 1.
SN2: Well, I like to use 10pm as a cut-off time.
Me: Umm, okay, thanks. *dies* *runs to reset the chart, the monitor, etc. like the obsessive freak that I am*

All this between 8 and 9 on a dreary Sunday morning. Who says there's no excitement in the world?

(This CD2 stuff is actually kind of a PITA because I'm supposed to start Clomid on Day 3 and the pharmacy usually overnights it to my house. So unless they can same-day it to my house tomorrow (from Waltham), I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I guess I'll find out tomorrow. Oh, the fun! Oh, the good times! When did my life become so much like a Woody Allen movie?)

Comments

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

TTC with medical assistance is a PITA for sure!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I feel like I spend more time talking with or visiting nurses than I do in my own home!

[buddhafly4224.livejournal.com]

hahaha i died laughing reading those conversations. i'm not sure how i would handle that, either. there would probably be a lot of awkward laughter.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I try to act like it's all cool when I'm on the phone, like talking about what hour of the freaking day I got my period is a perfectly normal conversation. You'd be amazed what trying to have a baby does to people. I have a good friend who is also TTC and she called me the other morning saying, "So, I think I have eggwhite. Eggwhite is good, right? Am I supposed to have a ton of it?" and we proceeded to talk about cervical mucus for at least 10 minutes. I was in my classroom setting up. She was at court!

I'm telling you, the whole thing is so ridiculously awkward that all you can do is just keep going and try to play it cool. ;)

[smurfbrother.livejournal.com]

On the flip side, think of my poor dissertation adviser. He's got a wife and 3 little girls.

He'll be hearing about "full flow" for the next 30 years.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh, you don't know that. It's not like people actually TALK about this stuff. Like, ever. Unless you're trying to have a baby.

Just wait until you and G go for it. Then you'll have dinnertime conversations about cervical mucus just like all of the other lunatics. :)