No coherent focus

[judecorp]

I made chili tonight. I thought it might be too hot outside for chili but it actually was pretty good. So now there is lots of leftover chili. Yum! It's supposed to get super hot over the weekend, though, so who knows about the chili.

I have to meet a family at Children's Hospital tomorrow at 9am. I hope there is an ATM there because I forgot to get parking money.

Last weekend I was talking to Coworker Marti and she was telling me about this family she works with, a teen mom who has teenage sisters and now one of the sisters is pregnant. I guess Marti asked her client if she ever talked to her sisters about birth control and the mom said she would be too embarrassed. So Marti relays this to my boss, who says, "You should bring Jude out there to talk to them. She likes to talk to people about sex." This is because the office still cracks up about the time I explained to a mom and a grandma where their clitoris was. I am a sex ed sensation at work!

Still no sign of ovulation, which is kind of poopy. I suppose I'll end up taking Provera to kick start the bleeding in a couple of weeks, which SUCKS because every time I've ever taken Provera I've become an emotional basket case. I wonder why that is? I've only ever taken it three times and they were all bad.

We have been invited to two weddings in August and they are both girl-girl weddings. That should be fun! Since they are in two completely different social circles, I can wear the same clothes. Which means I can wear the dress I wore to Mindy's wedding, since none of the same people will be there. Score! Hot clothes!

I really need some new clothes, preferably some pants that fit me and some shirts for warm weather that aren't tshirts. Someday I may have to get a job where you have to, you know, wear real clothes. Damn.

Ralph goes to the door and cries and cries to go out on the porch. I have created a monster. I shall have to take pictures of D & R in their outdoor happiness.

This post has no point whatsoever. Quick! Tell me a joke!

Comments

a joke for you

[rockymtnhigh.livejournal.com]

*holds up index & middle fingers*

Why do girls like to masturbate with these two fingers??

Re: a joke for you

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I don't know. Why?

Re: a joke for you

[rockymtnhigh.livejournal.com]

Because they're mine :-D

Re: a joke for you

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, holy crap, I am going to tell that to EVERYONE!

[quinniepants.livejournal.com]

don't park in the chb garage! if you're going to be there a while, park at dfci, it's cheaper and less of a hassle to escape from. if i still worked there i'd totally give you a free parking voucher. of course i'd probably be dead by now. oh, or you could give blood and then they let you park for free. not sure if you're allowed to, what with the babymaking stuff...

joke-
q: how many indie rockers does it take to change a light bulb?
a: psh, you mean you don't know?

it's kind of in the delivery, but hopefully it translates.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the tip. My job reimburses for parking expenses so it's no big deal as long as I get a receipt. But thanks for the tip! I wish you still worked there because then I would have stopped in to see you after the appointment. Aah well.

Also, I suppose I could give blood right now since babymaking is on hold until the doctor decides what our next plan of action is. But every time I've tried to give blood, I've been rejected.

Also, that is a funny joke. :)

[eight.livejournal.com]

I recommend Target for summer non-tshirts. I just bought a whole bunch of ... sleeveless shirts, I guess (is that the right name for guinea tees?) and they're appropriate enough that I wear them too work.

As for a joke ... I hope you don't hate me after I tell it.

What's the best part of being a clown?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I should go check out Target. Last time we were there to buy cat litter or whatever, it looked like they had some good stuff.

Also, I don't know. What IS the best part of being a clown?

[eight.livejournal.com]

Cleaning the children's blood out of your costume.

(I know it's terrible. I've been forbidden to tell it on many occasions. I just ... can't ... stop myself. I apologize.)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Ha ha ha, clowns are so effing scary. Why? I've always wondered this, but they totally are. :)

[carina-s.livejournal.com]

I hope you post more about the chili.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Really? What do you want to know about the chili?

[skreeky]

There's probably a closer ATM, but if you have trouble finding one I know there is one inside the Longwood Galleria (corner of Longwood and Brookline Ave), near the CVS.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I ended up not needing an ATM because I found $9 in my wallet (which NEVER happens) and because the parking booth also took credit cards. However, because I didn't NEED an ATM, there was a Citizen's Bank ATM right in the lobby of Children's. :)

[lickingtoad.livejournal.com]

So there's this kid, his name's Charles. Charles loves clowns. He's got clown everything -- clown bedsheets, clown t-shirts, clown knee-socks, clown breakfast cereals, you get the idea. Clownsclownsclowns. One day his parents decide that a great birthday present this year would be to get little Chuckles some tickets to the circus -- on account of the clowns, you see. So his birthday comes around, and he _loses his mind._ Circuscircuscircus. Clownsclownsclowns. For forty-five clownless minutes, he endures the circus. Elephants, no clowns. Acrobats, no clowns. Human cannonball, pas de clown. (That's French for "no clown.") Immediately and by surprise, clowns pop out /everywhere./ Clowns under his seat, clowns up the elephant's ... trunks, clowns posing as rows 23 through 25F. The head clown get's everybody's attention and asks for a volunteer -- lo and behold, Chas is in the seat the clowny ringmaster calls out. Holding up the hand that was picked, natch. He's thrilled. So the tippity-top clown asks him to pick an animal. Charlie ponders, comes up empty. The first-degree clown asks, "Well, how about a rabbit?" Cha-cha-charlie shakes his head, says no thanks. Next time: "How about a tree-frog?" C-Murder doesn't like frogs, so he takes a pass. Finally: "How about /an ass?!/" Everyone bursts out laughing, he's humiliated, worst day of his life. Kid /declares war/ on clowns. Burns down his house -- on account of all that clown stuff in it. Goes to clown college to reverse-engineer their techniques and become a master anti-clown. Think like the enemy, all the better to wipe them out. All of them. Spends years in Tibet on top of a mountain learning secret unclown knowledge from a deranged mime named Filthy Francois. Like seven years, he's up there. Long time. Finally he's ready. Heads back to the circus, ready to tip the domino that will bring all of clownness down like Jericho. For forty-five clownless minutes, he endures the circus. Elephants, no clowns. Acrobats, no clowns. Human cannonball, pas de clown. (That's French for "no clown.") Immediately and by surprise, clowns pop out /everywhere./ Clowns under his seat, clowns up the elephant's ... trunks, clowns posing as rows 23 through 25F. The head clown get's everybody's attention and asks for a volunteer -- lo and behold, Chas is in the seat the clowny ringmaster calls out. Holding up the hand that was picked, natch. So the tippity-top clown asks him to pick an animal again, just like before, and he blanks. He wasn't expecting it. Clown suggests, "How about a ghost-shrimp?" Charlie, wary, turns him down. Next time, it's: "How about a tufted titmouse?" Chuckles is kind of a prude, says no thanks. Lastly: "How about /an ass?!?" All over again, he's flooded with pain and shame and humiliation as the crowd bursts into laughter at his expense. Fighting back tears, he remembers his training:

"Oh yeah?"
"Oh /yeah?/"
"Well, /fuck you,/ clown!"

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

So I bet this is way funnier when you're telling it in person. So when are you coming to Boston to tell me this joke? :)