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Just apologize, dude. For REALZ.
Okay, this is annoying. It's a total pet peeve of mine. Or really, more than a pet peeve. It's something that I get really REALLY angry about.
Pope sorry for reaction to his remarks.
I don't care if you are the Pope or whoever, you do NOT apologize for someone else's reaction. You apologize for your mistake, or your action, or your decision, or YOUR anything. "Apologizing" for someone's reaction or feelings is not apologizing at all!
I would feel a lot better if the article said, "Pope sorry for words spoken during oration," or something like that. Instead we get:
Few things irritate me more than when someone "apologizes" to me saying, "I'm sorry you're hurt/sad/upset." I tend to snap back, "Please don't apologize for me." I just can't stand it.
Way to victim blame, Pope.
Pope sorry for reaction to his remarks.
I don't care if you are the Pope or whoever, you do NOT apologize for someone else's reaction. You apologize for your mistake, or your action, or your decision, or YOUR anything. "Apologizing" for someone's reaction or feelings is not apologizing at all!
I would feel a lot better if the article said, "Pope sorry for words spoken during oration," or something like that. Instead we get:
"At this time I wish also to add that I am deeply sorry for the reactions in some countries to a few passages of my address at the University of Regensburg, which were considered offensive to the sensibility of Muslims," the pope said Sunday.
Few things irritate me more than when someone "apologizes" to me saying, "I'm sorry you're hurt/sad/upset." I tend to snap back, "Please don't apologize for me." I just can't stand it.
Way to victim blame, Pope.
no subject
I totally agree that it's offensive and belittling for someone to make a fake apology like that for something said publicly. Yes, either apologize or don't.
I do think that approach can be appropriate in a truly sincere (and personal) interaction. If someone says something to me that's sincere and that's based on them expressing their needs and feelings, and explains that they're really sorry I'm upset about what they've said, but that they feel they really needed to be genuine and express it, I'm going to appreciate the honesty (and that the person can share genuine feelings with me). But yeah, done flippantly, it's an obnoxious approach.
I once worked at a residential treatment program with a DBT-based milieu using the Boys Town social skills model. The kids were taught skills ranging from basic (greeting others, introducing oneself) up through pretty advanced ones (disagreeing appropriately, setting appropriate boundaries, giving criticism, accepting compliments).
The steps for "disagreeing appropriately" are something like acknowledging the person's position, apologizing that there's a disconnect/disagreement, stating your piece, offering some sort of steps toward a solution. When done more-or-less by this list, it's a HUGE improvement over most of these kids' tendencies to be flat-out argumentative and disruptive. Even if there's still some pretty obvious passive-aggressive stuff or narcissistic stuff going on, the interaction does at least look like an interaction you'd find among professionals in a workplace rather than thuggy children who are about to pounce on one another.
But yeah, I'd definitely see times that kids honestly thought they were doing it "right," but were clearly being flippant with it. I remember one teacher pointing out to a girl that a certain action was disrespectful of someone else and she might want to try doing X instead. The girl responded, repeatedly, to everything the teacher said with "I'm sorry you feel that way, but [really pathetic rationalization of her behaviors]..." So yeah, her little lip-service approach seemed actually quite a bit LESS respectful than just being flat-out argumentative.
no subject
Yes, I can see what you're saying about the sincerity aspect... and sometimes people /are/ genuinely sorry that someone is, say, feeling upset. But I still believe that if I had /any/ hand in the person's upset feelings, my apology means more if it's about my part than their feelings. Now if someone's just upset and it doesn't have anything to do with me, that's a different story entirely.
And I can totally see the "disagreeing appropriately" thing as an alternative to some people's current problem-solving skill set. You're talking about people in a residential setting and I'm talking about someone whose supposed spiritual and vocational calling is to lead an enormous religious community and act as a spiritual guide to TONS of people. So I guess what I'm saying is that I hold him to higher standards, especially when there are throes of people who are using his actions/words as a guidepost for their own.