Thank you, friends.

[judecorp]

I don't know if I will respond to all of the comments on the last post, but I wanted to say thank you. Your support, everyone's really, means a lot to all of us.

I did some looking around with my good friend Dr. Google and the consensus seems to be that if this happens during the first trimester, it is usually okay. Of course "usually" is a lot like "95%" and you know that someone always has to be unusual. I am just hoping hardcore that this time it is not us. We are very happy about how well our Baby A is doing and if we had to lose a baby to have a successful pregnancy, than it will be worth it. I just do not want to lose both.

I know that this is a fairly common occurance, and Vanishing Twins happen in many multiple pregnancies and lots of people go on to have full-term, healthy babies. Jen and I looked at the ultrasound pictures again and we both think that Baby B looks different than it did at our last ultrasound and maybe it is already started to absorb. The tech asked us if we wanted pictures of Baby A or both and I'm glad we took both pictures. If we do have a healthy baby I will want him or her to know that s/he had a sibling.

Right now we are both trying to be very optimistic and positive. We know there is nothing we can do in terms of controlling and/or preventing anything in this situation and we are just trying to do our best and hang in there. Hopefully in the New Year we can look back on how stressful this was, and how much we love each other.

I also love all of you. Thank you for caring about my family.

Comments

[amyura.livejournal.com]

I bled a LOT during my first trimester. It stressed me out to no end. An ER doc told me miscarriage was inevitable. I cried all the time and nothing anyone said about how common it was made me feel any better. And that "inevitable miscarriage" is turning one in three weeks. My suggestion is to just be still, grieve Baby B, and give all your love to Baby A. I strongly believe that babies know how we feel right from the start and that your baby knows how much it is loved and wanted.

Hang in there.....

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Gosh I hope I pull through like you did. (Thanks for the awesome picture card, btw. So cute!) I really do. It's just so scary - I wish they'd Pollyanna'd me even though that drove me nuts at my other doc's office... but now I'm all Doom and Gloom.

I really do hope that babies know how we feel - because I think that would make this one stick around!

[drainbead.livejournal.com]

I cried for both of you when I heard the news. I hope everything works out for the best.

[estrange.livejournal.com]

I am so glad that you are feeling a little better. I hope that getting through the first trimester goes quickly for you and everything goes perfectly from now on! When will you be out of the first trimester? Do you go in again for another check up or ultrasound soon?

The way I tried to look at it when my little twin miscarried was that the stronger of the two survived, which meant better chances of me carrying that baby to term. It helped give me a little reassurance anyway and maybe it will do the same for you.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Right now we're 10w3d, so only another week and a half. I asked the midwife if making it to the second trimester would still be that "safe zone" like it usually is and she said it would definitely help but that there would still be a risk. How long, man? I want to know when I can feel safe! Argh! I go in on Tuesday (which was my regularly scheduled appointment) for another u/s and meeting with a midwife.

I am feeling much more okay about having lost a twin than I am about the possibility that I will miscarry both. I know my midwife was extra cautious because I have had so much bleeding, but she pretty much told me that miscarriage was forthcoming. I wish she hadn't done that. When you lost your twin, did you have bleeding? Did anyone talk to you about chances of miscarriage? This is what I'm worried about.

[estrange.livejournal.com]

Well I think at least getting to the 2nd trimester is a good sign anyway. I'm sorry she said that there would still be a risk. I'm glad you are going in on Tuesday too.

With both of my miscarriages I didn't bleed at all. The first one the baby died around 7 weeks and I didn't find out until they couldn't hear the heartbeat around 11 weeks - she did an ultrasound and found it. I had to have a D&C. With the twin I didn't bleed either. She told me that I might bleed and miscarry the twin or my body might reabsorb it, which it did. So now when I deliver this baby they will have to get it out, which is sad :(

When I lost the twin she did tell me there was a chance if I started bleeding that losing the one could cause the other to miscarry as well. She didn't give me any percentages or anything though. It sounds like it's fairly common to lose one twin however and carry the other one so I hope that's what happens with yours.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I hope that's what happens with mine, too. I just don't know how many of the people who go on to have healthy singleton pregnancies have bleeding. I think most, like you, don't and everything is fine. I guess the midwives and I are extra worried because I /am/ having bleeding and spotting and all of that. It is just so scary and I want it to stop so I can have a healthy baby!

I am anxious to make it to Tuesday but also scared that there will be more bad news. I am so tired of bad news. I feel like everything that could go wrong has - first the subchorionic hematoma, now the lost twin and the big ovarian cyst. What is wrong with me? It is just such a mess.

[(Anonymous)]

All ofo my prayers are with you and your family, and I'm certain that love coming from anywhere simply stockpiles around you when you need it. I'll be praying for a strong amazing baby and a strong amazing you -even if I don't know you.

[mtgirl.livejournal.com]

I will also be praying that I am not such a comment-posting moron with typos. The anonymous comment above is from me, not a crazy stranger.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh, but you're a CUTE crazy stranger.

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

Love you too and praying my little heart out for you.

[hope-persists.livejournal.com]

i've not been commenting, but i've been thinking about you guys a lot. sending lots of white light out into the world.

[jeney.livejournal.com]

i'm glad you felt loved by your friends. i remember how much it meant to me to have even total strangers say kind things to me ten months ago. love is love and good no matter what.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It's amazing how touching it is. I mean, there are people I don't even know offering support, and dang, that's heavy.

[buckeyebrain.livejournal.com]

I saw the earlier thread and couldn't respond because wireless access at my jobsite is hit-or-miss with 95% miss...

I'm really sorry about what happened to the baby. You're both in my thoughts during this trying time.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh no - I'm so worried for you! I'm praying so hard that everything will be OK with the other bub. Please get lots and lots of rest and lay nice and still if you can! I couldn't be hoping for you harder that everything will be OK. *big hugs and smooches*

xxx Mermaidgrrrl

[auntiesiannan.livejournal.com]

*hug hug hug hug hug*

and

*doofey*

I must resume my witchdoctor chanting for the wellbeing of Frankendoofey!

[oddharmonic.livejournal.com]

"Frankendoofey" should be stitched onto a bib when its arrival is closer. Hmm, I should start thinking about a colorway for that...

If your witchdoctor chanting includes "ting tang walla walla bing bang," please count me in. I have the dance down!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Ooh eee ooh aah aah!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, how can anything go wrong with *doofey*? :)

[mermil.livejournal.com]

Oh Jude. You really are handling this admirably. And it's not unrealistic to be positive; it sounds like it's common sense. Hopefully, everyone's good wishes will give you strength, but I think you're already strong on your own! Keep on keepin' on, sister.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh, there is nothing admirable about this, let me tell you. It's called terror and I don't like living my life this way. I keep telling myself that one more day and I will relax... but I don't. I am getting a lot of love and strength from everyone but it is such a surreal and icky situation to just worry 24/7.

xo, mermilina!

[volumeat11.livejournal.com]

I'm just getting around now to reading...oh man...

Jude, we're so sorry. That's so poopy. All we can do is pray the baby Melis thinks is a girl will be OK...

...were you expecting a girl?! ;)

We love you guys. We'll pray.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

We'd love a girl. Or a boy. At this point we would just love a baby.

[kjames.livejournal.com]

i really really hope, for your sake, that you are NOT the unusual one right now, and can stick with the majority. :)
i will keep praying.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, Jude! Marc and I are thinking of you and sending the biggest heartfelt prayers and well-wishes! We want nothing more than for you two to have a healthy baby! Let us know if we can help you! We love you!

Marc and Sarah Aubry

[luloubelle.livejournal.com]

I have been praying. Seriously. My thoughts are with you both. I'm sending lots of positive thoughts your way. All this love is going to get you through it. *hugs*

[kcmedc.livejournal.com]

Jude I'm so sorry about your loss. I know what it feels like and I know how little typed words help but please know that both Chris and I hurt last night for both of you. Know that all of you are in our thoughts and spells. Know that candles are lit on behalf of your family from ours.

[artemis44.livejournal.com]

You are lucky to have such loving friends who obviously care a great deal about you and your young little family... I, too, hurt for you when I read the news, and I pray for you and your baby to have a safe and healthy nine months!

Enjoy the weekend, and rest, rest, rest!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It's true - I am very fortunate. The amount of support that has poured out to us has been immense. From our families to our friends, to internet strangers and friends of friends, everyone has been so kind and so supportive and so wonderful. All I can do is expect good things with that kind of love.

Thank you.

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

Please please please try talking to my friend bridgetminerva. Bridget is currently 7 months pregnant with twins using fertility drugs to get there. She has been through a lot of the same things you are experiencing, already has one child born with the help of fertility drugs, and is a very caring and helpful person. I know that you are probably getting way more advice and sympathy than you really want, but please consider talking to her to get the perspective of someone else who is in a very similar position and might be able to shed some light on your experiences from a couple months farther down the road.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Did she lose a twin? Because right now what I really want to hear are very positive stories from folks who have lost a multiple in utero and have continued on to have healthy pregnancies with the remaining fetus.

The idea that my body could be preparing to miscarry a totally healthy baby because we have a dead one in there too is the scary part. I mean, dealing with the loss of one is something we're working through but we are not ready to lose both.

Thanks for recommending your friend. Right now it's a little raw to talk to a woman with a successful twin pregnancy when we just lost one of our twins. But I will keep it in mind.

[wendywoowho.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

Jude, you're in my thoughts and prayers.

[skatured.livejournal.com]

Thinking of all of you...*hug*

[lizardjee.livejournal.com]

i linked here through hopes journal. i am so sorry for your loss.. we lost jaeci when she was 19days old due to a nicu nurse putting her to sleep on her belly... jaxen is our saving grace. i hope the rest of the pregnancy goes smoothly..

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I lurk in your journal (don't know if I ever commented) so I am aware of your story, and it is tragic. I remember pictures of Jaeci from just before and there really is no excuse or reason. My heart totally breaks for you but also I have fallen in love with your little boy. You and your family are an inspiration - I know you had a really difficult pregnancy and you fought through. I hope to have half the strength that you did.

Thank you.

[lizardjee.livejournal.com]

you will, for your other baby. please feel free to email me if you need to talk, plus i started a community lossofamultiple if you are interested. it is new but growing.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I did check out your community. I feel a little out of place there because you guys have birthed children and then lost them. Somehow I don't feel comparable in the amount of loss you must feel.

Thank you for inviting me. If we are successful with this baby I will reconsider, but right now I'm still so scared that we've lost both.

[lunamoonwmn01.livejournal.com]

I just read the last couple days posts...I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this and I am sorry for the loss of one of the babies. I'm glad Jen is taking good care of you, this must be hard on her too. I also had significant bleeding and it was from the subchorionic thing. It was very scary and I really took it easy for awhile, which was hard. I agree it's good you got ultrasound pics of both because I have actually heard stories of people always feeling loss or that they had a twin, and then finding out later on that they actually did but their mother never told them. Or sometimes people just didn't know either, if the twin was lost early.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I just hope it all works out. I am so scared. They don't know if my most recent significant bleed (and now I'm having MORE brown spotting than before) is from the SCH or from my body trying to miscarry the twin, so that worries me. I am so scared to lose this baby. I seriously don't know what I would do if that happened.

I go back to the midwife on Tuesday. I am both eager and terrified.

[lunamoonwmn01.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean about being scared to lose the baby and not knowing what you would do if that happened. I still have major fears about stillbirth/baby dying. All I can do is trust in my higher power and have faith. Obviously not everyone believes in a god or higher power, but I would say whatever source of energy you derive comfort/energy from, just focus on that. I'm sorry if that sounds dumb/cheesy but for me I have had to have a whole new level of trust and surrender in pregnancy that I have never had to have, and I hear it just gets more necessary once babies are outside the body...

xoxo

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

That is what we're trying to do as well; it's all we can do. I know that whatever happens is in God's hands, but right now I am not feeling too comforted by that. I guess I'm worried because we've had so many hard times, and sometimes I think that the Universe has it in for me. I hate feeling like that because I want to have some sort of peace over everything. I really do. It is just so hard.

I need this baby to hang in there.

[carina-s.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[volumeat11.livejournal.com]

Our criteria are as follows:

1. Healthy.
2. Happy.

Everything else is gravy.

[thatpatti.livejournal.com]

ok, i know i'm like WAY LATE in all this, but i've been meaning to say something since you originally posted. i just wanted to let you know that i'm really sorry about the loss of the second baby, but i'm saying lots of little prayers that this other guy hangs in there!