Rollercoaster

[judecorp]

So yesterday was such a good day. I had no spotting to speak of, and was a dynamo around the house. I tackled DAYS worth of dishes, received the box spring from the nice furniture people, and finally unpacked a bunch of my clothes into the dresser. I put a bunch of laundry away, found the sheets for the bed, etc. That evening, Jen and I went out for yummy dinner to kind of celebrate and then we had to run to the grocery store. I felt so good to be a normal person, walking around and puttering around the house. It was so nice.

This morning, I'm bleeding again. It's light, and I am trying not to stress about it. I mean, there's nothing I can do - either it's more of the hematoma draining or it's something worse, and I won't find out until something or nothing happens, you know? I go back for another ultrasound next week and I'll likely wait until then because really, what's the point? I can't keep running up to Greenfield all the time. Besides, two days ago we had a totally healthy baby and I know things can change in two days but I can't believe things would change that dramatically.

I'm trying to be very chill about all of this and just see what happens. Trying. It's mostly working - I didn't wake up Jen in the middle of the night, I went back to sleep - but of course I have that nervous feeling. Here's hoping it goes away.

I just want to be a normal, glowing pregnant lady or whatever.

Comments

[kcmedc.livejournal.com]

Hugs. Don't you wish you had a window so you could see what's happening in there? That's the hardest part at least for me, not being able to control things. Relax as much as you can. As I'm sure you already know the stress is not good for the baby. Take it easy today and try not to do much. Hey did you post your new address some where and I just missed it? Send it to me would ya? kcmedc@yahoo.com

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yes, I would really love a window! Or at least be able to feel movement so I could relieve myself on a semi-regular basis. Now I see why some women rush out to get those home dopplers. I tend to think they're not the greatest, but let me tell you, if someone I knew had one, I would ask to borrow it right now!

I wish my BODY knew that stress wasn't good for the baby - then it would stop bleeding. I mean, I am trying not to be stressed and I feel guilty enough for having stress, but how can you not stress when you have a slow, red leak?

p.s. Address sent.

[gala.livejournal.com]

One of the things we learned in child-birthing class was that after delivery lochia can fade from red to pink to brown and then go away, and then if you have a big day doing something (i.e. cleaning the house), it can start right back up again. Your spotting is probably because you jumped back in with both feet.

Pace yourself!!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, I did a lot of stuff but it wasn't hard work, you know? I mean, the only thing I did differently yesterday was get in the car to leave the house. I suppose it's possible that I overdid it and it is causing the leak (it is more than spotting, and it is red), and I will lay here all day if that will stop it. So far it's not, which is unlike any other bleeding episode I've had.

I just want it to go away.

[skatured.livejournal.com]

Chilling today sounds like the best plan possible. It's a good thing that Jen was all for the at sonogram next week - it's something to focus on, and remember that there is nothing you can do until then except catch up on your reading and get really good at wrapping presents in bed.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yes, the plan is definitely to chill. So far, it is not stopping the bleeding, which concerns me... though I am trying not to worry much unless I get cramps.

I don't have any presents to wrap because I haven't been able to go shopping. Before yesterday, I hadn't left the house for anything other than a doctor visit since a week ago Wednesday. I wish I was kidding. I was planning to make a mall trip on Saturday and also drive down to RI to visit my grandparents on Sunday. And Jen's work holiday party is tonight (which I am supposed to attend) and we have company coming tomorrow night.

I wish I knew what to do. I can't just be captive to the couch for the next 6.5 months, you know? Augh.

[rebasayre.livejournal.com]

i know, that long period on the couch would suck!

i was on the couch/bed from 11 weeks on with charlie. yeah, forever!!! they sent me home telling me i'd miscarry -- on christmas eve no less. but, charlie was worth the wait once he arrived in july.

i watched lots of movies, begged for lots of visitors, did whatever crafty thing i could, updated address books, recipe books, did lots of budget reworking, and started learning about livejournal! :) if it gets to this point with you, i promise you it will be worth it, and this is coming from me, who you know can't sit still for long! xoxoxo

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Why did they think you were going to miscarry? 11 weeks is a long time. Sometimes I think they tell people bad news so they won't sue. I mean, sheesh, I think they should give people some hope!

[jeney.livejournal.com]

so scary. i'm sorry, jude. i can't wait for this to be over so you can just relax and enjoy being pregnant.

also, i'd like to relax a little, too. :D

praying for you and your family.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You and me both, Jeney. I had been feeling so /awesome/, like, "Okay, this is it, we're going to have a baby and it is going to be okay." And now I'm having a different kind of weird bleeding. If it had even been the same kind of bleeding I'd had before I could at least say, "Oh, this is like the last two times," but it's not.

Argh. I hate this.

[jeney.livejournal.com]

how is it different? (i hope you don't mind me asking. you don't have to answer!)

[jeney.livejournal.com]

never mind. i read your other replies.

i know you can't stop thinking about it - how can you? i won't expect you to not worry.

just know you have people all over the place that are thinking of your family and praying for your family.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that is what is keeping me going. And I just can't believe that something terrible has happened. I just can't.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, the other times I had red blood (TMI alert!), it came out of nowhere in a gush. Like, I would wake up, stand up, gush, go back to bed. Then either there would be nothing or a couple of hours later I would have another gush, then nothing.

This time, I had the initial gush at about 4:30am, but I have had light bleeding since then. No gushes, drips. But they haven't stopped, and I've been laying down ever since. I've never had drips before - let alone for about 7 hours. Usually after I had the gush, I would have a break and then have brown spotting. Now I haven't had the break yet.

[jeney.livejournal.com]

if memory serves, you should watch out for clots & cramps.

not that you asked. or need my advice. but if i were to impose my will on you, i'd force you to go in to the dr - just for your own peace of mind.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yes, I am watching out for clots and cramps.

The thing is, the midwife isn't going to be able to do anything for me. I don't want another ultrasound because I had one two days ago, and all they can say is "Wait and See," which is what I'm doing at home, you know?

I mean, I can call them if I get some clots of cramps, but even then, if something is going to happen, it's going to happen even if I run up there.

[jeney.livejournal.com]

yeah. you're right. i just hate the waiting. i know it's so much worse for you and Jen.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Just keep praying for no clots and cramps - that's what I'm doing!

Also trying to decide if I am still going to Jen's work holiday thing.

[jeney.livejournal.com]

will it make you feel better to get out of the house and be around people?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

That's what I'm trying to decide. If it was with people I knew, it would be a no-brainer. But I've never met ANY of Jen's coworkers (she just got this job before we moved) and I feel like all they know of me is that I'm having this difficult pregnancy and Jen is always missing work.

I worry about being up and around, but I also worry about laying here by myself while Jen is out, and not having dinner. (The holiday thing is at a restaurant I like.)

[mtgirl.livejournal.com]

I can't remember when it happens during pregnancy, but there is even some perfectly normal spotting that can happen as your uterus expands to fit that growing baby. After you have a baby it's hard to remember that you come first, because healthy mom = healthy baby, so whenever I was worried when I was pregnant I totally tried to remember to just focus on myself - pampering myself, being kind to myself...It's a good habbit to get into now before the baby comes. Plus, it alleviates stress and makes you happier, which again = happier, healthier baby. So, it's OK to make it all about you!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, All About Me would be fine if it wasn't All About Worrying About Miscarriage. Which is what we have going on now.

This isn't spotting. It's red blood, it's just not heavy. That's never happened to me before. In all of my other bleeding episodes, I've had a couple of gushes of blood and then brown spotting. This is like a slow, red, leak.

[cappucinogrrl.livejournal.com]

Hang in there Jude. xo.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Working on it. :)