A very baby day

[judecorp]

Jen and I went to a baby shower today for our friend Melissa. (What, no LJ? For shame!) I have only ever been to one baby shower before and it wasn't much more than a small house gathering, so this was I think more of a traditional shower. Thankfully, though, it was set up by cool people and there were not a lot of goofy games that involve toilet paper or anything like that. Like usual, though, Jen and I were the only couple there because it was girls only. That's always kind of odd.

There were a number of women who were pregnant there (aside from the showeree) and they all had these big round bellies. I just assumed they were all way more pregnant with me (hey, I'm rockin' that little gut) but then I found out that Ami is just a week ahead of us. WTF? Add to that the number of people who "complimented" me with, "Wow, you don't look pregnant /at all/!" and I just don't know what to do. In a couple of days I will be "half cooked" and you still can't even tell I'm pregnant; there has got to be something wrong with that. I was all jazzed to eyeball baby products and stuff and instead I spent the afternoon worrying that for whatever reason my body isn't growing my baby properly. I'm still measuring the same 2-3 days behind on dates (which has never changed) so obviously the kid has grown but what the heck is going on? Stressful.

Anyway, so the plan was to go to IKEA in Stoughton after the shower because it was in Attleboro (and hey, when you've already driven 2 hours what's 20 minutes more?) to check out the baby furniture. I was actually nervous the whole time instead of all excited like I wanted because I'm not gaining any weight or growing or anything. But whatever, we ended up buying furniture anyway: crib, chest of drawers/changing table, matching toy box, wall shelf, and crib mattress. At some point we are debating buying a matching bookcase but I think we have some time before we would need to go there.

All of the bedding sets I like cost approximately a bazillion dollars, and I don't know what to do. I just plain don't like most of what is out there. I don't want animals, or vehicles, or cartoon characters, or alphabet letters... I want loud, mod, geometric patterns and what I am learning is that they are all $$$$$$.

Sheesh!

Comments

[ladyoracle.livejournal.com]

I'd say you're lucky not to be showing now. Some women don't look pregnant until month 8, while others start getting the stomach dome by month 3. I say lucky because that's less time to spend in ultra maternity clothes and post-birth weightloss will be easier the less you gain.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It's hard to feel lucky about stuff like that because of how hard it has been to get pregnant and make it through early pregnancy. Now that it seems like a lot of the scary stuff is over, it's really important to me to LOOK pregnant - even a little - because it somehow signifies externally that this is really working. I can't really explain it, because it's not something simple like a vanity thing or an attention thing or something that has a nice cause that can be reassured... it's just been a really difficult process and pregnancy, much harder than I'd ever imagined, and if one little thing would give me a little peace of mind then dang it, I think I'm entitled to it after everything else.

[keelamonster.livejournal.com]

a) as a doctor do NOT worry about not having a belly right now. 5 months is when most people show, and girls tend to carry lower, according to everyone I know. I didn't really start to show like a pregnant woman until about 5 and a half months, even though none of my pants fit. I did get visited by the titty fairy (as my less tasteful friends put it) pretty early, though. So I lost 8 pounds the first 3 and a half months but had awesome boobs. It was the best I'd ever looked. Other than being constantly green and throwing up. Very sexy.

2) as to the cost of stuff, REGISTER, dammit. People want to give you stuff, they DO. Whether you like it or not. So go and register and let people buy you stuff. Don't go wasting your money on stuff that people might get for you. And also, talk to your friends who have recently had kids about what they actually USED off their registry, versus what they THOUGHT they would use before you open anything. I did that, and my friend Dawn was so right: I never used about a third of the stuff I got, even though I had every intention to.

Even some of the stuff I didn't listen to her about that I kept and opened anyway, I didn't use. Sincerely.

But, the point of this whole thing? REGISTER. Now. Go. Then let us all know where you're registered. And if you already registered and I'm stupid and missed it, then post it again and make it a link on your LJ so people like me who miss a week of LJ can go and buy you something you want instead of something I think you'll want. Hee.

[indigodove.livejournal.com]

I agree -- please register :-)

Thinking good thoughts for you, and keeping up the prayers.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

We're working on it, but it takes time!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

We have been working on the registry. It is a slow process but we are doing it. Sheesh! This is still way too early to have a registry up anyway.

There are certain things we planned to buy when we bought the house - home decorating was part of it. These are things we don't necessarily want people to buy, because we're decorating our first home. Besides, if people (family, friends) start buying things like our furniture then we'll be screwed when the kid actually comes and we don't have things like car seats. Since we saved some house money for furniture and paint and stuff, it makes sense to use it.

We've never had a house before. We've never had the opportunity to choose wall colors and have never stayed anywhere long enough to really justify buying cute curtains or picking out our own window blinds. We've never really bought any furniture together until we bought this house - everything really was mine, hers, or second-hand (or a combination thereof). Heck, we even have one of thatpatti's beds! When I was talking about $$$$$, I was more talking about my frustration that I always like the things that are most expensive. I mean, one of the patterns/bed sets I /really/ liked was like $600+ for a 4piece set. That is INSANE! I would never, ever, ever buy that but OMG I didn't even know things could cost that much. It's crazy.

We're also running into problems of wanting a lot of hand-made or small-shop stuff on the internet that isn't very conducive to registering. So we're expecting to buy most of that stuff out of pocket so that interested friends can do the BRU or Target route without chasing all over the internet for whatever hippie product I'm into at the time.

I know you're a doctor and all and you know a lot of stuff, but why is EVERYONE bigger than me? I'm seriously starting to get paranoid that I'm not eating enough (even though I eat a LOT) or that I'm somehow starving my baby. It's creepy.

[lunamoonwmn01.livejournal.com]

I really like www.thethingsiwant.com, that's what we are using (besides Target) for all our hippie granola shit.

I also started "showing" really early. Ahh, the grass is always greener. :o( For someone in recovery from an eating disorder, hearing "You're huge" and "There must be twins in there!" like a bazillion times SUCKED. However, I can understand how you must feel. All I can tell you is what you already know - that there is a *wide* range of normal and also one of these days, you are going to wake up and suddenly be really, REALLY pregnant! ;o)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Gosh I hope you're right. I want SOMEBODY to say, "You're pregnant!" someday. That would be awesome. :)

[keelamonster.livejournal.com]

Couple of things: if you're finding things all over th eplace that you can't register for at every site: let me introduce you to Baggle!. You can basically go to baggle, start a bag and then add stuff from ANY website. Not just places with registries and stuff. Seriously, my friend annie and I love it because if you have a wish list on Tiffany's website, only you can see it. How stupid is that? I mean how can Noah buy me $15,000 earrings if he doesn't know I want them? Hahahaha. The very idea is funny.

Anyway, go to baggle and add all the stuff you can't get onto your target registry. Go to target one afternoon and get the gun and shoot everything. I mean, everything, even the $2 stuff you think is silly to put on a registry. I was due in December and i got my carseat and stroller in October and November. Actually I got two carseats. If something had happened and you went into labor before you got your seat, one of two things would have happened: a) Jen would have gone out and bought one before you guys left the hospital or 2) the hospital would provide one for you. it happens more than you think.

As to the "why is everyone bigger than me?" Never underestimate the tendency for the pregnant woman to get fat. I know that sounds awful, but I had one friend who gained a TREMENDOUS amount of weight early in her pregnancy and was in maternity clothes by month three. It wasn't because she was showing, it was because she wanted everyone to know that she was pregnant, so she ate like crazy and started wearing maternity clothes early so everyone would know she was pregnant. it was out of control. Also, keep in mind that different women and different babies carry differently. Duh. I have a patient who's not due until May but looks like she's due any minute. She hasnt' gained a lot of weight, but her uterus just popped right out one day and she looks ready to go any minute. But if you lie her down and measure her belly, it's right where it's supposed to be; it just tips forward more so everyone can see it, I guess.

So, here's the thing: when you go to your doctors office, they measure you, right? From pubic bone to the top of your uterus. If they haven't been, they'll start. Usually after 24 weeks or so they'll measure your belly every visit and tell you if the baby's growing as she should. Just because your bell isn't sticking out doesn't mean it's growing. it just means that you don't look as pregnant as other women. And if you were growing too slowly, they'd order another ultrasound to document fetal growth.

Pregnant women are awful about comparing their experiences and assuming that everyone else is perfect or right or doing something we're doing wrong. It's simply not true. Your baby is growing fine and if she hadn't been, they'd have told you at the ultrasound appointment. So stop worrying and love it a little! I'm not going to tell you to be happy that your belly isn't pooching out more, but do just love that you're pregnant. because,honestly, that's really all you can do.

And don't worry about the crying jags. Your hormones are on a tear, you got into a car wreck, you moved recently and you have job woes. if anyone has a reason to have an occasional crying breakdown, it's you.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I have never heard of this thing called Baggle. I shall have to look into it, and buy you some $15,000 earrings.

I have never been measured at the doctor's office. The midwife usually pokes around and says my uterus is where it should be. Well, that's what she did last time. It was the first time she did anything. Maybe they'll start with the measurements next time. *shrug*

It's just frustrating because *I* think I look pregnant but everyone just likes to tell me how I don't look pregnant. So I wonder if they just all think I have ALWAYS had a huge belly... argh!

[meglett.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry for the "you don't look pregnant!" comment since it is so loaded....that sucks. a lot.

and now for a story aimed to make you feel okay--so a woman in the old buddy group on the old FF had the same due date as hope. when they (hope and FF person) were about 18-19 weeks, we were in CA and got to meet her. hope had the preggo belly by then, but FF buddy? you would have /never/ guessed. we have a pic of the 3 of us, and if you only knew that 2 of the women in the pic were pregnant, i'd guess most folks would guess i was the other preggo one, cause FF buddy is skinny and i'm not so skinny.

FF buddy either didn't do or didn't share belly pics as the pregnancy went on, so i'm not sure when she did pop. i just wanted to share.....and either hope or i will email you the pic i mentioned, so you can see the difference between them. you're just on the FF buddy side of the difference.

and as for bedding--my advice is to try not to spend $$$$$$, because there are so many other things to spend that on. i got a great deal on ebay on our pottery barn stuff, but honestly, i still almost wish i wouldn't have bought it. i love it, but it basically hasn't been used. the bumper is on for now, and she has figured out to squish it down, but has not yet learned how to use it to propel herself out of the crib. when we get there, though, the bumper is gone. the quilt pretty much hangs on the back of the bed. by the time she was old enough to use blankets, we were using more 'baby-friendly' ones, meaning soft and cuddly. or big enough for swaddling. the dust ruffle is still on the crib, but since we had to lower the mattress a loooooooong time ago (she was 5? months old) the dust ruffle is pretty much bunched up on the floor. a couple sheets came with it, and in the spring/summer they got used some, but we've had jersey ones on for the winter. so my advice is to find fabric you like, and then find someone who can sew you the bedding you want. i don't want to volunteer hope, but she could be an option.......

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I mean, I know it's not up to the rest of the world to know my pregnancy insecurities but I guess I tend to feel like it's safer just to never really comment on someone's body at all, even if you think your comment is nice. You never know how someone is going to take a body comment. (I've really learned my lesson on this one with a friend I thought I was complimenting.) But having the world assume I'm like 10 weeks pregnant is starting to get really old - I mean, TRUST ME, these past 19w have taken a LONG time.

The person you're talking about, was that Target Girl? Because I think I remember those pictures, although I don't remember them well enough to remember the belly on the girl I didn't know. (You know, I was looking at you guys.) p.s. You are pretty skinny. :)

I know that all of the $$$$ you spend on a nursery doesn't really work out practically for the baby - it's all about the parents. And this is our first house and our first chance to paint and decorate and stuff and it's really much more about us. I admit that. I don't really plan for my kid to even sleep in a crib for a while (hence IKEA and not any other store, although I really dig the chest of drawers) or even be in that room but I like turning bits of this house into OUR house instead of the previous owners', and since we have to strip their ghastly wallpaper in there anyway (oh my god it is hideous) I might as well make a room we dig looking at. So I don't know. We looked at much cheaper options (not even whole bed sets, just quilts or sheets) and they just didn't do it for me as much.

I don't know. Usually I'm not really consumer-driven at all but the one place in this house we haven't skimped is our bedroom, and guess which room is the nicest?

[stapynam.livejournal.com]

ug, sorry your fun day of shopping was overshadowed by worry and dumb comments and expensive shapes:(

the woman who was much bigger than you but only a week ahead, was it her first?

no one could tell i was pg at 20 weeks, but that was lucky for me, being in high school and all! i think i was 23 weeks before i started getting the sideways eyes as people started wondering.

have you been listening to the hb or feeling movement?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's totally her first baby, which is why it was so shocking. I mean, when I see people's belly photos online, I always just tell myself they've had other pregnancies (even if I think they haven't) but I .know. this girl. I know she hasn't been pregnant before. And she was probably a /little/ thinner than me to start so we were kind of on even ground, you know? But she just looked so GOOD - big and round and smiley.

We try not to listen to the hb all that often (once a week or less). Movement is starting, but it's at that "is that the baby or the pizza I ate?" stage.

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

I understand how it feels to stress about every freaking thing when you're pregnant. Trust me. I'm not going to tell you not to worry because I know better.

Seriously, all pregnancies are different and you shouldn't freak if your doctors are telling you everything is ok. Try to remind yourself of this and I'll do the same as I freak about Emma's delivery, OK??

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You know, I think things would be different if maybe I could have one visit where the midwife says, "Everything's totally great, go home." I mean, it's awesome to have gone 5 weeks with no bleeding, and it's awesome to still know the heart is beating... but then there have to be the "inconclusive pictures of heart and spine" or whatever to put a damper on things.

I guess my biggest thing (and I'm not sure if you can relate because I don't know what your future plans are, but I bet you will get it) is that this is my only chance to have a baby. I won't be doing the pregnancy again and now that I'm far enough along to really have something bad totally devastate me, I can't imagine that I would try again with the shots and the ultrasounds and the bloodtests and the drama. So I have a lot of pressure on myself to get this ONE shot, and I would like something positive, you know? Even someone saying, "Wow, you look so cute and pregnant," or something goes a long way.

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

Oh, I completely understand how you feel. If something were to happen to Emma I don't think I could go through with another transfer and the doubts that go with the early stages of pregnancy.
After our M/C in April I wasn't even sure I could try again.
You are in my prayers each night and I know we will both be so relieved when our babies arrive. We'll finally be able to breathe ... and then Frankie and Emma will meet and go to a few baseball games together up in the NE when we come visit. :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Soon! You are going to have a baby soon! And she is going to be perfect. :)

xo

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I guess for me this is less about the actual baby (sorry, baby) and more about it being our first house and our first chance to decorate and stuff... and most of our stuff is second-hand or ultra-cheap or eight billion years old (which I am totally cool with) except our bedroom. Because it's the only room we've really redone. And guess which one is my favorite?

So yeah, I think some of the cutesy things are cute, but they're not ME. Cute is okay for onesies and toys and all of that, but if I'm decorating a room my kid won't even be really sleeping in for many months, I want to be able to look at it and go, "Cool."

BABY!

[therewaslight.livejournal.com]

Erin is a week behind you. She looks EXACTLY the same. Which was kinda funny because it was very noticable today because it gapped her shirt and pants. So, um, start showing midriff or something. That'll prove you're pregnant :)

Re: BABY!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Honestly, then I would just look like a guest on Jerry Springer. No, really. :)

Re: BABY!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'm just tired of people telling me I don't look pregnant. Someone else said it again today - she didn't believe me as if I was lying. Okay, what's up people - do I really look like I could be that fat??!?!

:)

[jespere.livejournal.com]

Hi, Heidi (marshmelococoa) linked me here, because this weekend I posted about the same thing as you did here. I'm 21w and a bit right now, and tiny compared to the average belly. With the exception that the little bit of belly I do have just looks like fat or bloat through my clothes.
I just wanted to commiserate with you, and say: you're not the only one!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Hooray! It's nice to not be alone! :)

Thanks for writing.

[estrange.livejournal.com]

You should look online for crib sheet sets. I'm a big online bargain shopper. I got all Devin's bedding and nursery stuff online or on eBay. Babycenterstore.com is having a sale right now but they aren't always the best for prices - I do recommend them for reviews and babiesrus.com.

There's this great crib sheet I recommend, it's the
Gingham QuickZip Safety Crib Sheet Set and the top sheet zips off which makes it easier for cleaning. I used one for Devin and am using the same one for Maia. It's really nice when they baby throws up all over the placce and you need to change the sheets quickly. Plus they are pretty neutral color/pattern wise. You can buy one set and then buy additional top sheets - I need to go buy an extra one.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I have looked all over the internet for these sheets that I want. I can find them at all different places (even eBay) but they are always pricey. I could find something cheaper but I just don't like anything else as much. So frustrating!

I will have to look into this QuickZip sheet. Thanks!

[estrange.livejournal.com]

Oh forgot to mention, I agree with your friends above, register for stuff or you will get 3492480398592304832 tons of 0-3 month baby clothes. Of course even if you do register you still get 349238049032840 tons of 0-3 month baby clothes - I swear it's the only thing anyone knows how to buy! That and blankets - you will end up with so many blankets, bought & hand-made, you will have no idea what to do with them.

My mother-in-law asked what we needed for Maia. I specifically told her I need gift cards, diapers, wipes, and formula. I told her that I do not need any clothes. She later asks me again if I need any clothes for Maia, I say no I again tell her I need gift cards, diapers, wipes, and formula. I figured since she's my mother-in-law of all people she would understand and not buy a bunch of clothes and baby crap I don't need. So we bring Maia home from the hospital and find a huge bag of what? BABY CLOTHES and BLANKETS!?!?! I ended up returning 90% of it!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah - we are starting some registries and hopefully we will get stuff on it. I doubt we're having a shower, though, so I don't anticipate getting inundated with 0-3 month clothes. The shower I went to last weekend was FULL of clothes! Ugh!

[estrange.livejournal.com]

Me again, bothering you. If you need any recommendations on stuff for baby, just let me know. Here's some deals & stuff. If you don't want to know, just ignore me!

I don't know if you are planning to cloth diaper or not but Amazon has a special right now on diapers. You can buy $99 worth of Pampers and get $25 off plus free shipping. (Enter code PAMPERS2 at checkout. Offer expires February 28, 2007.). Diaper wise I recommend Pampers because Huggies leaked for us but some like Huggies over Pampers.

If you are looking for a good travel/umbrella stroller, I recommend the Chicco Caddy.

Going away now...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the tip on the Amazon diapers, but we are planning to cloth diaper. We /might/ use disposables until the umbilical stump falls off, not sure on that yet.

Thanks for the tip on the umbrella stroller. That one looks really nice and light (and not cutesy).

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel any better just think of all those Lifetime movies about the teenage girls who didn't even know they were pregnant until they went to the ER with appendicitis. They never showed! Ok, that probably doesn't make you feel better, but I don't know nuthin about birthin' no babies.

On another note, you have a lot of creative friends. I bet that if you described what you were looking for in baby things, colors and styles, maybe linked to a few pictures of things you liked, then just maybe you could get truckloads of hand made things. All custom made just for you! It would be like my dishes, but on grander and way more cohesive scale.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I am such a Lifetime movie. I wonder who would play me? Kellie Martin probably. I don't know.

I really wouldn't even begin to want to inconvenience folks to make me baby bedding. I mean, it sounds like a really awesome idea and very creative but I would feel so ridiculously guilty.

I am starting to think that we should just scrap the whole nursery idea and put the kid in a shoebox or a dresser drawer.

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

Nah, I think they'd want someone quirkier to play you in a Lifetime Movie... Danica McKellar, maybe...

And as for people making you stuff, you don't have to ask. Let people volunteer! There are enough people on your friends list that you could be decked out in no time flat. Or instead of a formal registry for overpriced stuff, put up a list of things and an idea of what you want it to look like and let people go to town. Because really, $50 for a baby blanket is too much when one can be made in 2 hours for $15, but will mean more because it's sewn with loooove. Awwwh.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well you know how much I like "sewn with loooove." I mean, handmade stuff is my favorite stuff of all time.

In a perfect world I would be able to find bedding in bright primary colors instead of pastel everything. Then I could fill the walls with Blue Dog pictures (because I am a little Blue Dog obsessed) and just be done with it.

But I have only ever found ONE set of bedding in primary colors at all that was not full of trucks or cars, and it was at IKEA and way too busy to then add Blue Dog.

If you knew someone (wink wink) who wanted to make some sort of really awesome and mod baby quilt with primary colors, I'm sure I could totally just buy plain-colored sheets. And lots of pictures of BLUE DOG. But I would never assume someone would want to do that crap for me. It's my kid, not theirs, you know? As TLC says in its Life Lessons, "Not everyone wants to see your ultrasound pictures."

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

I'll see what I can do. But understand that some people just like making stuff whether it's wanted or not. Some people like to make stuff, but make so much stuff they sure as hell don't want it for themselves and find excuses to make things for other people. I'm sure there's more than one person like that on your friends list. ;P *cough cough* We'll have to start a new post since people prolly stopped reading this thread last week. Are you wanting primary colors instead of the brown and aqua you showed me last week?

And I agree, all that pastel stuff sucks the big wazoo.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I will post something.

The set I showed you last week is our favorite of everything we've been able to find pre-made. Otherwise we want bold, bright colors. Does that make sense?

I will make a new post and see what happens.