The road to hell is paved with... you know.

[judecorp]

We haven't even gone to VISIT her yet and Jen's mom has already made me cry.

She called this morning to talk about whatever, and Jen was out shoveling (because she is awesome and she has shoveled everything herself even though we got a freaking foot of snow at least). I banged on the window and got Jen back in, and juuuuust as I was about to pass the phone over, we had the following exchange:

MIL: [asking me questions about whether my belly button has popped out, whether I have a belly, etc.]
Me: No, I still have a belly button. But I wouldn't mind either way!
MIL: Of course not, because you'll have a baby.
Me: That's right.
MIL: It's a really good thing you're not having two. One is a lot easier to manage.
Me: [throws the phone to Jen and has to hide under the covers]

Who the hell SAYS shit like that?!?!? I mean, really. And this isn't some random dumbass stranger, you know? This woman is talking about her GRANDCHILDREN.

Comments

[ladygreyy.livejournal.com]

What the fuck?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It's not the first time, though the first time with someone who is a good friend or family member. I don't remember who it was, but some acquaintance asshat said to me way back that I must be relieved that we lost a twin because of financial reasons.

And while I am sure that whatever crap is said is intended to be "nice," I can NOT imagine how a /family/ member can say something like that and not just be sad like we are.

Of course, I firmly believe she is relieved we are not having twins because when we were expecting twins, our babymaking days were over. (And she wants Jen to have a baby.)

[ladygreyy.livejournal.com]

Regardless, that is just heartless. I don't understand how anyone could say that and not think the intended would not get upset by it.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can't either. Then again, you know I don't understand people.

[mnsnstar.livejournal.com]

Geez! How insensitive!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Ugh.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You know, I really try to like everyone, especially family. And I do like them... but crap like this comes out of her mouth all the time and it drives me bananas! (Not just to me, to everyone.) And then when people get upset, she's like, "What? What did I say?"

Buh?

[iansha.livejournal.com]

My first thought was... My step-monster would say something like that... and you know what... I totally believe it.

Shame on her. Especially knowing how full up with hyper-super-emotional pregnancy hormones you are now!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

My grandmother has been known to come up with some inappropriate doozies in her day. (She's that grandmother who likes to bust out with things like, "Boy, you're sure gaining weight!" She also told me when I was about 12 that I should wear a girdle.) But even SHE wouldn't go there. I don't think. She hasn't, anyway.

[amyura.livejournal.com]

That's horrible. I'm so sorry. Some people just don't get it.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

For real. Jen says it's because she's never lost a child. I think it's because there is something missing between her brain and her mouth sometimes.

[evewasframed.livejournal.com]

That is horrendous!

I told one of my client's at work that I was pregnant and she said "Why would you go and do that?"

Um, screw you! People are jerks sometimes.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Some people... I just don't get it. WTF is up with people?

I especially like when people say something mean and say they're being funny. No, you're being mean, and just laughing at the end doesn't make it okay.

But this wasn't funny OR mean, just totally thoughtless. Ugh.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I know, right? Argh.

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

That is a horrible thing to say to someone who has experienced an early pregnancy loss. Sheesh..

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I /want/ to come up with all kinds of excuses for why she said it, or why she wasn't thinking, or whatever, but it doesn't even matter. Because I felt so freaking awful about it, even if she had the best intentions ever.

I miss my baby. :(

[ntiva.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. That is an awful thing for you to have to hear.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It was like a kick in the ribs. I was so shocked.

[lizardjee.livejournal.com]

that is horrible. but people are going to say things like that. people are STILL saying stuff like that to us.. i want to strangle them. no it is not easier to have our son with us and our daughter in a cemetery..

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

God, that is awful. What is wrong with people? Ugh. I would never say anything like that to anyone!

[lizardjee.livejournal.com]

i think they dont know what to say so they just say stupid things. i thought that i heard some heartless stuff after we lost julia, but after jaeci died, i just stood and stared at some people with my mouth open, speechless and stunned with the stupidity that came out of their mouths.
family too.
you just have to let it go past you and try not to listen to it. its hard, but some people have no tact.
**hugs**

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know you just have to go on, and I need to be better about that. I just get so stuck on it because I can't imagine not checking crap like that before it comes out of my mouth!

Argh!

[lizardjee.livejournal.com]

i think that some (a lot?) of people are born without that part of their brain. :(

[mermil.livejournal.com]

oh. oh dear oh dear. At best, that was a profoundly tactless thing to say. At worst...I don't know. I'm speechless, a little.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

She called Jen this morning to apologize. That's something, at least.

[lunamoonwmn01.livejournal.com]

hugs mama. That is so hurtful, I can't even imagine people THINKING that let alone SAYING that. I hope Jen ripped your MIL a new one or at least clued her in.

I'm just glad you don't seem to be telling yourself that you should "just get over" your loss because you still have a baby. It's a loss. It was your little one's twin. I can't imagine how difficult and painful that would be, especially given people's stupid comments.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine thinking it, either. I guess everyone is different, and I think some people talk before thinking also. Jen's mom called Jen earlier this morning and said she wanted to apologize, that she couldn't believe she had said something so inappropriate. Considering I have never heard Jen's mom apologize for anything, let alone unprovoked (Jen hadn't had a chance to talk with her about it), I guess I'll see what happens.

[lunamoonwmn01.livejournal.com]

Wow. Well, people *do* make mistakes and I'm glad she realizes she made a big one.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I was pretty impressed, and it makes going to visit a little easier. She asked Jen if she should call my cell phone and apologize to me personally (I was sitting in another part of the terminal in a chair), and Jen thankfully had the foresight to say no. But still, it meant a lot.

Usually when Jen's mom says something insensitive, it somehow becomes how the victim is too sensitive (my grandmother is like this too to a degree). I am touched that she felt bad.

[buckeyebrain.livejournal.com]

Man, I thought my ill-timed use of the "stereotypical Lifetime movie joke" was horrid. I'm glad the MIL apologized, though. Hope things are going well.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Dude, your comment was nothing. For real. It's fine. :)

xo