Nice things are nice

[judecorp]

I just wanted to thank everyone who said nice things earlier, or who offered their concern and/or party-hosting services at any point in the last week and a half. It's very sweet.

It's not about the party, though. I honestly couldn't care less if we had a party or not. As far as I'm concerned, the only people I /really/ want to be psyched about our baby are Jen and me. (Although it's fun when you guys are, too, because I get psyched about your babies!) But I do care about losing friends, or finding out people aren't my friends, or whatever you want to call it. It's a tough lesson of suck. I was never very good at that part, because I never really let go of friends.

That isn't to say we DON'T have friends, and I learned last night that having a party is actually much more important to Jen than it ever was to me, something I just didn't realize before. Which is my bad.

So I don't know what's going on with this party business, and I don't know 100% how I feel about salvation party offers, but I do appreciate the concern from those of you who are concerned.

I'd just really like some sort of resolution, not for the party business, but for the friend business. It probably won't be any kind of GOOD resolution (although I can certainly hope) but having dead air for so long has really gotten to me.

Comments

[calledmara.livejournal.com]

I will throw you a party with all my dirty friends. We will give you and your baby scabies. FUN!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh man, that sounds SO tempting. But I already had scabies once. I BEAT YOU!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I know that there are many many lovely people out there and our baby will have tons of virtual aunties and uncles! What fun!

It's just another day... they go up and down. Hopefully they will stay up for a while. :)

[aminahfiddler.livejournal.com]

I get the shower thing... People have been asking me about my wedding shower. I really don't want one but......

I also get the friend thing. About 5 years ago I had to stop being friends with someone I had know for 20 years it was hard. Very hard but she was just not being a friend back and I finally had to realize how much she was draining from me.

Good luck!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

If someone wants to throw you a wedding shower, it could be fun. I didn't have a wedding shower so I'm no help, but I've been to a couple and they were good times. :)

I have a really hard time letting go of friends. It's awful, really, because sometimes I keep trying to cultivate friendships with people who are really bad for me. Maybe that's the lesson I need to take away from all of this.

[aminahfiddler.livejournal.com]

That's a hard lesson to learn. I'm trying to learn it now too. I have started to put friends into 2 classes. Friends I'm friendly with that I enjoy their company and friends that I'd call if I needed something NOW or help NOW. Sadly I have a few in the second group. But at least I know when I need them they are there.

I'm also learning that true friends don't take energy the give. So if I'm around them and I'm tired I can just be and it's ok. But folks I'm friendly with, well the suck the life out of me. They take energy to be around. They can be loads of fun but, they take energy and when I'm tired I just don't want to be around them.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You raise a very good point. I should remember this about friends and energy.

Can't speak for the rest of them. . .

[shadist.livejournal.com]

You still have people who send ya love from Cbus and who think the city was lessoned the day you left.

*hugs*

Re: Can't speak for the rest of them. . .

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Awwh thanks. I miss Columbus people quite a bit, you know.

Re: Can't speak for the rest of them. . .

[shadist.livejournal.com]

Perhaps we should all just move out there and worship you as the godess you are?

Cult of the smurf perhaps.

Re: Can't speak for the rest of them. . .

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Sounds fun!

[estrange.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. That was really a crappy thing of your friend to do. If we lived closer I'd of course have a party for you. *HUGS*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I would throw you a party, too! I love to throw parties and organize parties. I am a big dork like that! Let's have a Survivor party. :)

Mean people suck.

[gala.livejournal.com]

Wow I'm sorry you had to go through that. People really ought to think before they offer things like that - and if they can't deliver, they should work out a way to make it so you never have to know their problems. Recruit someone to cover for them, or something. Blah. It also sounds like this person/people need a serious lesson in tact when dealing with a pregnant/hormonal woman. Honestly.

Losing friends is hard. Even though it gets easier for me each time I'm forced to do it, it still stings - like I'm the one being the bad guy. That being said, it is nice to not have the mean people around to drag you down.

Take care of yourself and Jen and your little bundle. That's what's important. :)

Re: Mean people suck.

[gala.livejournal.com]

Hmm. LJ doesn't like my fake html. Add a /judgement to the end of that first paragraph, would ya, please?

Thanks. :)

Re: Mean people suck.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I tend to agree. I mean, I can understand getting in over your head, and I feel bad for one of my friends quite a bit because she was doing this as part of a group and then the group bailed on her. And that's hardly fair. But I really don't know how anyone can extend an offer for something like that and just back out without even telling anyone. I just can't imagine doing that - I would find a way to suck it up or at least communicate about it.

But yeah, you just don't mess with the hormones of doom. It's just a bad idea.

I agree about being the bad guy. I always feel bad when I think about not being friends with someone, even if they are obviously not my friend. I DO feel like the bad guy. I wonder why that is.

Mean ppl really suck

[bec4joy.livejournal.com]

Hey Jude,

I just wanted to let you know I totally understand what you mean about you have many "friends" just not Good friends so to speak. I have many ppl I call friends.. But, none that I concider really GOOD friends of sorts. I found out quickly who my friends were when I Came out. 1 friend who I called Twinney because I was really close to her * who never calls me, nor really cares untill I call her. and even then it is all about her *.. and my other bestest friend ever.. ( didnt understand, and totally dis'd Joy when they met.. and doesnt understand it all) I used to think of her as a mom as well.. I do understand what you mean and if we were close in distance I would totally be there for you anytime you need me. Even if you needed me to do anything I would. You and Jen seem to be awsome even though we never really met. (((( hugs ))))

I wish I could be more helpful.
Take care, and Im here if ya need me
Bec

Re: Mean ppl really suck

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess that's the way of the world - lots of friends but few "good" friends. I think that's the way it SHOULD be (how could you have so many "good" friends?) but I feel like I left most of my GOOD friends behind and well, it's hard to do things like this from afar.

I'm sorry you lost one of your good friends when you came out. That's just awful and unfair and I never know how "friends" can do that. It makes it seem like your friendship was based solely on whether you were straight or not. Crazy.

xoxo and we can have a party another time!

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

Hey, this sounds like a topic that you could really use the chance to vent about. I have been in this position as well and I never got the chance to vent. If you want to talk to me this weekend, I will listen, and I will give a external view of things, or talk back to you if you want that. Either way, I'd be happy to listen, because I know that it would really have helped me when I needed it.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I appreciate the offer. I don't know if I want to vent or not. The one person I really wanted to talk to did contact me, and I feel a lot better about things from that end anyway. Of course I still have some anger about the rest of the equation but I tend not to really want to dwell on angry things. Still, if it comes up I'm sure you will get an earful! :)

[mermil.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure exactly what happened...a friend offered to throw you a shower and then backed out? If that's what happened, then you are fully entitled to feel awful and cry, but in the end you need to understand it's not a reflection of you, but of the kind of person that "friend" is. Don't let his/her thoughtlessness make you feel like you don't matter, because you clearly do, to many people. It's not easy when friends let you down, and when you have to start evaluating those friendships...the pain will subside, and in the meantime stop beating yourself up about being emotional. You could try my tactics which are to listen to sad music, weep profusely for fifteen minutes, and then just be incredibly cranky for the rest of the day. Crankiness can be weirdly empowering, you know.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, there is a long and convoluted drama-filled story involved (isn't there always) about some friends who approached Jen about throwing us a shower, and we never had a clear idea whose idea it was but someone had stepped forward into "the leader." We had started to get weird vibes that things weren't going to work out, so we kept asking "the leader" if everything was fine, if they needed help, if there were problems, etc. We were told it was all awesome.

Then recently I was contacted by another of the bunch who was super stressed because the person I thought was 'the leader' backed out and didn't tell us, and the person left holding the bag was at the end of her rope. But unbeknownst to us, that person had no clue that we'd been offering help and asking for feedback from 'the leader' all along, and was under the impression that we had all of these expectations and were making all kinds of crazy demands. I don't really understand it. All I know is that there was a major break in the communication, seeming to stem from one person who I don't believe will ever even fess up that she backed out, let alone apologize for it.

So four people were involved in a shower, three got really hurt, and the fourth? Well, I've been told that for whatever reason she has "written me off." I don't really know what that means but I'm not going to feel bad as if I did something. I just ended up pregnant. My mistake was agreeing to let them throw me a shower.

Oh, don't worry, I can do Crankiness. Me and Cranky, we're buds. :) xoxo

[twomomsarebetterthanone.wordpress.com (from livejournal.com)]

just want to say i'm thinking of you and jen. and the offer is still out there.

hugs and love to both of you!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You guys are incredibly awesome beams of sunshine, and I hope we get to hang out soon. Your offers are sweet and we appreciate them. xo

[prunesnprisms.livejournal.com]

I am concerned. I know I haven't said much lately, and it's because I have my own alligators here, but it's pretty inexcusable of me to know you're hurting and out there in a place you haven't lived very long, and me not really offer much encouragement, just cause I'm busy.

If I can help with the shower, let me know. Your baby deserves to be celebrated.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the offer. I am not entirely sure what we're going to do about the actual shower/party business, but I appreciate the words of support.

xo and good luck with those alligators.

[quinniepants.livejournal.com]

i'm afraid of babies. but send me your address so i can buy an outfit for you to dress the tiny alien in. it will be a sweater vest, tie and khaki pants. you may call the baby quinn junior. oh and hi!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Ha ha ha, don't be afraid of babies! Also, if you got the baby an outfit with a tie Jen would be so jealous! She is always trying to buy little suits for babies, it is the creepiest thing ever! :)

xo

[mnsnstar.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm sorry to hear you're upset.

Hope the days bring more sunny feelings and that this is put behind you with some kind of feel good resolution.

Happy furry tumbleweed cleaning! Reminds me that I need to vacuum as well.

Have a good Wednesday, kiddo!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It will get better. It actually already has, because I was able to clear up a bunch of stuff with one of the party planners that left me not only with some resolution and apology, but also with a clearer picture of where all of the drama started. I'm not likely to get any resolution on that end (I was told that I was "written off" by that person for whatever reason) but the person I was most concerned about came through and life is cool again.

I can't wait to clean the house out. I feel so much better when my house is clean.

xo

[mnsnstar.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad to hear you were able to clear up some stuff. Sometimes it might not feel like it at the moment, but doing the writing off or being written off is a blessing in disguise. Drama like that can just always be a source of stress and who needs that these days (speaking from recent experience *major sigh*)

I vacuumed with a spiffed up vacuum (had my Oreck tuned, cleaned and repaired) and what difference it makes on my carpets! YAY! Simple things make me happy! =)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I love having a clean house. LOVE. Congrats on the tuned-up vacuum!