Singing the Milk Blues

[judecorp]

Thank you so much for all of your overwhelming comments/e-mails/well-wishes. Today I think I read something like 260 e-mails and comments of nice things and excitement about our family. There is no way I will ever respond to all of them, so let me just give the lamest thanks ever and let you know that it means an awful lot to me that our kid is loved by so many awesome people. No, really.

This has been a rollercoaster of a couple of days, mainly due to the fact that my milk hasn't come in. Yesterday our kid stopped wetting diapers, so we made our first trip to the doc. (It's kind of convenient that they're open 365 days/year.) She was borderline on the dehydration and the weight loss, so they sent us home and said they hoped my milk would come in last night. Nope. Back in today and the dehydration was a little worse and she lost more weight. Ugh.

They were very sweet and kind about it, but pretty much made us supplement with formula right there in the office. I cried the entire time, and it didn't help that the first nurse that checked us in made a comment about how the baby was "starving." So I told the doc about it and he's supposed to have a chat with her. Anyway, the OTHER people were incredibly nice and tried to make me feel better by telling me it's probably temporary, that my milk should fully come in really soon, and they were really good about finding a system that worked for us that was as non-disruptive as possible. So they gave us a little catheter attached to a syringe and we squirt some formula into her mouth while she's already nursing. It's a huge PITA but hopefully won't cause any nursing troubles, and hopefully my milk really will come in like they say - though I am skeptical due to PCOS.

Having to supplement with formula was one of the things I was afraid of, and having to do it already on Day Four is worse than I thought. I feel so awful about it... but also feel awful about how my kid cried for two days because she was so hungry.

This stuff is hard.

Comments

[posthaste.livejournal.com]

oh mamas *hugs*

ok -- if it helps at all: when ally (my oldest) was born i was so tired and frustrated that we supplemented in the hospital right away...but when we came home from the hospital she was on nothing but breastmilk from then on and nursed until she was almost 2 :) the first six weeks or so were rough but i pumped and pumped until i was able to get her latched on. so it *can* happen.

you can totally do this. i know it's so hard, and you're so tired. you might want to see if you can find a LLL group in your area!

if i can offer up any advice please don't hesitate to ask! i know you have wonderful, supportive nursing mamas on your friends list too *hugs*

[girlonthewire.livejournal.com]

you do what you have to do. formula won't kill the baby. and you're taking precautions to make sure you'll be able to nurse when your milk does come in. so, i think you guys are doing a great job!

MORE PICS!!!! :)

[wendywoowho.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. :HUGS: You are gonna figure this out. You are. You and your wife and your beautiful little girl are totally going to figure this out. August Rose is not going to starve, and she's not going to die from dehydration, and you clearly have a good team of resourceful professionals on hand to help you make sure that's going to happen.

Of course it's frustrating. Of course it's scary. It's all so strange and new and things that seem like they should be the easiest most natural things in the world aren't.

If I were nearer, I'd bring you over a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies, because they say oatmeal helps, and even if it doesn't, my sister says that the cookies, baked with love, are soothing and (since Bob bakes hers) make it a "team effort."

This stuff? IS HARD. You're not wrong in thinking that.

I just know that you are made of strong stuff, Jude. You are. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent, giving, loving woman. You're married to another one. And now, you're gonna raise yet another one.

It's heroes work.

And if there's anyone I'd trust with that, it's you.

[mtgirl.livejournal.com]

Oh, I just promise this will happen. I know this frustration. Can you and that baby just go to bed and lay there and watch movies and sleep and whatnot? It may sound impossible, but it helped my milk to come in just by going to bed. I can't remember which one of my books said to do that.

I wish I could bring dinner and drop it off for you all in the worst way. I'd bring salad and salmon and rice and crusty bread and ice cream and Perrier and all things yummy.

Coming from a supportive nursing mom: I promise it will happen, but there's not thing in the world wrong with giving that baby some formula in the meantime. You are an amazing mama, and what's more, your lucky little girl has two of those, so she's going to totally rock.

I'm sending hugs and good milk wishes.

[anitsirk.livejournal.com]

how about fenugreek or mother's milk tea?

august is welcome to my stash of breastmilk if that doesn't squick you out. i'm sure enzo would be happy to share.

breastfeeding is not as easy as some people make it seem. give it time, and it will work out. if you need to call me and ask questions, or if you want any help, please call/IM/email.

[amyura.livejournal.com]

You might want to consider joining adopt_a_mom, which is a community that offers one-to-one nursing support with a mentor.

Continue with the supplemental nursing system (the official name for the catheter thingee) and see if they can hook you up with a pump that you can use between feedings to encourage your milk to come in. There are also herbs such as fenugreek, and foods like brewer's yeast and oatmeal, that can help with milk supply.

*hugs*

[marshmelococoa.livejournal.com]

It IS hard. But it's an ok kind of hard. You learn to adjust and figure out what works.

Did they talk to you at all about possibly pumping, trying to get that milk to come in, and then of course you can use any colostrum and soon to be milk to feed instead of formula?

We all know that breastmilk is best but formula is ok too. In the short term it's not going to confuse her or make things harder. After all, it is important that she stay hydrated.

There are some herbals and herbal teas out there that help with milk supply and things - not sure if they'd help for helping the milk come in.

Hang in there, you're doing a great job!! I want to see more of her, post more pics when you're up for it! :)

[marshmelococoa.livejournal.com]

I posted at the same time as you - with some similar thoughts. :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I have all of the LLL contacts for my area, but I haven't really been able to get to/talk to any of them because we're running around like idiots right now. Which sucks, because now is the time that I need time! I mean, I am covered in stitches so getting out to do /anything/ (let alone three trips to the pediatrician in three days) is a major issue.

I tried pumping earlier today because I wanted to see how much would come out and I also wanted to see if what came out was milk or colostrum. It's definitely milk, but only the tiniest amount of it. And when I say tiny, I mean that I pumped one breast for like 15 minutes and got maybe 30 drops. And the other breast got ZERO drops.

It's so frustrating because currently she latches really well and wants to do this stuff, and so every time I uttered any kind of concern at the hospital they were like, "Oh, you are going to be fine, your milk will come and her latch is so good, blah blah blah," and I asked everyone, "What happens if my milk doesn't come in?" and they smiled and there-there'd me and said, "I'm sure it will come tomorrow." Tomorrow. Always tomorrow.

[kjames.livejournal.com]

you're right, it's totally hard. on top of sleep deprivation, suddenly being in charge of a living breathing human, now you have this to deal with. i'm sorry, i know it's so hard. simon wouldn't nurse when my milk finally came in (day 4 and i don't have PCOS) and that suuucked. i had to give him a bottle and i cried. i was so worried. eventually he nursed. you know what? it sucked big time. it also was okay. it's all weird like that.

this is one of the reasons i'm SO glad formula exists. without it, little august could be in trouble. i'm glad she's not! she'll be okay and so will you guys. it's totally fine. if your milk comes in, awesome. if it doesn't... it's still okay. you are not a failure AT ALL. she is so loved by you both and that is what matters the most.

hang in there. i will pray for you guys, about this and all the new parent stuff which i know can be so overwhelming.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I know formula isn't the end of the world, and I assumed that I would probably supplement some at SOME point, but nursing is incredibly important to me and is part of what I want for my baby.

I'm already noticing that she is less inclined to latch on now, because she wants someone to squirt formula in her mouth. This is the kid that until this afternoon would stay latched on for HOURS trying to get something.

Jen has pics on her Flickr page, but she has them locked to friends. If you go to that picture I posted, you can get her Flickr name and add her - she'll add you back. :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks, W. I know that whatever happens, everyone will survive. I mean, even with a broken heart you can survive... but that doesn't make it suck less.

I have packets of oatmeal here but no ingredients for oatmeal cookies, nor any of the other things that are supposed to be good for milk production. And umm, there is no grocery shopping in my near future - not until I can walk without looking like a freak! ;)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

We don't have a television in the bedroom (thank goodness, I hate TVs in bedrooms!) so we could all go to bed but we would be bored, bored, bored. And now that we're doing this syringe contraption, feeding has become a MAJOR production - takes some of the "lazy day in bed" out of the whole thing.

Jen is making dinner right now, which is really nice. It's interesting to have a baby that goes to sleep after eating now instead of crying for the hour or so between attempts. Now maybe we can do some stuff around the house.

I know that formula isn't the devil, but I also know that I want better for our family.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I have neither fenugreek or MMT here at the moment, and can likely get some when I can walk around well enough to leave the house for any kind of duration, but for now all I have is oatmeal.

Enzo's milk doesn't squick me out - certainly not as much as squirting high fructose corn syrup directly down my kid's throat. Thanks for all of your help.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I have a pump here, but was actually told today /not/ to pump in between feedings in the hope that a) my nipples would recover from the baby's futile attempts to get anything out of me, and b) I might actually be able to sleep at some time, and c) that I could start storing up some milk in there. I pumped this afternoon before the doctor visit and got about 30 drops of milk out of one breast (15 mins of pumping) and zero on the other. So right now pumping isn't really doing it.

When I can get out of the house without walking really funny, I can try to find some fenugreek and stuff. Or maybe order some domperidone from the internet. Because really, after the third doctor co-pay in three days and no job I might as well just spend all of my maternity leave money in one week. ;)

sorry for long comment!

[artemis44.livejournal.com]

Jude, I know we haven't met yet, but I want you to know that I will be in the valley on Friday and Saturday, and I would LOVE to come over and bring you the bottle of Fenugreek I still have, along with anything else you might need from the store that I could pick up for you.

I so know how hard it is - we had to supplement right away, as my milk did not come in (turns out I have hypoplastic breasts, so really hardly any milk ducts to work with), but even still we did manage to nurse for 10 months, just with a lot of supplementing.

We did the supplemental nurser system for the first 6 weeks, then finally chucked it for bottles because hell yeah, it's a royal PITA - but worth it! We also did finger feeding, which was basically taping the tube to C's finger and then letting him suck off the finger... it helped develop his suck in the first week or two.

Pumping is a great way to bring in the milk - but a HORRIBLE way to measure output. I'm sure you know this already, but lots of women who even nurse with no problems get almost no milk when they pump - they just don't respond to the pump. So don' t let that get you down.

Check out www.kellymom.com for GREAT breastfeeding information, they have lots of ideas for how to get through EXACTLY what you're going through.

And please, please send me an email and let me know if I can bring you some milk-making goodies... and whatever else you need... Like I said, I'll be out there anyways visiting friends/family, and I'd love to pass on the favors that were given to me when I was in exactly your shoes.

Good luck, gets lots of rest (yeah, right), and drink lots of water! And remember, you're doing a GREAT job, and you have GREAT support... and a PERFECT little girl! :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I tried pumping today, and when I told him that (I also brought it in so he could see what it looked like and how much), he said that right now pumping wasn't in my best interests because I am still trying to keep the kid on the boob as much as possible and if I add pumping into the mix, I will never sleep. Also, nothing is coming out yet and he is correct in his assumption that pumping a dry boob is going to make me cry.

I really hope she doesn't get confused or lazy with the formula. I've already noticed that she's not as eager to latch on now because she wants someone to squirt some formula in her mouth. That makes me want to cry.

I know that we will work it out no matter what. I am just not really prepared to deal with this right this second on top of the end-of-pregnancy hormones and whatnot... and the guilt of knowing your baby was miserable and starving - and a nurse felt the need to say that to you.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was really pissed about that nurse. I mean, sure, I know she probably thought she was being funny or flippant or whatever, but HELLO - totally inappropriate. Usually I don't go out of my way to "rat out" people like that, but I felt the need to tell the doctor twice what she said and that it really upset me. This particular doctor is the head of the practice and I hope he says something to her.

I hope my milk comes in. You know, at least enough to feed my kid something without her crying nonstop because she is just so hungry and frustrated. It breaks my heart to know that she is sleeping now because some bottle of crap made her feel better and I can't.

Re: sorry for long comment!

[artemis44.livejournal.com]

Ooops, my email is artemis44 at gmail

Oh, and I also have 200 tablets of domperidone, though I don't know that you'd want to jump to that right away... but I'd be glad to leave them as well in case you get to that point...

(and, I SO do not want to contradict what your pros are telling you, but everything I read sort of disagreed with the whole "don't pump yourself dry," and "don't bother with pumping at the beginning"... so... I don't know, maybe just be sure to doublecheck what tehy're saying with other sources? Cuz I was always told the more stimulation, the better...)

[marshmelococoa.livejournal.com]

honey, she wasn't miserable and starving. I do know the end of pregnancy hormones though and just the overwhelming feelings about taking care of this new life and how much it effects your own life.

The nurse was SO wrong, and I'm glad you said something because many people don't and these kinds of people do it over and over and shouldn't be allowed to treat people that way. She owes you a serious appology. And I'd demand one.

I hope your milk comes in soon - keep your fluids up and try and relax. Stress and tension doesn't help, you know that. But I also know that's easier said than done.

I'm in your corner. I'll be your cheerleader. You can do this, it takes a little time and a little work. It's not always easy for everyone.

*smooches and hair pats!*

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. Supplementing is ass. Even if it's necessary, it's ass that it's necessary.

One thing to be aware of at this point is that August's stomach is literally the size of a shooter marble. Even if you've just been giving her drops, that's a substantial portion of what she needs. And there are more antibodies in a drop of breastmilk than there are in all the formula ever made, and she's getting them.

It's good that nursing her is important to you, because you ARE nursing her. Supplementing is, as I say, ass, but it doesn't change the fact that you're nursing her. Let me ditto what previous posters have said -- I have a friend who was exclusively nursing her seventy-fifth percentile son, and she couldn't pump more than a half an ounce in any 24 hour period.

Look into getting an SNS, which will duplicate nursing more accurately because she won't have to open her mouth for the syringe. and please, please believe me when I say that you are absolutely doing what's best for your precious girl, both in supplementing and in trying not to supplement.

[mtgirl.livejournal.com]

Ditto on the TV in the bedroom thing. I forget...I had a laptop I used, I think, which goodness is totally irrelevent, isn't it? Anyway, any resting you can do and taking care of you that you can do, well, it just helps.

Sending so very many hugs to you. I also know that support is bittersweet, because you just get bombarded with so very much information that it seems overwhelming. Everything will come together, even though, in the beginning, it doesn't always seem like it.

Breastfeeding is such a crazy ride at first. It feels, at times, like you need a college degree in breastfeeding, but I promise, one day you'll be doing it while making soup, in your sleep and balancing the checkbook while jogging (but don't do that today).

[mollysummer72.livejournal.com]

Hey, my ped is an LC and I'm working with another LC now. I've got tons of info for you. You can email me at summer.page at gmail.

I've been pumping for 10 weeks, from day 4 of baby's birth, when we realised he was dehydrated and not getting milk. We finger fed for 5 weeks. I am so, so right there with you. Let me know if you have any questions or just want to talk.

[gala.livejournal.com]

I second the offer on mad breastmilk stimulating drugs. I got what you need. I'll pop what I think I can in the mail, but we're planning to be in the area at the end of July so I could bring the rest by.

As for pumping right now, don't. You will just stress yourself out, mostly because you will not be able to pump out as much as the baby is getting. Babies are WAY MORE efficient at getting milk out of you than a machine is. Plus, Stress = lower supply. So the reason you're told not to pump is that the baby stimulates you more/better.

I agonized over giving V formula - my milk took about a week to come in, and I had done zero research before-hand. There are tons of things I would go back and change, but to be honest, formula feeding isn't the end of the world. It took me a long time to get to the point where I was able to say that, but I did. By the end of my maternity leave, V was exclusively breastfed. That was quite the feat. But because of the whole 'pump can't extract as much as the baby' quandry, we had to supplement when I went back to work. The benefit of that was she was already used to a bottle (downside now she's weaned is that is she thinks milk only comes with a silicone nipple - no sippy cups for milk here, no sir.), and if we were in a non-bf friendly location I could still feed her. And when it comes down to starving baby or formula feeding, well, you know what you've got to do. What we did do was just give her an ounce or two at a time, after nursing. Never more than that - go check out kellymom.com for more info on how much newborns actually eat per feeding. I think someone else mentioned how small babies' bellies are at first. You don't want to give her too much and get her too used to a large quantity of formula. Lots of small feedings are just as good as fewer large feedings.

At any rate - you're doing great! It's hard work feeding a baby. Don't sweat the small stuff, and yes, you will be a human pacifier for the first few weeks. With plenty of patience and diligence (and lanolin), you'll make it.

Good luck, hon! :)

[artjax.livejournal.com]

Hey - you guys are doing great - F what any nurse says - you're doing your best, and the kid will be fine.

xo