Devil Baby

[judecorp]

So about a week and a half ago, Punk started screaming at the breast. Not a little fussing, but a full out howl, arch back away, bloody murder dramarama. I tried every day for seven days after that - different times of day, different situations - same reaction.

So I guess nursing is over. I wondered how long it would go on after domperidone and I guess the answer was 5 weeks. And hey, that's five weeks I didn't think I would have, I guess, but it still breaks me up. Almost all of my friends here right now have little tiny babies and ALL of them are exclusively nursing. And I'm not talking 2 or 3 people. More than 10. I feel so craptacular about the whole thing.

And yeah, yeah, I know it's "not my fault" and I "did a lot" and blah blah blah. I do. I get it. But that doesn't make it suck less. And it doesn't stop me from thinking, 'Maybe Punk wouldn't do/feel/experience XYZ if I was nursing,' on at least a daily basis. Feh. And I know lots of people don't nurse, and formula babies are as good/smart/beautiful/insert adjective here. But that doesn't change the fact that I wanted to exclusively nurse my daughter. Or at least nurse her a little bit.

She did, however, sleep on me for an hour this afternoon and that was pretty nice, even if she was a heinous beast at the coffee house this morning. A friend said, "Oh, she reminds me of [her oldest child]! She was such a Devil Baby." I think she was trying to be helpful but it made me really bummed out. I don't like anyone calling Punk a "Devil Baby" or a "difficult baby" or a "bad baby" or whatever.

At least it didn't scare that woman away from having more kids (she has four now). That's good.

Comments

[posthaste.livejournal.com]

you're still 1/2 of the coolest mom duo i've ever known.

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, Jude. It sucks when nursing stops before you want it to. Try to be gentle to yourself if you can.

[cappucinogrrl.livejournal.com]

That sucks.

That said, I wish you could meet my former friend Ele. (No falling out or anything, just drifted.) Just so you could meet another mom who hardly got to nurse at all.

The week or so after her baby was born, she was diagnosed with post-partum depression. The meds she had to take meant she couldn't nurse. Imagine the guilt.

Meanwhile, last I heard, she and the baby are both happy and healthy. (He's about a year and a half.)

[kjames.livejournal.com]

i have a couple of friends, for one reason or another, who's milk never really came in (and some who had to go on anti-depressants/other meds that were not nursing-safe) and had to give it up early. my group of friends is very pro-breastfeeding, and one friend was so afraid of judgement that she asked me and another friend to not tell anyone (that she was supplmenting) at first. i felt so bad for her. no one would have (or did, when she got to the place where she as okay wiht people knowing) judged her, but it was just really hard for her to deal with it at first.

i know it's hard when it ends sooner than you would like (simon weaned early. well, it was probably a nursing strike but i didn't know about those then). hang in there.

[girlonthewire.livejournal.com]

i'm sad almost every day that my babies are no longer eating breastmilk.
so sorry. :(

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

I can't believe someone compared her to a "Devil Baby." Just the fact that she would call her own baby that is awful.
We've had this discussion about "difficult or bad" babies and it ticks me off every time.

[mollysummer72.livejournal.com]

ILY. I know how it feels.

[evewasframed.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry you're struggling with this.

And NO ONE should ever call your child anything negative, even if they're just kidding. I call Ava "beast" when she's being a fuss, but I'd whoop the ass of someone else who did! My baby, my beast!

[(Anonymous)]

hey - sorry it sucks so much. i totally feel ya. sometimes when T & J are sick i wonder whether they would have gotten x cold or y cough or whatever if i was able to nurse them longer than a freakin' stupid little month. as time has gone by, it has gotten less sad for me, but i still think about it. i was one of those people who always pictured bf'ing my baby for a full year and all that crap. *sigh* it is what it is. and, jeez, sorry for the woman calling gus a devil baby. people are such in-freakin'-sensitive assholes sometimes. i think if someone makes a jackass comment, you should be able to smack them upside the head, like on those commercials for v-8! -chris-

[estrange.livejournal.com]

You are such a good mom. :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

So are you! :) xoxo

[hetterrific.livejournal.com]

I feel for you. I am packing formula for our trip "in case" since I've been having supply issues and am concerned. I cried as I put it in the pile. My husband thinks I am crazy. He just doesn't understand.

And I hate the "difficult baby" label, too. I like to think of her as strong-willed, opinionated, or spirited at times, but not difficult.

[amyura.livejournal.com]

Well, it IS about the right age for a nursing strike. If you do decide you want to keep nursing (make sure it's YOUR decision), you can work through this.

I completely agree on the devil baby thing. The WORST questions for me when Julia was a newborn were, "Is she sleeping through the night yet?" (Answer: Fuck you, she's a baby, they don't sleep through the night and neither do a lot of adults I know.) and "Is she a good baby?" (Answer: No, she's the reincarnation of Satan and I don't know what I did to deserve such a BAD baby.)

Sheesh.

[katishna.livejournal.com]

I'm not nursing Laurie. She's 2 months old.

[tea-soaked.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Awwh, thanks!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I know, I mean, sometimes I say she's crazy or she's driving me bonkers, but she's not a devil! (She is too cute.)

It's like, "I know you're trying to be helpful, but umm, you're not."

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not like I didn't know this day was coming... I was just enjoying it. It's not like we're not bonded or whatever, it was just nice. I will miss it.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's not like I'm worried that something bad is going to happen to Punk because she isn't nursing. It just wasn't my "plan." I mean, it's not like you can totally plan out parenthood but I thought we would be nursing. it just sucks.

xo

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I have some donated milk, which is really nice and awesome... it's just not the same. I miss her being "at the tap."

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It's just so weird. I mean, there are circles of people out there where it would be weird to be nursing, and I hear about people being asked to stop nursing in public and stuff (that doesn't really happen around here) so I know that in those circles, me and my bottles are no big deal. (Ditto for people my mom's age who are just like, "Who cares about nursing?") But I don't really know too many people who use formula, or at the very least use only formula. I hang out with mama friends and their babies get fussy and they shove a boob in the baby's mouth and all is well. My kid gets fussy and I have to run down the list of silly things to amuse a baby.

I would like to just shove a boob in her mouth! :)

[kjames.livejournal.com]

i know! it's funny how the circles we run in can really color our view of things, too, you know?
ah well, look at it this way: you're further ahead than most first-time moms in that you have learned the important lesson that just because YOU wanted to do things a certain way with your kid, that doesn't mean that that is how it's actually gonna happen. :D :D :D

i know. it would be so much easier sometimes. alas!

remember me?

[(Anonymous)]

didn't i hang out with you at a paul simon concert a lifetime ago? a matter of pride, anyone? osuglbtss? found you via hope mcg's blog. enjoyed reading about yr parenting adventures. we have 3 ladies, ages 5, and twins who are 3. i also have pcos, did metformin and clomid (hence twins!) so feel you on that. your little one is delightful. xo, melissa m.

email addy

[(Anonymous)]

my email address is beanietwit@yahoo.com in case you wanted to know, take care, melissa m.

[indigodove.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry about the nursing (I just don't know how else to phrase this). I'd be heartbroken too. I know you know this, but I'll say it anyway: it's not your fault. I know August has two awesome mammas, and she's a very lucky girl.

*hugs*

PS: She is not a bad baby or a devil baby. I wouldn't like that either.