Not strong enough to be a mama
Dec. 27th, 2007 11:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpA baby from my mom and baby group that I used to attend died about a week and a half ago. He had a heart condition and had a couple of heart surgeries and for the last month or two was at Children's Hospital in Boston and was doing so well that he was released on December 14th. He spent a day or two at home and then ended up in the local hospital PICU shortly after and died on December 17th.
I can't even imagine. It just... hurts.
A mama from my LJ due date community lost her baby after just a few short weeks on the outside - a SIDS death, I'd imagine. And I still can't come to grips with that, either. Or how she gets up every morning.
And I think about sweet baby Charlie, and about how his little sister talks about him "sleeping in Jesus's arms," and... well... I break a little bit every time.
I just don't understand why these precious little people would be sent down for such a short time. I know there are lessons to be learned in every experience, but I don't understand why there has to be so much pain. It breaks a mama's heart.
It never occurred to me, when S would talk about Baby H and his heart troubles in the group, and his impending surgery in Boston, that he might die. It was just not there, not an option, didn't enter my mind.
Sometimes I think I'm not strong enough to be a mama.
I can't even imagine. It just... hurts.
A mama from my LJ due date community lost her baby after just a few short weeks on the outside - a SIDS death, I'd imagine. And I still can't come to grips with that, either. Or how she gets up every morning.
And I think about sweet baby Charlie, and about how his little sister talks about him "sleeping in Jesus's arms," and... well... I break a little bit every time.
I just don't understand why these precious little people would be sent down for such a short time. I know there are lessons to be learned in every experience, but I don't understand why there has to be so much pain. It breaks a mama's heart.
It never occurred to me, when S would talk about Baby H and his heart troubles in the group, and his impending surgery in Boston, that he might die. It was just not there, not an option, didn't enter my mind.
Sometimes I think I'm not strong enough to be a mama.
