Judecorp.

Ugh. What a stressful day.

I got up early to go to my midwife appointment before work. Lefty Tonsil had been bothering me a little bit on Tuesday and Wednesday (no big deal) but by yesterday afternoon it was getting quite big and painful so I figured I would mention it and see what they wanted to do.

Well, the ultrasound before the appointment was great and the sonographer awesomely showed me everything. She did a full scan and showed me the brain, eyes, nose, mouth, spine, ribs, stomach, belly, kidneys, bladder, arms, legs, fingers. She measured arm and leg length and said everything was great for dates. She also could find no evidence of hematoma. Baby B hadn't changed at all and I guess is determined to hang in there - its sac was still just as large with no sign of absorbing. But everything else was awesome.

The midwife visit was good. She used the doppler and said the heart sounded great, and I told her we had a doppler at home that we use about twice a week and she said that was fine. We talked about the spotting, how it keeps getting lighter and lighter, and she was glad about that also. Vitals were good, but she was a little concerned about my throat so she did a throat culture. She originally told me to just go home and call if it got worse but then came back in the room and said she wanted me to go across the street to the Franklin ER so I could see someone about it. I wasn't jazzed about that but she made me promise. So I scheduled my next month appointment and Big Ultrasound and then headed to the ER.

I got there around 10:40 and got into a room almost right away. I thought maybe I was getting rushed through because the midwife called ahead, but I guess it was random because I sat in that room unseen until 12:30. By then I was in quite a lot of pain (Tylenol was wearing off) and so thirsty and hungry, since I hadn't had /anything/ since 8:30am. No one came in to check on me, nothing, until the PA came at 12:30.

She did some "stick out your tongue and say 'ahh'" stuff and said that yes, my tonsil and throat were swollen (duh) and wanted to give me augmentin, which I can't take because of a penicillin allergy. I also told her that I was concerned about medications because of the baby. She came back a while later and told me I could have IV clindamycin, which I have taken in the past. I'd looked it up earlier in the morning on safefetus.com and saw it was a Category B, but I let her know that I was nervous about taking any medications. I told her I wanted to talk it over with Jen (I had to call her at work) and she was a little miffed that I didn't make a decision.

Jen and I talked and we really had a hard time deciding whether to get the IV or whether I should leave and see if it got worse. Finally we opted on the IV, and I told the PA... but the in the 30 minutes before someone came with the IV I started getting nervous again, so I called the midwife and she said I should do it. The IV nurse came in around 2:15 or so and said the IV would take an hour or so. At that point I couldn't take it anymore, and said something like, "Wow, I will /never/ eat." She was actually very nice and got me a tray of foods, including some chicken soup and lots of desserts (ice cream, sherbet, jello) which made things a lot better. But sheesh - who lets a pregnant chick not eat or drink all day?

So I got the IV and then the PA comes back with a prescription for more clindamycin and tells me to go back to the midwife on Monday for a follow-up. And umm, I can't keep running up there. But whatever. So I go to work (get there at 4) and turn in my hours, then go to CVS where the pharmacist tells me they don't even MAKE clindamycin pills in that dosage. She wanted me to take 450mg 4xday for 10 days. The pharmacist said he could give me 150mg pills and I could take 12/day. Which is 120 pills in 10 days!! He seemed to think the dose was too high, and I told him to call the doctor and left. Then we called Jen's dad, who is a pharmacist, and he felt the dose was high, too.

So I called the doctor back and told her I was concerned about taking so much medication. She kind of berated me on the phone a bit and finally agreed to change it to 300mgx4 if I agreed to take it. She seemed very annoyed that I was so worried about the baby, and let me tell you, that didn't warm me up to her at all.

So I spent about one hour being completely psyched and worry-free about the baby, and now I'm paranoid that I am going to damage the baby with all of these antibiotics. So I don't know when I can stop worrying, because who knows when we'd know if there was a problem?

I just wish something could be easy.

Wow, I never expected to have this type of journal.

The bleeding kind of ebbed and flowed (HA HA, get it?) throughout yesterday and into the night. I attempted to go to bed because I was feeling pretty good at the time and just wanted to get the night over with. As soon as I laid down I started to get hit with monster cramps and heavy bleeding. When Jen came to bed a little over an hour later, I told her what was going on, and after about a half hour more, she insisted that I go to the ER because she was worried I was bleeding too much. I didn't really want to go to the ER because I didn't think they could/would do anything, but she was really concerned and hey, maybe they would have an answer.

It was a total waste of time. They took a million vials of blood from me and told me to strip down to a gown and wait so I could have an internal exam. I was bleeding like a stuck pig and was not able to wear anything! It was the most disgusting experience of my life. About two hours later, the doctor came in with my lab results (everything fine except an elevated white count which he thought was due to stress). Then the proceeded to do the worst internal exam of my life - it was obvious that he doesn't have a lot of experience with such things because he didn't give any warning. He was like, "Okay, you will feel my hands on the outside," (or whatever) and the next thing I knew he was jamming in the speculum with /no/ warning. Awful.

Anyway, I don't know what the point of the internal was. He didn't tell me if my cervix was open, only that I had quite a lot of blood up there (DUH) and some clotting but no evidence of any fetal tissue. Then he told me they didn't have an ultrasound person there in the middle of the night but he would get a nurse to try a doppler.

The nurse could not find a heartbeat on the doppler, but kept making sure to say it could just be too early to hear the heartbeat on the outside. But with everything else going on, we are not holding on to much hope. The doctor called the on call at my practice and the doctor on call told my doctor to have me call in a few hours and they would have me in for an ultrasound. I knew this was bogus because I know the sonographer is out today.

But I called this morning a little after 10:00 (we got some sleep after getting in at 5:00) and at 11:45, no one had called me back. I called AGAIN and they transferred me to someone immediately who told me I could come in at 4:00 and one of the OBs could give me an ultrasound. So that's the plan.

The odd thing is that since I got home at 5:00, I haven't had any bleeding. This is seriously the most surreal thing that has ever happened to me. How could I be gushing blood and having cramps for hours and then... nothing?

And then my mom called today, ostensibly to thank us for our Christmas gift (Omaha Steaks) but of course she called while I was waiting for the nurse to call back. I called her back after and she spent at least 20 minutes crying about how she didn't want me to hemorrhage and die because I was her baby and asking if I wanted her to fly out here. The sentiment was nice but all the effort of trying to convince her that I was not dying did nothing to help my stress level.

So I guess it all comes down to 4:00. I just want to know if we have a baby or not. And if not, I am going to see if I can get this all taken care of. And if so, I am going to see if I can get some answers.