Judecorp.

Talking to Grandma on the telephone is always a good time. It's because there is a formula to the conversation.

First, she asks me how I am a couple of times.

Then we discuss the weather. Only a little, though, because it's Grandpa who REALLY likes to talk about the weather.

Then, she gives me a run-down of who died, who is about to die, who is in the hospital, and the ever important who has cancer. (When you're in your late 80s, this pretty much covers almost everyone you know. I can't even imagine.)

After that, she may give me some information about assorted medical things she has going on, but usually needs a little prodding. She likes to keep this stuff from me, probably because she "doesn't want me to worry." But once she starts, well, there's no stopping. That's good, because if it was up to my grandfather, I would never know anything. (He's the man who told me, while he was in the cardiac unit of the hospital, that he was admitted for the flu. I was 16 years old and no dummy.)

At some point she will tell me some factoid about my cousin. He's nearly 27 and still lives with his parents, among other things. This lets me know that in the Hierarchy of Grandchildren, I am still secure in my #2 spot. (Phew.)

She will then tell me everything that she knows about my smurfbrother from his last phone call. You know, in case he forgets who I am. She likes to keep me informed. Did you know that my brother moved? He says he is never moving again. He likes his new house. Etc. This lets me know that in the Hierarchy of Grandchildren, I am secure in my #2 spot. ;)

Lately she has taken to saying, "And that's my story," after she says what she has to say.

It's a good time. I like the routine. It's kind of comforting and familiar. Like if she says, "Do you remember So-and-So?" it means that s/he is dead, dying, or has cancer. But she's been really interested in baby showers. She seems to be unconcerned about the day-to-day of my having a baby (aside from the ever-pervasive "How are you feeling?") but REALLY wants to know about the baby showers, how they were, and did-we-get-a-lot-of-stuff. Aah, Grandma, ever practical. She also has this immense doll collection of dolls from around the world that she started collecting when my uncle, father, and their friends all went into the military after high school. She wants to give the dolls to the baby. You know, when she dies. Grandma likes to remind me that she "is not going to live forever."

On the plus side, even though her friend Claire just died, Grandma was in good spirits because a colonoscopy revealed that instead of cancer, she only has H.pylori and has to take a ton of antibiotics. Nothing like hearing about Grandma's intestines on a summer day.