Much too young

[judecorp]

A woman I know through the wonders of LiveJournal gave birth to her much-awaited, beautiful baby on the 17th. That beautiful baby died that very same day.

She and her husband believe in a just, loving and merciful God, and while sometimes I am in awe of their faith, sometimes I think I understand it.

Not today. I just don't understand it today at all.

I feel so sad and angry and awful for them. Where is the justice? The mercy?

Comments

[mlove.livejournal.com]

so, so sad. o mama, i am extending much love to them. please, tell them they have my care from this anonymous distance.

and you... (((j)))

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I will. If she comes online again. Which will probably be a long, long while. It is so terribly sad.

A beautiful, full-term baby girl. :(

[indigodove.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that, and I'll say a prayer for all of them today, and for you, too.

It's a terribly hard, sad thing. Ralph's cousin lost a baby last year too, and it was just devastating.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I just can't even imagine it. I mean, I try and I can't. It just seems so unfair, the death of a baby - any baby, not just a one-day-old baby. I guess if a baby is sick or something you can "expect" it (whatever that means) but ugh.

It's during times like this that I don't understand God at all.

[estrange.livejournal.com]

How sad. :(

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I know! :(

[thatpatti.livejournal.com]

i don't know her, but i know people who know her, and heard about this yesterday. i've just felt sick and heartbroken ever since i heard. SO sad.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I don't know her well at all, and only started reading her a couple of months ago - I'm guessing she originally added me because I had just had a baby and she wanted to "know what she was in for." I loved reading about her pregnancy and her new marriage and everything just seemed to positive and lovely and good.

I was stunned. Completely and totally stunned. There was a post, and I read it over and over and over again, searching for clues or justifications. The post was written with so much grace, grace I don't think I could muster in a million years.

I just get so angry with God or The Universe or whatever when things like this happen. It is just so /wrong/.

[tea-soaked.livejournal.com]

Gah I can't even begin to imagine... that is so sad and awful... so sad.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I know. Every time I think about it, I'm ready to cry.

[hetterrific.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it isn't about justice or mercy, but about teaching all of us to love and snuggle our babies and be thankful each day that we have them. Go love on Gus and don't take anything you have with her for granted. I'm sure that's what that family would want you to do.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Now see, I can understand the message that God might be sending to /me/ through all of this, and it definitely gives me perspective when I complain about being tired or about her having a rough day or whatever. I get it. And it IS a good lesson to learn.

I just don't understand what God could be saying to /them/, these good, beautiful, wonderful, prayerful people who were so much in love and wanted this baby so much - to have her go to term and deliver this robust, gorgeous baby... and take her less than 24 hours later.

It is too much for me to process.

[coveryourears.livejournal.com]

that is so heart breaking.
i cant even imagine.
prayers for them.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I am so heartbroken for them. I am sending them so much love and strength because I know in their situation, I don't know how I would keep going.

[shanneeluee.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for their loss. I've been in their shoes, so please let them know I'm here if they need me. *hug*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I just can't even imagine that kind of loss. How did you do it? How did you pick up and move on? The loss seems so overwhelming to me and it wasn't my child. I just... I don't think I'm a strong enough person for things like this.

[calliopeblogger.livejournal.com]

so so sad. just breaks my heart even to read about it. Sending up a prayer for their family.
xo Cali

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks, C. I'm sure every little prayer helps. I have to believe that.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I agree that sometimes life really blows. You're right about that. And most of the time I believe that things just happen and that there isn't a "master plan," only lessons you can learn along the way... but I'm just so angry and wish that God, the God they prayed to every day and love with their whole heart, could have prevented this for them. It's just so unfair and tragic and awful.

I don't know how people move on from these sorts of things. I just don't. It just seems to awful to bear.

[vttwinmama.livejournal.com]

my god. sometime there is just no rhyme or reason to this crazy world. my heart aches for that family.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Mine too.

[jost.livejournal.com]

There is mercy in knowning that the baby will never know pain or suffering or betrayal or be the target of violence. She'll never be lied to or cheated on or be defamed. That baby is resting now is a way that we should all be able to rest. None of the miseries that we deal with on a daily basis will ever blemish her soul.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

That's true. That's a very good point.

Thank you.

[buckeyebrain.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, that's just horrible. My thoughts are with your friends.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'm sure she would be glad to know that. Thank you.

[froggymommy.livejournal.com]

*hug* There are no words....

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

The hard questions.

[dianamarie.livejournal.com]

Even with the death and losses I've experienced over the past few years, I cannot vaguely comprehend the loss that these parents must be feeling. I know that for me, the hardest part of believing in a just and merciful God is explaining things like this. It seems that, if God's good and merciful, we'd not see any suffering or tragedy like this, right? But the heart of faith is trusting and knowing that, even when we're touched by tragedy and loss, there is a plan that we can't see. If you believe in a God of these things, love, justice, and mercy, then you have to also believe that the plans s/he has for you are plans for good, whether you can encompass how something may even possibly vaguely be "good". How is it good that they went through this? I don't know. Maybe someday they'll have another daughter who will suffer something similar, and they'll have the experience to help her, or a friend, or someone else going through the pain. Ironically, pain and tragedy tends to make me cling tighter to my faith, not question it. I hope that is the same for them.

Re: The hard questions.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I guess part of my issue is that I don't really believe in a plan. I think maybe God has a sort of "big picture" but to me, having a plan goes against the whole free will thing. Because if God has a plan, then aren't we powerless to do anything against it? And if that's true, do we have free will over anything? I don't really like thinking that crime and war and poverty are part of God's plan - I think that's people's work, not God's.

I do think it's an interesting point that perhaps this experience happened so that P and G might be better able to help other people. I mean, I'm sure of it. They are already, I'm sure, helping and inspiring and motivating a lot of people just by hanging in there.

I guess I just hate when bad things happen. Not just "to good people," but in general. I know God doesn't promise us sunshine and puppy dogs and roses all of the time, but I really do wish there was more global good out there... and I'd love a world where children never die or suffer.

[lelumama.livejournal.com]

I would not live if something happened to my child. If any of them died I think I would just turn into ashes.

I wish I had that sort of faith, the type that could get you through anything, even the death of a baby.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'd like to think that I do... but I'm not sure. And I don't think I want to find out, you know? Is that awful?

[sillypilgrim.livejournal.com]

I have so much to share about what has happened- starting from when I went into labor until this moment that I'm sitting on the computer. But for now I'll just address this one thing.
Yesterday a girl was here visiting us (we've had a steady stream of people in and out since Sarah died) and she was asking these great, honest questions. One thing she mentioned was how she was amazed that we hadn't lost faith because of this. My first response was to laugh and say "check back with me next week". I've been riding on a sea of so many emotions! But here's what I said after that- without a good and loving God this whole thing would be a worse hell than I could ever imagine.

When we got to the hospital I (not having any idea how serious it was) could only think of how traumatizing all of those lights and people and needles would be to this little baby and I was praying that every face standing above her working on her would look like Jesus and that every hand and every touch would feel like love (because truly they were loving her to do everything they could to keep her life).
Now that she is gone I don't have a "why" in my heart. I just miss her. I was thinking the other morning about the flowers on our kitchen table and how sad it was that she would never see the spring. Then I realized that was the most ridiculous thought in the world. Spring flowers here hold nothing to the joys of heaven and my own arms hold nothing to the embrace of her heavenly Father which she is enjoying right now. The one who misses out is me and not her. Somehow that is easier to deal with.
Dont' get me wrong, I HATE it. I hate it SO MUCH. But I know my Jesus too well to doubt His love for me. Life is shorter than we think- for all of us and so soon I will get to be with Sarah again.
I'm pretty sure I will have awful days and that I will be angry with God. I know I will argue with Him on his judgement and point at my broken heart and say it is proof that this all went down wrong but in the end I know that standing beside awful pain is indiscribable joy. Those deep places which miss Sarah are the very places where God is even right now (and I can feel Him). Those places that I stand screaming in pain are the places He stands holding me.

I don't know if that makes any difference to share... I know it must be hard for you to hear especially with your beautiful daughter so close and that the fear of something like happening to anyone must be yelling at you right now. If you have ANY questions, please feel free to ask me.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I want to thank you for taking time out to not only read my little journal, but to actually sit down and write out your heart for me. I know you didn't have to do that and I really do appreciate it very much. I'm sure you have a million things on your mind, and that you and Gorm have a million things to do, so thank you. A thousand thank yous.

No one can really answer my questions more than you can, except maybe God. Or maybe both you and God together can provide the best answers, I'm not sure. All I know is that you are an amazing and beautiful person and I am so thankful and honored to know you, even through this silly electronic medium.

It's very true that the pain of death is in the living, the ones who are left behind when our loved ones go to paradise and we are here with famine and sorrow and war and tragedy, with fender benders and stale coffee and cat poop in your shoe and bad hair days, with arguments and mean words and big and small annoyances. I know that Sarah is in a beautiful place and that she is warm and safe and content with God, and that makes me happy, but I know that she would have been warm and safe and content with you too (and she was, for all of her short life she was all of those things, I know it) and I am a spoiled child and I just wanted it to be that way for you. I just want a way to "fix" it, to make it better... and if I can't do that then I guess I wish I could somehow explain it.

Sometimes I wish I was a superhero and could eliminate sad things from the world. I just hate sad things, really really hate them. And of course I worry, because there is always that voice of fear that says, "If it could happen to her, it could happen to me," and I just can't even go there because I would never sleep or eat or breathe if I dwelled in that place.

I am rambling and I should stop rambling, but I want to let you know that I think about you and Gorm and Sarah SO MUCH, even though we don't know each other, and if there is anything at all I can do to help in any way, I will do it. Just say the word.

[loretta78.livejournal.com]

Awww, that is just too sad. My heart's with them. :(

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Mine, too. :(

[kjames.livejournal.com]

i was going to come on here to try and write my thoughts on it but i think that peggy summed it up, and it's her experience so she can talk about it in only the way that someone who has gone through such a tragedy can.

i do want to say this, god does *not* promise us that our lives will be easy, happy or filled with all good things. what he promises us is his comfort, his presence, and the hope of heaven. i know for me, in my limited experience of real life hard things, these are the things i cling to, these are the things that make all the difference. i know that god will meet peggy and gorm, as well as the rest of her family, in a very deep place to offer the comfort that only he can. all that being said, i think it's perfectly okay to be mad at him, to argue with him, and to let him know just how much this sucks.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I know that God does not promise anyone an easy life, nor does God say that special favors will be granted to those who believe, or who live good lives. I know this is true but it doesn't seem fair to me, that there are people out there in the world who do terrible things, conscious terrible things, and things like this may not happen to them but instead happen to people who are just trying to live in the world the best way they can. And I suppose in some ways God knows that those people will continue to live in the world the best way they can, even in light of events like this, and just as we have faith in God, God has faith in us, too.

I guess I just get so stuck on the "why" of everything. It's not even my situation to question but I am stuck on it. Why? Why would this happen to them? And of course the biggie, why does God need to take little babies from their parents? Babies and kids are such an extra kick in the pants.

I know God does not have to explain these things to me, but I guess I wish He would. Even just this once.

[mayna.livejournal.com]

Oh no. :-( stories like that make me hug my kids and cry.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Me too.

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

I've been following her journal on and off for years but I only just heard the news from her sister's journal about an hour ago.

I'm remarkably sad.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Me too. :(

[folkyboy.livejournal.com]

losing such a life so quickly has to be insanely hard. how awful :(

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I know. I can't even imagine.

[chroniclesofconception.wordpress.com (from livejournal.com)]

oh my gosh. how unbelievably awful. and unfair. sending so much love to these people i don't know.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm sure they appreciate it.