judecorp | Child Care Blues

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Child Care Blues

I found a home day care near Jen's job that seems to be very nice and Punk could start right after we got back from Florida in April. Actually she could probably start tomorrow if I wanted it, but since we're going to Florida I think that's a phenomenally bad idea.

When all of this child care and going back to work talk was hypothetical, it seemed like a perfectly reasonable idea. We need money. I like working. Et cetera.

But now that it's like this actual probable reality, I am haaaaaating it. I had sort of fallen into the "oh, no child care centers have openings before October" notion and the idea of hanging with my cool kid for 7 more months was pretty stinking awesome... especially with spring and summer coming up.

I don't want someone to see my baby walk before I do! She may be nice but she's not going to wear my baby during the day and she isn't going to be able to rock her down to sleep when she has other kids to watch and it isn't going to be All About Punk. I am sad.

I wish I knew what to do. I could always continue draining the savings...

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This is something that I'm facing myself, though not in the immediate. We're discussing putting the kids into public school and having me go back to work because being a housewife isn't satisfying for me.

On one hand I'm thrilled that I would have the opportunity to go back to work and actually contribute to the family in a very tangible way (since I am a lousy housekeeper because its hard to be motivated to actually clean stuff).

On the other hand, this is our last baby and it makes me so very sad to think about putting her into daycare when she's only around 2-3 months old since the kids will be back in school and I should be able to find a job that will keep me busy.

We have discussed me staying home with her this coming year if the kids do go to public, then putting her into daycare full time starting the following school year, but even that makes me a bit sad. Too bad I can't just find an awesome job where I can wear her all day. Heh

Can't hear you!

It doesn't count as 'babys first' unless I'm there to see it.

Florida is awesome! ;-)

It's hard. I am very fortunate that my job situation is very flexible right now so that if C is sick, I stay home, and she doesn't have to go to school. She isn't there all day everyday like a lot of the kids (there is one little girl there who is at school from 6:30am-6pm, and when she is picked up it's her nanny that gets her).

On the good side, C LOVES going to school. She loves being around all the kids. She takes crap naps there, but she's happy. We walk in the door and she smiles at her teachers and wants to play with the other kids. When we see her teachers when we're out and about she smiles huge and puts her arms out for them to hold her.

Sure they aren't me, but sometimes that's good for her. We are very comfortable where she is and it seems as though she's comfortable there, too. I think that's a big key to not feeling terrible about it. I'd *like* to stay home, but I think she gets bored with me/us and it's good for her to socialize without me.

I faced the same fears you had when the time came for me to make my decision about going back to work and you know how that turned out ... Is there anything you could do from home to make some money and be home with Gus?
I think now that she's over the reflux and puking stage she'll do great and probably will enjoy the interactions with new babies. I might have to put Emma somewhere this summer while I go to school and I'm dreading it. Too attached to this baby.

I picked my daycare because she *would* hold my baby all the time, or at least a lot of it, and in fact he took probably half his naps on her or her mom in those first months - just like at home with me! She's not "crunchy", so I didn't even suggest wearing, but for her, it was just natural to hold the littlest baby (he was just 5 pounds then), and that made me happy. Now that he's older and needing more stimulation/development stuff, I'm looking elsewhere, but she was a great loving, nurturing presence when I couldn't be with him. She also clipped his nails for us and was great when he was sick, fussy, on meds, etc. It was great having a few more people to love him, to ask questions about his various rashes or odd behaviors, to give me feedback on him... he loves it there, but even better, he loves it more at home with us.

I feel good about it overall. But of course, I still also have the crushing guilt and sadness... 'tis a mother's lot, I fear. But for me, I know that staying at home with him wasn't a great idea, unless I had more money to be able to spend a significant amount of time at classes, events, shopping, or otherwise engaged. Me and him at home for days on end? Not. A. Good. Idea. For. Mommy's. Mind.

Finding the right place makes all the difference... and the right time - don't rush it if you don't have to...

HUGS

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It is going to be really good for her to be socialized with other children. I know this is hard, but this is something you do for her too.

I'm sorry, by the way, that I missed your IM over the weekend. I did not see it until Sunday. We'd been feeling poorly all week so I'm not sure it would have been a great option for you, but I hate that I missed it. Glad you got to go anyway.

Do you think you could find an affordable in-home nanny who would agree to babywearing and all that good stuff??

I wore B. for months when we were just walkin' around the house.

we're facing putting j. in daycare in a month. 3 days per week. it makes me sad, but it doesn't make sense for me to stay out of the workforce. (a) we need my income b/c we live in crazy, expensive NYC and (b) being freelance, I will start losing me network of contacts if i stay out too long. i work from home so people are always suggesting i just keep j. home and work, but i know for a fact (since i've been working on very simple projects for the past month) that i get NO WORK DONE when i'm home with him. i mean, i get an hour or two here and there while he naps, but the work that i do doesn't usually allow me to get work done that way. and i can't pull all-nighters and still be there for him.

it's frustrating but it's not practical for us not to use daycare at least part-time. it kills me to think of someone besides me or L. being with him. they won't love him like we do. they can't possibly give him the attention we can. but he'll be okay and so will we.

good luck. it's such a tough decision.

As tough as it is, Punk will really enjoy it after a while. Morgan gets such a kick out of being at "school". She waves and claps when she gets there, and she flashes big smiles to all the "teachers". I have to say, now that I am used to the idea, it is nice to have mommy time, and mommy conversation. And nothing beats picking her up and having her see you, recognize you and smile! Just make Jen drop her off in the morning, you pick her up and it will be all good!

(aka. Luv_bug from July07moms - valerieobrien.blogspot.com)

Could you get a part time job instead?

not that I have kids an no anything I'm talking about... but if you feel strongly enough that it is causing you stress (which it sounds) and you can afford it, I say stay home with her. She's your baby and if I were in the position, I'd stay home as long as I possibly could. :) Good luck either way.

it's a tough one...we're currently living on one income ourselves and draining the savings for the very same reason. Good luck!

boy, can i relate. i've even considered going into massive debt so that i can stay home for a year or two.

everyone tells me he will be fine without me, he needs to adjust, it will help us all in the long run, blah blah blah. all i know is that it sucks ass to be away from my kid.

sadly, i don't have an answer, only empathy.

What I would do if this was me (and you are not me, and all responsible and stuff, but anyway)...

1. I would spend the savings. I would be frugal, and I would look for opportunities to make money (I'm sure that there is some baby momma is your town that has a lot more money than you that might appreciate a progressive momma babysitter a couple of hours a week, punk could join you in warmer weather for trips to garage sales to sell stuff on ebay, you could put a donation jar on your LJ and post more, etc.) but really I can't imagine a better use for funds that your dad left you than staying home with your kid.

2. The majority of Americans live paycheck to paycheck with credit card debt up the ass and no savings. So even if you get to that point, you're like everyone else. Punk won't know, really. I'm not suggesting, blowing all the savings, but really, it's sitting there. It's a risk sure, but it sounds like one that you're willing to take.

3. This is totally a hypothetical to me, I don't know if I even want kids, but if I did I would want to stay home with them situation, so feel free to ignore me. :-)

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La la la.

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She will love it...

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