Possibly boring ramblings.

[judecorp]

I've been pretty in my head lately about basically everything because really, if you get down to it, things kind of suck right now. It sucks in my head, too, but then I just go read more ridiculous vampire fiction.

My grandfather saw the doctor and was told basically to stop worrying about eating right or about cholesterol or his diabetes and just enjoy himself. Which of course is a pretty bad sign of things to come, and I'm sure he's really freaked about it but I haven't talked to him. I talked to him right before he went to the doctor, and I'm planning to go see him this weekend sometime. I want to take Punk down and I want to take some pictures of them together but he hasn't been getting dressed lately and I know he would not want me to take his picture in his pajamas/robe. So hopefully he will be dressed.

All of this grandfather business makes me think about my childhood and how valuable it was to grow up with family around. When my mother left, we were able to be with my father mostly because my grandparents lived next door. But my great uncle also lived next door (the other way) and my aunt and uncle didn't live far, and my mother was nearish and so was her mother. So even though we were a small family, there was always someone to help out or pitch in or whatever. And I don't have that for my daughter, not even a little bit, and it is going to get progressively worse.

My daughter has no local grandparents, and one of her grandparents is already dead. She has no local aunts or uncles, and her aunts/uncles who are closest (in NJ) - Jen's brothers - have hardly seen her. One has seen her once and the other twice, both times before she was a year old. She has seen Jen's parents a handful of times, and my mother twice. She has seen my grandparents several times, recognizes them and calls them by name, but she won't have my grandfather for much longer and my grandmother is no longer young and spry enough to do any special grandmother/granddaughter things like she did with me. My aunt and uncle are an hour away and they do enjoy seeing her, but it is infrequent and right now everything is so busy and crazy with my grandparents anyway.

I never intended to have a child who was raised in a little insular unit. I want her (and any future children) to have family at the ready, for special outings with grandparents or aunt/uncle, little dates with this family member or that one, and just plain more support and love to go around. I don't want my children's family to exist only in photo albums.

My aunt and uncle have already said that when my grandparents die, they are going to move south to get away from the cold/snow. My brother, mother, and maternal grandmother already live in the south. Jen's parents live in the south. We never see her brothers or her brother's kids. We are going to be up here in Massachusetts - which I love - and we are going to have no one. No little village in which to raise our kids.

As much as I never, ever, ever want to live in the south (except for the weather!), I don't want my kids to grow up without family. And I'm probably totally mental and not in my right mind but I kind of want to have as many kids as we're going to have pronto, legalize them all up with adoptions or whatnot since we actually CAN here in this civilised Commonwealth, and then move south to be near family. Next to my mom/brother or next to Jen's parents, I'm not sure I have a preference, but I want it to happen. And soon. I must be nuts.

What sucks is that Jen finally has a job she likes. My career is pretty portable but I know she lucked out with her job and of course I don't want to screw with that. But I want my daughter to have shopping trips with a grandmother and have family members to take her on special trips to the zoo/movies/buy her tickets to the Nutcracker/whatever. To me this is about providing what I think is best for my children. And being with family is best.

Comments

[andriagirlie.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a lot to be contemplative about...

xo

[msredkitty.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry things are tough for you right now. I totally know how you feel. In the past five years I've had a grandfather, grandmother, great-grandmother, uncle and cousin die and all of a sudden my family is really small. I had lots of aunts and uncles and cousins growing up, but since i'm an only child there's no hope for that for meyer.

i think about you a lot, and i'm really am sorry about your grandparents. I know it's not easy.

[sarahaubry.livejournal.com]

i was so sad after you called this morning. so sad. marc said "her grandpa is so awesome!" because he remembers at gus' birthday...and he took "the nap" of the century :)

i totally feel you. i have ZERO family out here, and marc's family is a bunch of poopycocks. i get it. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[sarahaubry.livejournal.com]

uhhhh....marc remembers your grandpa's nap.

[hetterrific.livejournal.com]

We have no family close, either, and it sucks. My parents are our kids' only grandparents and they are in Virginia. Shane's dad took off when he was around a year old and his "like dad" died in 96. His siblings live in California and mine in Virginia and Michigan.

[violane.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel. Shortly before I got pregnant with Ben, both of our parents moved farther away from us. Then Michael's dad and grandmother died, and I lost three grandparents. :( Totally sucks. Both my brother and Michael's sister live nearby but hardly ever visit Ben. My friends have a much better relationship with him. My parents more than make up for how far away they live by how much effort they go to to see him, but it's still annoying in an emergency or whatever to have no one I can drop him off with with no notice.

I understand the pull of wanting to live closer to family when you have a young child. And I live in the south, and parts of it are not so bad ... Best of luck to you if you decide to uproot.

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

I understand where you are coming from 100% which is why we are making the move to Arizona to be close to my family. I hope it works out for you guys to have that happen!

[mayna.livejournal.com]

yeah I really wish family would quit moving away!! I miss having my dad close by... at least my mom moved here, but now my sister is going to move away (to korea no less)

[prunesnprisms.livejournal.com]

You think being with family is best, and of course she's your child and you're mommy and this is very important to you. I just wanted to throw in another perspective: I never had much family around at all, all mine were the kind I'd see on a monthly basis, or even much less. We got along alright.

I imagine any child M and I get around to having is not going to have a lot of family you're born with, but rather, a lot of family we choose.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying that you have to have family around to turn out alright; plenty of folks make it work.

We don't have much "family you create yourself" either, which I know is very different for you where you live. We /do/ have people we care for very much, but not the "take my kid overnight because I have a wedding to go to" kind for sure.

It is exceedingly important to me for my child to have a relationship with her grandparents if at all possible.

[oppendonnell.livejournal.com]

I hear you on this. So much of my family is up in your neck of the woods (my mom and my sister, and my dad isn't far either). Our extended relatives are all over the country/world, and both my parents had one brother each who are both now dead. I have one first cousin, but she lives in California.

So it has occurred to me more than once that we ought to move up there. I used to think that no matter how I felt about it that I would somehow end up moving. But it's far from C's family in NJ. Her parents are both gone, too, but her brother and his wife live there, and a bunch of "aunts and uncles" (really her dad's cousins) who we do see for holidays.

So we stay here, and hope that the community we build for J. along with frequent visits to relatives is, well, enough. It's all I had. I wanted more for him and sometimes I get so frustrated that my sister lives up in the Happy Valley with my mom to do constant daycare (even though my sister doesn't WORK) my sister's very alive MIL also lives up there, plus her husband's brother, wife, and two sons. She has created what I could not.

But there it is.

[sareste.livejournal.com]

Dan and I have talked about moving away so many times...and I can never go through with it because my huge family is all here and Mara has such special relationships with most of them.

He was a military kid and didn't grow up around family, so he doesn't think it's very important. I have almost 100 relatives within a 50 mile radius. It's really the only big argument we ever have.

I'm so sorry you're in such a tough spot with your grandparents and their health. That is a lot to handle ♥

[twomomsarebetterthanone.wordpress.com (from livejournal.com)]

you know we did this and for all the reasons you listed. it was hard to leave a place that was amazing. having moved closer to family has been even more amazing though. we often say, "if we were still in WMA we'd never be able to go out, we'd be all alone, we'd never get a break." my mother watches E all the time and I can call on my SIL to take him in a pinch if I have an appointment (and I do the same for her). i love the relationships I have with my nephews. sometimes it's hard and we do live in an area that is kind of boring but it's worth it to have family around.

[reproducinggenius.wordpress.com (from livejournal.com)]

I really get this, and even more so now that I'm pregnant. We're lucky enough to have family within about three hours, but we both could stand to move for better work, and yet we want to stay relatively close so that our kid can have those family experiences--the crazy family gatherings, the outtings with Grandma. It is important, and I can certainly see why you would consider moving somewhere that is less than savory so that your kid(s) can have that.

On another note, I'm so sorry about your grandfather. I hope you all are able to have some quality time together.