This is different for me...

So I was out, in a room full of people. And the dance floor was positively packed with people, jammed even, to the point that I was pressed against all kinds of people who were heavily intoxicated. And I was with Cary, whom I love dearly. And they were playing some of my favorite songs. They even played REM's "Superman" and OMD's "If You Leave."

And it was fun for a while, really it was, but then I got to realizing that there was only one person I wanted to be with right then. And the crowd, and my friend, and even being beergoggled by a girl who thought I was a boy during "Just Can't Get Enough" which I really /really/ love... it just wasn't enough.

Because I missed her. I missed her terribly. I wanted to lean against her and dance with her and have her roll her eyes at how silly I was. And when I hid behind Cary's shoulder when he said how great and exciting and wonderful it was for him to see me all goofy in love... well, she would have loved that. And I wanted to kiss her. Oh, goth did I want that.

And so for the first time ever, I think, in my whole existance, I was alone in a crowded room. Me. The social butterfly.

Now I'm going to crawl into my bed with my thighs tired from dancing and my worn-out knees aching and my ears ringing from the music, and if I'm lucky, if I'm /really/ lucky, I can imagine the spicy citrus smell of her, and the feel of her soft skin against my fingertips. Maybe if I close my eyes I can feel the other side of the bed sagging under the weight of her (instead of the cats). Maybe if I wish hard enough, she'll be there in the morning, and her back will be to me, and I can press my cheek against her pajamas.

Love, Here Is My Hat

This is one of my favorite stories, even though the course I read it in (Freshman English Composition 2) was arguably my least favorite. I'm not a big fan of the Classic Short Story^TM but I've always been a big fan of this one.

It was on my mind just now, and I'm procrastinating reading about Minuchin's Family Structure theory, so I thought I would type it out for posterity.

You... you will be mean. (No, I won't!)
And I... I'll drink all the time!
We should be lovers! (We can't do that.)
We should be lovers, and that's a fact.

( Love, Here Is My Hat )

Life is amazing that way...

When you're upset that you're hurting someone, life sends you a hurting friend that you can actually do something about.

John, I love you and I believe in you. You will get through this and everything else. Bloodied but unbowed. Fact.