A stroll down Memory Lane

One fine day, Jodie and I played with the painted barricades they had put up in the Jamaica LIRR station.





I sure miss those days. I sure miss that girl.

It's awful quiet here since love fell asleep.

I met a cool chick today. Saci. Pronounced shot-zee. How cool is that? She was a totally rad chick wearing a yellow tshirt with smiling pineapples on it. She's a friend of Ryan's. Very cool. We went to lunch at the dube, and she bought me a grilled cheese sammidge. Now I need to see her again so I can pay her back!

It's 80 degrees outside and I have been outside for all of 10 minutes total. How sad is that? By the time I get home after class tonight, it will be dark.

I almost wore my tan cargo shorts to work today. I'm glad I didn't, because Coworker Hope wore tan cargo shorts. Sheesh! People already get confused, even when we're not wearing the same clothes.

My telephone interview person never called today. The nerve! He ended up calling me about 10 minutes ago to tell me that he totally spaced out, that he was sorry, and that he would call me tomorrow morning. Well, we'll just see about that, won't we?

I have a headache again today, but I think it might be eyestrain. Although I got email from my mother saying that I needed to give her all of the details of my life, because I can't email a neurotic mom and tell her I got a concussion with no details. Heh. At least she's admitting that she's neurotic.

Coworker Hope and I went and walked around the MTV Campus Invasion nightmare for about three minutes this afternoon. See that, geekturtle? We partied like rock stars!

I think I need frozen yogurt before class. If it's 80 degrees and I don't get to enjoy it, I think I at least need summer food.

I get to pick a girl up at the airport tomorrow night, and kiss her into oblivion. This is good. I'm hoping the weather cooperates, because there are a few places I want her to see, like Whetstone (where my geocaching site is), and Goodale Park. Yay!

Okay. Frozen yogurt now. Then class. Thrillaminute.

Who was that girl?

There used to be a woman in these pants, and I don't know who she is. I look back on my life here in Columbus and it really seems unlike one continuous path - it's much more like there was a person who was walking a path, and something happened to her. She died, and then all of a sudden there was a new person, never the two shall meet and all that.

I moved here over Memorial Day weekend 2000, still a few months before A's and my first wedding anniversary. I was a "newlywed," a Mrs., a girl trying to build a life with someone else. I became an office temp. I looked forward to school. I set up an apartment. I set out to learn the layout of Columbus. I helped A. go from being a temp to having an actual real job.

I started school and couldn't get used to being called on in the middle of the attendance sheet. I befriended a number of sweet, average, heterosexual girl friends - Christen and Katie and Amy and Crystal, but the one I was closest to was Sonal.

Sonal would come over to study with me, to do work with me (she had a much better study ethic than I did). We called each other at least twice a week. We went out or did something almost every week - a movie, a bar, one or the other's house. We went for walks around my apartment complex and talked about our significant others - A. and Bruce. I told her we never had sex, that I didn't like it, that I preferred women physically. But I was still the married girl and that was okay.

Sonal doesn't talk to me anymore. She's in my Crisis Intervention class and doesn't even say hello to me. Neither does Amy. Christen and Katie say hello. Crystal makes small talk. We never make plans. I have no idea what is going on in their lives. Amy and Tim got engaged last Christmas. Sonal is now ready to marry Bruce. Christen is still single, and looking. Crystal and her husband bought a house. Me? I'm no longer "one of them," and I don't think they know what to do with me. I'm the girl who was married who now isn't, who used to have hair and now doesn't, who used to go to Byrne's with her male significant other and now doesn't, who used to be in the group and now is surrounded by new friends.

I think it started when I did my first field placement at Stonewall. I remember remarking in February of 2001 that I didn't think Sonal and I would be friends much longer. But she still said hello to me, then, still made lame attempts to keep up with small talk.

Today in April of 2002, the girl who wears these pants is about to graduate. She's moving to Boston. Her name would not be in the middle of the attendance sheet. She's working a different job in the queer community. She's got a significant other they have no idea about, and a group of friends and colleagues who she can relate to for real, not just out of desire to be what she thought he wanted. And you know something? You wouldn't like her, Sonal, and that's totally cool.