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For all intents and purposes, on most fronts, life is really, really good. Like yesterday. Yesterday I was having a pretty darned good day. I've been feeling pretty good, actually, since I made the decisions about the visit and the move and all of that. So yesterday I was completely mellow at work. I got to go in two hours late because of my windshield, and then after an hour I got to go to a lunch speaker (and get cookies, yay!) and even got to have coffee with Lara. I was productive at work and did a lot of junk, and got a nice email from Brett.
I went to volunteer at KYC and found out I wasn't needed there (there were three volunteers already) but that Bucky and Adam (Bucky's boyfriend) wanted me to stay! I hadn't seen Adam since Bucky's Halloween party, and we had so much fun playing table tennis and squirting each other with water guns and making fun of people. YAY! Then Adam invited me over to watch a movie or whatever, and I was all kinds of crazy excited. We all watched some episodes of "Strangers With Candy" (HAR HAR) and they ate nasty Rueben pizza (gross!) and I had the juiciest orange ever and a homemade cupcake.
And today, well, today I had parties for my first two groups (last day of group) so I was stuffed full of donut and milk. And I had one client, and played with modelling clay during supervision, and then in Team Meeting we got gift certificates for free ice cream sundaes and free polo shirts! And tonight is kickboxing. These are all such good things.
I'm really trying to be happy and fun and perky and positive. I am. But I really pretty much just feel flat-out apathetic and empty. I know what this feels like. I spent my first 17 1/2 years feeling nothing. But at this point, I know it's better than the roller coaster. At least this way I can still be productive at work and school.
I should have listened to my Daddy last summer, I think, when he told me I should stay alone.
To keep humans kind, I'm getting you from behind.
I went to volunteer at KYC and found out I wasn't needed there (there were three volunteers already) but that Bucky and Adam (Bucky's boyfriend) wanted me to stay! I hadn't seen Adam since Bucky's Halloween party, and we had so much fun playing table tennis and squirting each other with water guns and making fun of people. YAY! Then Adam invited me over to watch a movie or whatever, and I was all kinds of crazy excited. We all watched some episodes of "Strangers With Candy" (HAR HAR) and they ate nasty Rueben pizza (gross!) and I had the juiciest orange ever and a homemade cupcake.
And today, well, today I had parties for my first two groups (last day of group) so I was stuffed full of donut and milk. And I had one client, and played with modelling clay during supervision, and then in Team Meeting we got gift certificates for free ice cream sundaes and free polo shirts! And tonight is kickboxing. These are all such good things.
I'm really trying to be happy and fun and perky and positive. I am. But I really pretty much just feel flat-out apathetic and empty. I know what this feels like. I spent my first 17 1/2 years feeling nothing. But at this point, I know it's better than the roller coaster. At least this way I can still be productive at work and school.
I should have listened to my Daddy last summer, I think, when he told me I should stay alone.
To keep humans kind, I'm getting you from behind.
