There's a peacefulness and a rage inside us all.

I could get used to having a sugar momma. My lovely Diana treated me to dinner at The Melting Pot (everything from wine to cheese fondue to entree fondue to chocolate fondue) and then a movie. If I'm not careful, she might start expecting me to put out. ;)

A. came back to the apartment tonight while I was out. He took the rest of his things that he wanted, but left some of his stuff, presumably stuff he didn't want. I emailed him immediately on return (he returned his key, so I assumed he had no intentions of coming back) to let him know that if he didn't want this stuff, I wasn't going to throw it all away for him, and that he should arrange with me a time to come and clean out the apartment. There is no way in hell I'm going to go through this apartment tossing stuff he doesn't want and cleaning everything out just because he vacuumed his carpet.

At times like this, times when I stick up for myself and put my foot down, I berate myself for being such a bitch. I think it sucks that society teaches girls that they are bitchy if they don't allow themselves to be walked on. I think it sucks that I should be compliant and docile or else I wonder if I'm a bad person. I think it sucks that even though I know better, I still feel guilty. Why /shouldn't/ I expect him to throw out the things he doesn't want? Why is it fair in his mind that he only has to move out the things he wants and I should be burdened with tossing things? I didn't leave all of the things I didn't want in his bedroom - I took them to Carina's yard sale and then to the Goodwill receptacle. Is it wrong of me to expect that if he doesn't want the gifts I or my family has given him, he should dispose of them himself? And then there's the stuff that was always his to begin with - what am I going to do with a He-Man lunchbox full of his old baseball cards?

It's frustrating and maddening. Especially because I still feel like a total bitch.

Hey, free dummy!

In the continuing saga of the perpetually annoying:

A. seems to have forwarded all mail with the L-- last name. Otherwise it's just incredibly strange that I'm not receiving any mail hardly (and only to the A-- name) - none yesterday at all, and one graduation card today which is odd since I usually get at least two credit card offers per day - and the L-- name has been crossed off the mailbox by the postal carrier. Great. Just great. He's also managed to take all of the pots and pans and the stepladder. Taking the nails out of the walls will be interesting indeed.

In other more positive news, while packing I found a bunch of old coupons, so I'm currently enjoying a tasty free sub. I usually avoid Blimpie like the plague (because nothing ever seems totally fresh), but hey - free sub. (Hey, free dummy.) I found a coupon for a free loaf of bread from one of the bakeries out here that I'll use before I move, too, and $5 off at Wild Oats. Yay.

My RoadRunner service was down this morning, so I got a lot of packing done while doing laundry. I returned books to the library and borrowed Stephen King's Dreamcatcher. I mailed bills. Reminder, kids, that postage becomes 37 cents as of June 30th. 37 cents! That's insanity!

I leave you with this:

Judie Smurf: *burp*
Strange: why are you burping at me?
Judie Smurf: Cause I'm eating.
Strange: so if I was pooping and icqing from the bathroom via wireless I could go *GRUNT PUSHPUSH SPPPPLLLOOOSH* and it'd be ok?
Judie Smurf: Yes. :)
Strange: noted.

I know I'm bitching. Cope.

You know, I wouldn't be so annoyed about all of the missing stuff that he didn't say he was going to take (like all the pots and pans, and the ironing board, and the iron, and the tools, and the stepladder) if he didn't currently have a bedroom full of my grandmother's bedroom furniture that I gave him so he didn't have to buy new stuff.

Motherfucker. I'm finding it harder and harder to believe that he ever cared about me, because people who care about people don't do things like this. They don't sneak in when someone's out, take every single usable pot so the person left can't cook anything, and then leave the key on the pretense that they won't clean the empty apartment.

I'm taking the security deposit (which arguably is only $99 because the apartment complex was running a special two years ago) and buying new pots and pans. Sure, I have the money to replace this stuff with my savings, but why should I be purchasing all of this stuff because he chose a weekend when I was out of town to take everything in the apartment he wanted and leave crap that he doesn't want for me to dispose of?

It's time for him to start paying back that $3800 loan that he signed into the separation agreement.

I loathe being angry. It's really not in my nature. I suppose that's what got me into this mess in the first place. I wonder how he feels in his new apartment in my grandmother's bed. I wonder what he's thinking when he's ignoring my email and my phone message.

I'm hungry.