The man in 119 takes his tea all alone.

I agreed to take my friend Adam G. to a party that was being hosted by a friend of his from work. I met Liz for about 10 minutes at Adam's housewarming party, and while she seemed like a lovely woman, I didn't really want to go. However, I'm always blowing Adam off, and I feel bad about it, so I decided I would go as long as we didn't stay terribly long.

I had a terrible time, honestly. I didn't fit in with anyone there. Adam was the only person who was invited from their work, so he only knew Liz and me. I only knew him, and when he drinks, he likes to say inappropriate things to me - so a wine-drinking party wasn't the greatest idea. Anyway, Liz was very nice to me, but I just didn't fit in at all. These were suburban married people - dress up to go to Polaris people - have a wine and cheese party with the in-laws people. I just sat there sipping my red wine and counting minutes until an acceptible time to whine about being tired. The party people kept getting tipsier and I just felt more and more alone.

On top of that, I kept getting drunken phone calls from people on the East Coast whom I love very much, but were leaving me feel lonely. They were all together, fitting in, having a wonderful time. I didn't really want to hear about how "boobs float" when I was introducing myself to Liz's grandmother. The calls didn't really make sense, and the connection was bad. Adam took the phone. The saddest part was getting three phone calls in one night from someone who never calls me sober anymore. Aah well - the price I pay for moving away and not moving back, I suppose.

I'm glad that Shani's birthday surprise was my Jennifer, though I'm envious both of their company and hers. Aah well. We all have off nights.

Happy birthday, Shani. Love you guys.

I love singing this song out loud. I draw a jackal-headed woman in the sand; sing of a lover's fate sealed by jealous hate, and then wash my hands in the sea. With just three days more, I have just about learned the entire score to Aida...

I still recall the things you said to make me feel alright.

As I lay me down to sleep, this I pray:
that you will hold me, dear. Though I'm far away,
I whisper your name into the sky,
and I will wake up happy.

I can't explain it. I can't describe it. I can't even rationalize it away. All I know is that a month ago a part of me was missing, and now it's not. The only drawback is that I'm not ready for this yet. Again. I know, I know, I'm my own worst enemy, right? This time, though, everything's on the table, out in the open. There's something comforting and wonderful about that.

On Saturday I'm getting up at 4am to fly out of here at 6. I get to Newark at 9am so I can accompany a girl on her big moving trip. [puppy eyes] Anyone want to drive me to the airport at like 4:45am? [/puppy eyes] And as of right now, nearly 11pm on Sunday 6 October, there's only giddy excitement. Yay.

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I love Schmidt's Sausage Haus.

And that is all.

(Oh, and thanks to Seany Sean and Barty Bart for having yummy snausages with me!)