The last lazy day

So I have to go back to work tomorrow, and actually have an 8am home visit scheduled (was I nuts?). We're supposed to get some sort of snowstorm tomorrow but I'm not sure if it's supposed to start early in the morning or what. Maybe the public schools will cancel and then my playgroup will be cancelled. That would ease me back into working, maybe.

I have to babysit tonight, and I need to stop in at the office to pick up some stuff. I'm also supposed to finish the laundry and take the ornaments off the tree. And address all the thank-you cards. I guess this isn't much of a day off after all, although I /am/ still in my pajamas and watching game shows with Daedalus.

I guess I should get started on all that stuff.

~//~

Resolutions for 2006:

• Better self care: Gym, less obligations, call therapist.


• Fertility clinic to find out baby possibilities and overall health.


• Finish Dad's stuff, clean house, sell house.


• Relocate to western Mass, become homeowners!


• Have one of us be pregnant before the end of the year.


• See friends more.

That should be enough.

Marriage

Well, my fairly lengthy vacation is coming to an end. I went into work for about 15 minutes to check voicemail and pick up some things I need to bring to my 8am home visit tomorrow, and in about 20 minutes I'll be heading down the street to babysit, so I suppose slackitude is officially over. It's funny, I don't really want to go to work but it was kind of comforting to walk back into the building. After 1.5 years I'm definitely comfortable with pretty much everything about the job, including the building. I could walk it with my eyes shut, and there's something to be said for that.

I've learned quite a bit over my vacation, which started on 12-23 and was chock full of family, both mine and hers - a good five days with hers in Florida sandwiched on both sides by some time with mine. There are definite differences in the ways that each family interacts with each other, different dynamics in conversation and relationship, and both are dysfunctional in entirely unique ways. I guess no family is unique in that respect.

Vacation was educational, but 2005 in general taught me an awful lot about my marriage, which is always awesome. This year I learned that a marriage license is more than a piece of paper, and though Jennifer and I exchanged rings several years ago, there was something inherently powerful about being legally bound together by the Commonwealth in the middle of City Hall. It was an actual feeling somewhere in my body, and it was thrilling. That was nice.

Spending time with family and watching their interactions made me incredibly thankful that Jennifer and I haven't gone into that awful place where you can treat people poorly and be mean to them because they're family and they're not going anywhere. I remarked such to Steve on the phone after Christmas, and I am /still/ thankful. We have all of the commitment without the taking advantage - at least not /yet/.

This year has also taught both of us some things that we really need to work on as a couple and some ways that our relationship could use some fine tuning. But even better than that is the fact that we're both 100% committed to putting the time and effort in to make that happen.

I had a lot of time to reflect on who we are, what we want, and what we mean to each other over the last week and a half, and I'm really glad I had that chance, because I ended the year feeling a peace I hadn't felt in a really long time. kjames mentioned once that there's something thrilling about someone being committed to you all the way down to their toes, and I'd take it one step further, I think. There's something absolutely exhilerating about being committed to someone else that way, to know with total certainty that this is what you want and who you want to achieve it with.

Dr. Lantz used to say that marriage was the Western path to enlightenment. I've always liked that sentiment, and I've always liked the idea of marriage. But now it's mine.

2005 can't ever be totally terrible, because I discovered marriage.