Judecorp.

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary (which is always bittersweet because it means my dad's death anniversary is right around the corner, since he died right after we got married) and I took Jen to this restaurant near our house called Tavern On the Hill which is (duh) up on this big hill and it looks out over the whole valley. The weather was gorgeous and the view was gorgeous and I meant to bring my camera which of course means that I forgot it. Damn. I took a picture of the view with my phone but that hardly matters.

Luka and Clara hung out with Punk for two hours while we were out and it was cute talking to them when we got home, because Luka was all, "We're JUST getting around to eating now," and "I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to clean up from dinner because things were crazy," and "Oops, I left the dirty diaper in the baby's room," and I a) remembered those crazy days of new parenting when everything felt like juggling and b) felt damned proud of myself that things run pretty seamlessly around here most evenings unless something random happens.

So basically I've been married for three years and am a kick-ass mama. Not too shabby for a couple of hours out. :)

MARRIAGE AMENDMENT DEFEATED IN MASSACHUSETTS, SUCKAHS!

This poor-sleeping thing is for the birds. I was actually yawning at work today, which NEVER happens. I mean, I run around after kids all day; I don't have time to yawn. I started yawning around 12:30pm and could not stop, all the way through the time that I dropped off my student at the T right before 6. My plan is to watch American Idol and then promptly go to bed. I figure if I'm going to wake up a million times in the early morning, I should get an earlier start and bank some sleep. We'll see how that goes. Once again, EVERYONE (staff and kids) at work is sick and I am trying not to feel doomed.

Two friends of mine have broken up, and even though we're not really great, really close friends, my heart just breaks for them. It is so hard for me when people I know break up, especially people I've only known as couples or who have been couples for a long time. So, friends, my heart goes out to you and you can definitely call on me if you need anything at all. <3

My marriage is rocky at times, and there are definitely times when I think, "Dear god, what were we /thinking/??!?!" but as always I am in awe of Jen and the person she is, and I am especially in awe of our commitment. It's tough stuff and I hope I continue to have the stamina to weather the rough spots in order to keep getting to the good ones. We're embarking on an exciting journey and I can't think of anyone else I'd like to plug through with. Yay.

Why is it that I was positively EXHAUSTED all freaking day and now I've got that nighttime wired thing going on? Argh!

p.s. Ace is still hot. I'd totally make out with him hardcore.

Well, my fairly lengthy vacation is coming to an end. I went into work for about 15 minutes to check voicemail and pick up some things I need to bring to my 8am home visit tomorrow, and in about 20 minutes I'll be heading down the street to babysit, so I suppose slackitude is officially over. It's funny, I don't really want to go to work but it was kind of comforting to walk back into the building. After 1.5 years I'm definitely comfortable with pretty much everything about the job, including the building. I could walk it with my eyes shut, and there's something to be said for that.

I've learned quite a bit over my vacation, which started on 12-23 and was chock full of family, both mine and hers - a good five days with hers in Florida sandwiched on both sides by some time with mine. There are definite differences in the ways that each family interacts with each other, different dynamics in conversation and relationship, and both are dysfunctional in entirely unique ways. I guess no family is unique in that respect.

Vacation was educational, but 2005 in general taught me an awful lot about my marriage, which is always awesome. This year I learned that a marriage license is more than a piece of paper, and though Jennifer and I exchanged rings several years ago, there was something inherently powerful about being legally bound together by the Commonwealth in the middle of City Hall. It was an actual feeling somewhere in my body, and it was thrilling. That was nice.

Spending time with family and watching their interactions made me incredibly thankful that Jennifer and I haven't gone into that awful place where you can treat people poorly and be mean to them because they're family and they're not going anywhere. I remarked such to Steve on the phone after Christmas, and I am /still/ thankful. We have all of the commitment without the taking advantage - at least not /yet/.

This year has also taught both of us some things that we really need to work on as a couple and some ways that our relationship could use some fine tuning. But even better than that is the fact that we're both 100% committed to putting the time and effort in to make that happen.

I had a lot of time to reflect on who we are, what we want, and what we mean to each other over the last week and a half, and I'm really glad I had that chance, because I ended the year feeling a peace I hadn't felt in a really long time. kjames mentioned once that there's something thrilling about someone being committed to you all the way down to their toes, and I'd take it one step further, I think. There's something absolutely exhilerating about being committed to someone else that way, to know with total certainty that this is what you want and who you want to achieve it with.

Dr. Lantz used to say that marriage was the Western path to enlightenment. I've always liked that sentiment, and I've always liked the idea of marriage. But now it's mine.

2005 can't ever be totally terrible, because I discovered marriage.