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PITA Birth Records
Jun. 11th, 2007 02:10 pm(x-posted to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
july2007babies, sorry if you see it twice)
Oh, what a huge PITA.
So today Jen and I got a stack of papers we were supposed to get two months ago with a bunch of papers we'll need to bring to our birth center. You know, like releases and stuff. Well, one of them is a "birth certificate worksheet" and there's a whole bunch of info on "Mother of the Child" and then a whole bunch of info on "Father of the Child." Then on another sheet of paper there was a phone number and "Call Michelle with questions," so I did. Hello, Michelle.
Jen and I were a little baffled because a) we are not putting any "Father of the Child" information on our birth certificate, but b) Jen and I are married and therefore she is also legally responsible for our kid.
According to Michelle, what WE are supposed to do with our birth certificate information is this:
1. I am supposed to cross out everything that says "Father" and write in "Second Parent." (How professional.) And make sure that I check the box that says I am married.
2. When the kid is born, the birth center - instead of just sending the forms to the Town Clerk for immediate processing - has to fax my crossed-out document to the Records Department in Boston so they can check it over.
3. Then, our paperwork has to GO TO COURT in Boston so that a judge can "decide what to do with it." It is up to the judge whether they put the second parent information on or not.
"Michelle, what does the judge usually do?" Apparently the judge USUALLY puts the second parent on the birth certificate.
USUALLY? Like, sometimes the judge can just decide NOT to? Oh holy hell, Michelle, you say all of this with such a chipper voice and I just want to strangle you with my telephone cord.
july2007babies, sorry if you see it twice)Oh, what a huge PITA.
So today Jen and I got a stack of papers we were supposed to get two months ago with a bunch of papers we'll need to bring to our birth center. You know, like releases and stuff. Well, one of them is a "birth certificate worksheet" and there's a whole bunch of info on "Mother of the Child" and then a whole bunch of info on "Father of the Child." Then on another sheet of paper there was a phone number and "Call Michelle with questions," so I did. Hello, Michelle.
Jen and I were a little baffled because a) we are not putting any "Father of the Child" information on our birth certificate, but b) Jen and I are married and therefore she is also legally responsible for our kid.
According to Michelle, what WE are supposed to do with our birth certificate information is this:
1. I am supposed to cross out everything that says "Father" and write in "Second Parent." (How professional.) And make sure that I check the box that says I am married.
2. When the kid is born, the birth center - instead of just sending the forms to the Town Clerk for immediate processing - has to fax my crossed-out document to the Records Department in Boston so they can check it over.
3. Then, our paperwork has to GO TO COURT in Boston so that a judge can "decide what to do with it." It is up to the judge whether they put the second parent information on or not.
"Michelle, what does the judge usually do?" Apparently the judge USUALLY puts the second parent on the birth certificate.
USUALLY? Like, sometimes the judge can just decide NOT to? Oh holy hell, Michelle, you say all of this with such a chipper voice and I just want to strangle you with my telephone cord.
So tell me about the guy...
Mar. 22nd, 2006 07:31 amSo what IS behind all the curiosity of who our donor is? No less than 12 people have asked me questions inquiring about the guy, what he looks like, etc. I'm not really sure what to make of it all. Part of me thinks maybe people are just being curious and asking questions (and maybe I would do the same thing) and the other part of me gets kind of weirded out.
I mean, as far as I'm concerned, there's no GUY involved. There were a bunch of .pdf profiles that we looked at to check health records, hair/eye color, etc. There's an encrypted number and I called the bank, I inquired about availability of the number, and I arranged an order. There's no name, no face, no personality profile, no favorite song. It's not a real person. It's a couple of tiny vials of stuff that my wife and I hope to use to make a baby. Our baby.
I guess it's sort of natural curiosity to want to know more details, but the part of me that is weirded out is the part that's incredibly protective of Jen. This is HER potential child, and anything that leaves her out, even a little bit, obviously raises my hackles. I dread the day when we're actually pregnant and the question changes from, "Who's the guy?" to "Who's the father?" I can't decide if I'll answer with, "Jen" or with something snarkier.
If we were using a known donor, perhaps there could be more talk about the guy. ("A friend," I could say, or, "This acquaintance of mine.") But it's not even like that. Jen felt much more comfortable using a totally anonymous bunch of words in a bank, and so we're paying the hefty price to have that anonymity, to /not/ have the presence of a guy, you know? There's just me and Jen. And hopefully a baby.
And what about this guy, right? Well, as far as I'm concerned, as long as he's healthy and his sperm is viable, who cares? He doesn't matter to me in the slightest. It's just a fertility treatment expense, just like the meds will be, just like the IUIs will be. There's nothing to tell.
~//~
So, to be fair, those of you who have ever thought about asking "about the guy," let me hear your side (if you want). What brought about the question? Why would you want to know? What would you be hoping to hear? Inquiring minds want to know.
I mean, as far as I'm concerned, there's no GUY involved. There were a bunch of .pdf profiles that we looked at to check health records, hair/eye color, etc. There's an encrypted number and I called the bank, I inquired about availability of the number, and I arranged an order. There's no name, no face, no personality profile, no favorite song. It's not a real person. It's a couple of tiny vials of stuff that my wife and I hope to use to make a baby. Our baby.
I guess it's sort of natural curiosity to want to know more details, but the part of me that is weirded out is the part that's incredibly protective of Jen. This is HER potential child, and anything that leaves her out, even a little bit, obviously raises my hackles. I dread the day when we're actually pregnant and the question changes from, "Who's the guy?" to "Who's the father?" I can't decide if I'll answer with, "Jen" or with something snarkier.
If we were using a known donor, perhaps there could be more talk about the guy. ("A friend," I could say, or, "This acquaintance of mine.") But it's not even like that. Jen felt much more comfortable using a totally anonymous bunch of words in a bank, and so we're paying the hefty price to have that anonymity, to /not/ have the presence of a guy, you know? There's just me and Jen. And hopefully a baby.
And what about this guy, right? Well, as far as I'm concerned, as long as he's healthy and his sperm is viable, who cares? He doesn't matter to me in the slightest. It's just a fertility treatment expense, just like the meds will be, just like the IUIs will be. There's nothing to tell.
~//~
So, to be fair, those of you who have ever thought about asking "about the guy," let me hear your side (if you want). What brought about the question? Why would you want to know? What would you be hoping to hear? Inquiring minds want to know.
Survivor grrrr
Oct. 13th, 2005 09:43 pmWe used to be big Stephenie fans in our house, but today she busted out the forbidden "that's so gay" to describe another player's stupid behavior and that's it - she's out of our fan club.
Sayonara, Stephenie. You and your homophobic whininess can leave Guatemala at any time. We'll start rooting for Amy instead.
Sayonara, Stephenie. You and your homophobic whininess can leave Guatemala at any time. We'll start rooting for Amy instead.
Special rights
Oct. 7th, 2005 04:10 pmOkay, you know what really pisses me off?
The conservative argument that revolves around the fact that GLBT folks aren't excluded from marriage, as they can marry any opposite-sex partner they want, just like everyone else.
It makes me so angry I can't even form coherent sentences. What kind of cold-hearted arrogance leads someone to claim that it is not discriminative (is that a word?) to forbid someone from marrying the partner of his/her/hir choice? I suppose it's easy to smugly make such a statement when the current law is on your side. After all, most of the people making the statements have the state-given go-ahead to marry /their/ chosen partners.
It's the arrogance that kills me - the claim that same-sex marriage rights are "special" rights because queers are already allowed to marry - just maybe not the person they'd choose. That just seems so mean-spirited to me that it breaks my heart. Just hearing the words crushes me. How can you even rationally /discuss/ something like that - that it's perfectly okay to let /some/ people marry partners of their choosing and tell other people they can't... but can choose this other person that isn't in their league?
The whole thing makes me want to throw up.
The conservative argument that revolves around the fact that GLBT folks aren't excluded from marriage, as they can marry any opposite-sex partner they want, just like everyone else.
It makes me so angry I can't even form coherent sentences. What kind of cold-hearted arrogance leads someone to claim that it is not discriminative (is that a word?) to forbid someone from marrying the partner of his/her/hir choice? I suppose it's easy to smugly make such a statement when the current law is on your side. After all, most of the people making the statements have the state-given go-ahead to marry /their/ chosen partners.
It's the arrogance that kills me - the claim that same-sex marriage rights are "special" rights because queers are already allowed to marry - just maybe not the person they'd choose. That just seems so mean-spirited to me that it breaks my heart. Just hearing the words crushes me. How can you even rationally /discuss/ something like that - that it's perfectly okay to let /some/ people marry partners of their choosing and tell other people they can't... but can choose this other person that isn't in their league?
The whole thing makes me want to throw up.
Legal protections
Sep. 26th, 2005 05:42 pmIs it really too much to ask that Jen or I can get a good job in a place that doesn't hate us? That would be nice.
I have such mixed feelings about this whole "pen dealer job in Florida" thing. There is a part of me that just wants My Jennifer to throw all caution to the wind and try to take advantage of this career opportunity. After all, she should definitely be in a job that doesn't simply involve being a retail slave, and she has far more talent and skills than that. I think she would like this sort of job and it is certainly a step up from where she is now, while at the same time would make what she's doing now an actual stepping stone instead of just a sucky retail job.
But then there's the part of me that just wants to mope and yell, "RUN AWAAAAAY!" I really think I /could/ manage living somewhere where we weren't married and didn't have the legal protections and recognition of our family, but I think about what a challenge that would be and it breaks my heart. I think about all of the plans we have, and how she's been trying so hard to find a job that would pay enough to support us so that I could stay home for a while when we start having babies... and now she might find one but due to the HR policies and the stupid laws, I wouldn't be able to stay home because I would need to work so I could have health insurance. And then there's the whole "if one of us had a baby, the other would have no legal claim to the baby without a whole lot of possibly unrecognized legal documentation" thing that just plain makes my heart hurt.
Part of me doesn't want to leave Massachusetts ever ever ever, for a lot of personally selfish reasons but also for the legal protections. I would give up the selfish things in a heartbeat if this is the best thing for Jen and for us, but the legal stuff? We've had it for so little time but it's already meant so much.
Ugh. I hate this, big time. The same discussions come up again and again when we talk about Columbus... except that Columbus didn't come with a possible Good Job for Jen.
I have such mixed feelings about this whole "pen dealer job in Florida" thing. There is a part of me that just wants My Jennifer to throw all caution to the wind and try to take advantage of this career opportunity. After all, she should definitely be in a job that doesn't simply involve being a retail slave, and she has far more talent and skills than that. I think she would like this sort of job and it is certainly a step up from where she is now, while at the same time would make what she's doing now an actual stepping stone instead of just a sucky retail job.
But then there's the part of me that just wants to mope and yell, "RUN AWAAAAAY!" I really think I /could/ manage living somewhere where we weren't married and didn't have the legal protections and recognition of our family, but I think about what a challenge that would be and it breaks my heart. I think about all of the plans we have, and how she's been trying so hard to find a job that would pay enough to support us so that I could stay home for a while when we start having babies... and now she might find one but due to the HR policies and the stupid laws, I wouldn't be able to stay home because I would need to work so I could have health insurance. And then there's the whole "if one of us had a baby, the other would have no legal claim to the baby without a whole lot of possibly unrecognized legal documentation" thing that just plain makes my heart hurt.
Part of me doesn't want to leave Massachusetts ever ever ever, for a lot of personally selfish reasons but also for the legal protections. I would give up the selfish things in a heartbeat if this is the best thing for Jen and for us, but the legal stuff? We've had it for so little time but it's already meant so much.
Ugh. I hate this, big time. The same discussions come up again and again when we talk about Columbus... except that Columbus didn't come with a possible Good Job for Jen.
A good post about work, for once.
Aug. 25th, 2005 07:43 pmOkay, so two totally cool things happened at work today:
Also, I am so excited that I worked like a dog up until today so I could flex tomorrow off to take Grandma to the casino! Hooray for days off without having to use vacation time! I billed 26 hours in 4 days!
1. Since I've been a totally stressed-out space cadet for the past couple ofdaysweeksmonths, I managed to schedule an assessment with a family today but forgot to post it on the assessment board to get two helpers. (We have to bring three people on an assessment.) I realized this at 12:45pm (it was a 1:00 assessment) when I couldn't remember who was doing the assessment with me and couldn't find the slip. By 1:00pm, with a little batting of the eyelashes, I had two people to take with me and we were out the door!
2. One of the people I conned into coming with was one of our new hires (we have 4 people starting in the next couple of weeks) and she is totally a lesbian. YAY, I'm no longer the Lone Queer at work!
Also, I am so excited that I worked like a dog up until today so I could flex tomorrow off to take Grandma to the casino! Hooray for days off without having to use vacation time! I billed 26 hours in 4 days!
I took advantage of my in-laws' satellite dish to watch several hours of Game Show Network, much to my MIL's dismay. I do believe her question was, "Why on earth are you watching those old game shows?" but I just can't help it - 1970s game shows are like crack to me. I could watch hours of Match Game 78 if it happened to be on. Thankfully we don't have GSN at home.
But dear gods, Charles Nelson Reilly was one fruity man. And Jm J Bullock on Hollywood Squares, too. They are quite possibly the two gayest specimins I have ever seen!
It's amazing to me how far we've come as a society, even though I'm always ranting about everything. To think that men like CNR and JJB, not to mention Liberace, could exist as gay icons but in this sort of pseudo-secret to the American viewing public. Nowadays at least we have the ability to complain about the portrayal of queer characters on television - that there are some to even discuss is progress... let alone enough to compare and contrast.
But I tell ya, Will and Jack, Brian and Justin, that boy on Dawson's Creek... they ain't got nothing on Charles Nelson Reilly in his big 70s sunglasses and his frickin' /ascot/.
But dear gods, Charles Nelson Reilly was one fruity man. And Jm J Bullock on Hollywood Squares, too. They are quite possibly the two gayest specimins I have ever seen!
It's amazing to me how far we've come as a society, even though I'm always ranting about everything. To think that men like CNR and JJB, not to mention Liberace, could exist as gay icons but in this sort of pseudo-secret to the American viewing public. Nowadays at least we have the ability to complain about the portrayal of queer characters on television - that there are some to even discuss is progress... let alone enough to compare and contrast.
But I tell ya, Will and Jack, Brian and Justin, that boy on Dawson's Creek... they ain't got nothing on Charles Nelson Reilly in his big 70s sunglasses and his frickin' /ascot/.
Vacation update
Jul. 3rd, 2005 02:09 pmOkay, I know it's a month away but I'm REALLY starting to get excited about our trip to Florida! It's been so long since Jen and I went on a vacation - an honest-to-goodness vacation where we can lounge by a pool, read a lot of books, etc. At first it wasn't a REAL vacation because we were going to spend the whole time at her parents' place, but the added enticement of Key West is really making this fun!
It's also fun to talk about things we'll need and it's stuff like bathing suits, sunscreen, flip flops. Wheeeee, beach trip! It's the closest thing to a tropical trip we'll get for a LONG time. (Especially if we start spawning soonish.) Gulf beaches! Perhaps a shark attack or two!
I found a women-only resort at the tip of Key West where we're going to stay for two nights, and I'm just giddy at the thought. Jen has always wanted to go on one of those women-only Olivia cruises so when she went to bed the other night, I found the next best thing. It is going to be so goofy fun to be at a bed and breakfast with two pools and some hot tubs and ONLY WOMEN. I can't even begin to explain how psyched I am about this. It is going to be so free and comfortable and wonderful, no one staring when we hold hands, no one staring when we kiss.
In honor of this, and my "who cares how much I weigh?" attitude, I bought my first ever two-piece bathing suit for our trip. (So yeah, maybe they WILL be staring! YOWZA!)
It's also fun to talk about things we'll need and it's stuff like bathing suits, sunscreen, flip flops. Wheeeee, beach trip! It's the closest thing to a tropical trip we'll get for a LONG time. (Especially if we start spawning soonish.) Gulf beaches! Perhaps a shark attack or two!
I found a women-only resort at the tip of Key West where we're going to stay for two nights, and I'm just giddy at the thought. Jen has always wanted to go on one of those women-only Olivia cruises so when she went to bed the other night, I found the next best thing. It is going to be so goofy fun to be at a bed and breakfast with two pools and some hot tubs and ONLY WOMEN. I can't even begin to explain how psyched I am about this. It is going to be so free and comfortable and wonderful, no one staring when we hold hands, no one staring when we kiss.
In honor of this, and my "who cares how much I weigh?" attitude, I bought my first ever two-piece bathing suit for our trip. (So yeah, maybe they WILL be staring! YOWZA!)
A sign of things to come
Jul. 1st, 2005 10:15 pmMy ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
smurfbrother has been going through my dad's office looking for important things and getting rid of unimportant things. (With my dad, many MANY of the things he kept were largely unimportant, since he was pretty afraid to throw anything out.) He has been really good about bringing over things that might have sentimental value to me, things like my elementary school photos and report cards and all of that.
Apparently, my father also had the penchant for collecting things that came out on the months my brother and I were born. Things like, oh, Playboy magazines. You know, the important stuff.
Did you know that the cover art and issue theme of the October 1975 Playboy is Sappho: Stunning Portraits of Women in Love?
Destiny.
smurfbrother has been going through my dad's office looking for important things and getting rid of unimportant things. (With my dad, many MANY of the things he kept were largely unimportant, since he was pretty afraid to throw anything out.) He has been really good about bringing over things that might have sentimental value to me, things like my elementary school photos and report cards and all of that.Apparently, my father also had the penchant for collecting things that came out on the months my brother and I were born. Things like, oh, Playboy magazines. You know, the important stuff.
Did you know that the cover art and issue theme of the October 1975 Playboy is Sappho: Stunning Portraits of Women in Love?
Destiny.
