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Where the boy at?
Feb. 21st, 2006 07:24 pmOne thing I noticed a bazillion years ago when I started getting involved in the genderqueer community was how many genderqueer people who were born female had been diagnosed with PCOS or other endocrine conditions. It's not really surprising, since PCOS raises androgen levels and throws off female hormones and all of that... but I'd never made that connection until I started hearing how many people had it. Treatment for PCOS used to just pretty much consist of birth control pills to regulate menstrual cycles, but that didn't really work for me. BCPs kind of turned me into a monster - I had these horrific mood swings and got really REALLY angry. Out of nowhere. I would be all happy-la-la and then I would just get totally pissed off. Or I would bust out crying because of some song on the radio. It was crazy. I was never so glad to ditch the BCPs. A. and I "risked" pregnancy for a long time because I refused to take BCPs anymore and wasn't really worried about getting pregnant, and life got much better.
The Metformin stuff seems to really be working, symptom-wise. I mean, I dropped a bunch of weight, I get my period every once in a while, and my insulin and testosterone levels have gone down into the normal range. But something has changed, something I haven't really been writing about but have definitely been thinking about.
I seem to be losing a lot of the boy in me, and that kind of bums me out. I'm guessing it's probably due to reduced androgen levels but I hate the idea that my identity and who I feel I am can be reduced to hormones. That's crazy! But it sure seems to be true.
It seems so strange to see older photos from when Jen and I got together. Now I have this froo-froo hair (which does look quite cool, I have to admit) and the lost weight means I don't fit into most of my boy pants anymore and I end up wearing these (very flattering) girly low-rise pants and stuff. It's crazy! So I have this girl hair and girl clothes and talk about baby-making and eeek, what happened to me?
I talk to my coworkers about passing as male a few years ago and no one believes me, and now I feel like I'm losing some of that genderqueer identity that I liked so much, that I felt so at home in. Only it doesn't feel very at home anymore. The idea that I have ever been a boy seems kind of like a sham. All this because of hormones?
This isn't very well developed or coherent, I know. It's just been on my mind. Thoughts?
The Metformin stuff seems to really be working, symptom-wise. I mean, I dropped a bunch of weight, I get my period every once in a while, and my insulin and testosterone levels have gone down into the normal range. But something has changed, something I haven't really been writing about but have definitely been thinking about.
I seem to be losing a lot of the boy in me, and that kind of bums me out. I'm guessing it's probably due to reduced androgen levels but I hate the idea that my identity and who I feel I am can be reduced to hormones. That's crazy! But it sure seems to be true.
It seems so strange to see older photos from when Jen and I got together. Now I have this froo-froo hair (which does look quite cool, I have to admit) and the lost weight means I don't fit into most of my boy pants anymore and I end up wearing these (very flattering) girly low-rise pants and stuff. It's crazy! So I have this girl hair and girl clothes and talk about baby-making and eeek, what happened to me?
I talk to my coworkers about passing as male a few years ago and no one believes me, and now I feel like I'm losing some of that genderqueer identity that I liked so much, that I felt so at home in. Only it doesn't feel very at home anymore. The idea that I have ever been a boy seems kind of like a sham. All this because of hormones?
This isn't very well developed or coherent, I know. It's just been on my mind. Thoughts?
