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So tell me about the guy...
Mar. 22nd, 2006 07:31 amSo what IS behind all the curiosity of who our donor is? No less than 12 people have asked me questions inquiring about the guy, what he looks like, etc. I'm not really sure what to make of it all. Part of me thinks maybe people are just being curious and asking questions (and maybe I would do the same thing) and the other part of me gets kind of weirded out.
I mean, as far as I'm concerned, there's no GUY involved. There were a bunch of .pdf profiles that we looked at to check health records, hair/eye color, etc. There's an encrypted number and I called the bank, I inquired about availability of the number, and I arranged an order. There's no name, no face, no personality profile, no favorite song. It's not a real person. It's a couple of tiny vials of stuff that my wife and I hope to use to make a baby. Our baby.
I guess it's sort of natural curiosity to want to know more details, but the part of me that is weirded out is the part that's incredibly protective of Jen. This is HER potential child, and anything that leaves her out, even a little bit, obviously raises my hackles. I dread the day when we're actually pregnant and the question changes from, "Who's the guy?" to "Who's the father?" I can't decide if I'll answer with, "Jen" or with something snarkier.
If we were using a known donor, perhaps there could be more talk about the guy. ("A friend," I could say, or, "This acquaintance of mine.") But it's not even like that. Jen felt much more comfortable using a totally anonymous bunch of words in a bank, and so we're paying the hefty price to have that anonymity, to /not/ have the presence of a guy, you know? There's just me and Jen. And hopefully a baby.
And what about this guy, right? Well, as far as I'm concerned, as long as he's healthy and his sperm is viable, who cares? He doesn't matter to me in the slightest. It's just a fertility treatment expense, just like the meds will be, just like the IUIs will be. There's nothing to tell.
~//~
So, to be fair, those of you who have ever thought about asking "about the guy," let me hear your side (if you want). What brought about the question? Why would you want to know? What would you be hoping to hear? Inquiring minds want to know.
I mean, as far as I'm concerned, there's no GUY involved. There were a bunch of .pdf profiles that we looked at to check health records, hair/eye color, etc. There's an encrypted number and I called the bank, I inquired about availability of the number, and I arranged an order. There's no name, no face, no personality profile, no favorite song. It's not a real person. It's a couple of tiny vials of stuff that my wife and I hope to use to make a baby. Our baby.
I guess it's sort of natural curiosity to want to know more details, but the part of me that is weirded out is the part that's incredibly protective of Jen. This is HER potential child, and anything that leaves her out, even a little bit, obviously raises my hackles. I dread the day when we're actually pregnant and the question changes from, "Who's the guy?" to "Who's the father?" I can't decide if I'll answer with, "Jen" or with something snarkier.
If we were using a known donor, perhaps there could be more talk about the guy. ("A friend," I could say, or, "This acquaintance of mine.") But it's not even like that. Jen felt much more comfortable using a totally anonymous bunch of words in a bank, and so we're paying the hefty price to have that anonymity, to /not/ have the presence of a guy, you know? There's just me and Jen. And hopefully a baby.
And what about this guy, right? Well, as far as I'm concerned, as long as he's healthy and his sperm is viable, who cares? He doesn't matter to me in the slightest. It's just a fertility treatment expense, just like the meds will be, just like the IUIs will be. There's nothing to tell.
~//~
So, to be fair, those of you who have ever thought about asking "about the guy," let me hear your side (if you want). What brought about the question? Why would you want to know? What would you be hoping to hear? Inquiring minds want to know.
