One whole year

I can't believe it's already been over a year since he's called me, since I saw him smile, since he gave me a hug. It's hard to imagine that the time has flown by, especially with phone calls, since he used to call and harass me all the time. About television, about not calling, whatever. Amusing banter. I can't believe it's now been a year since we gave up almost all of our weekends to clean out the house and make sure my grandparents don't get too lonely.

When I saw him a year ago, yesterday and today, he was a bloated shadow of who he was, a mess of tubes and wires and beeps and false breaths. He was a stubborn man who didn't really understand that going to the doctor is admirable and waiting things out is foolish. It seems so crazy and yet not crazy all at the same time.

We definitely had our ups and downs throughout our time together, but our time ended on ups so in a way that's all that matters. I'll always remember the time we sat on the short-lived patio when I was 18 and he apologized for letting his anger get in the way of his parenting, when he said in the same breath that he was and has always been proud of me. I remember the first time he gave Jen a hug, and when he asked her to dance at my brother's wedding so that he could try to make her feel better about my grandmother's insensitive comment. I remember being perched on his shoulders, endless baseball games, that crazy trip to New York when our cabbie hit Jimmy DiPardo on the butt, riding on the gas tank of the motorcycle when I was too small (and too young) to occupy the back seat. Most of all, though, I can always remember how much he loved me - and know in my heart that it was true.

You weren't the greatest dad, but you were MY dad, and I can't believe I've been missing you for a whole year already.

Flashback, June 2004

dadgrandpa
Originally uploaded by judecorp.

Jen and I had just moved to Boston a few weeks prior, but we splurged and spent gaggles of money that we didn't have (we didn't have jobs yet) to get 4 tickets to an afternoon Red Sox game - Father's Day presents for my father and grandfather. Grandpa, Dad, my brother and I caught at least one Sox game every summer with the Freemasons and numerous games in Pawtucket (Red Sox AA team) when I was a young person. The Masons stopped taking trips when I was a teenager because it was getting too expensive.

At the time, it seemed so important to do this, to buy these tickets and convince my dad to drive my grandfather up, because we didn't know if we'd ever get another chance to go to a game with my grandfather. He's 88, after all, and though he is pretty healthy you just never know. We didn't want to miss an opportunity to have a Fenway Father's Day with Grandpa and regret it later.

I didn't know how wrong and how right I was. The Sox finally won a World Series in 2004 and the team was positively on fire. The crowd was crazy. We had a great time. It was the last Father's Day gift I would ever buy for my Dad.

And I think it was possibly his favorite.