Status Update

Wow, I never expected to have this type of journal.

The bleeding kind of ebbed and flowed (HA HA, get it?) throughout yesterday and into the night. I attempted to go to bed because I was feeling pretty good at the time and just wanted to get the night over with. As soon as I laid down I started to get hit with monster cramps and heavy bleeding. When Jen came to bed a little over an hour later, I told her what was going on, and after about a half hour more, she insisted that I go to the ER because she was worried I was bleeding too much. I didn't really want to go to the ER because I didn't think they could/would do anything, but she was really concerned and hey, maybe they would have an answer.

It was a total waste of time. They took a million vials of blood from me and told me to strip down to a gown and wait so I could have an internal exam. I was bleeding like a stuck pig and was not able to wear anything! It was the most disgusting experience of my life. About two hours later, the doctor came in with my lab results (everything fine except an elevated white count which he thought was due to stress). Then the proceeded to do the worst internal exam of my life - it was obvious that he doesn't have a lot of experience with such things because he didn't give any warning. He was like, "Okay, you will feel my hands on the outside," (or whatever) and the next thing I knew he was jamming in the speculum with /no/ warning. Awful.

Anyway, I don't know what the point of the internal was. He didn't tell me if my cervix was open, only that I had quite a lot of blood up there (DUH) and some clotting but no evidence of any fetal tissue. Then he told me they didn't have an ultrasound person there in the middle of the night but he would get a nurse to try a doppler.

The nurse could not find a heartbeat on the doppler, but kept making sure to say it could just be too early to hear the heartbeat on the outside. But with everything else going on, we are not holding on to much hope. The doctor called the on call at my practice and the doctor on call told my doctor to have me call in a few hours and they would have me in for an ultrasound. I knew this was bogus because I know the sonographer is out today.

But I called this morning a little after 10:00 (we got some sleep after getting in at 5:00) and at 11:45, no one had called me back. I called AGAIN and they transferred me to someone immediately who told me I could come in at 4:00 and one of the OBs could give me an ultrasound. So that's the plan.

The odd thing is that since I got home at 5:00, I haven't had any bleeding. This is seriously the most surreal thing that has ever happened to me. How could I be gushing blood and having cramps for hours and then... nothing?

And then my mom called today, ostensibly to thank us for our Christmas gift (Omaha Steaks) but of course she called while I was waiting for the nurse to call back. I called her back after and she spent at least 20 minutes crying about how she didn't want me to hemorrhage and die because I was her baby and asking if I wanted her to fly out here. The sentiment was nice but all the effort of trying to convince her that I was not dying did nothing to help my stress level.

So I guess it all comes down to 4:00. I just want to know if we have a baby or not. And if not, I am going to see if I can get this all taken care of. And if so, I am going to see if I can get some answers.

Testing Fate Once Again

We had another ultrasound today. With an OB. The head of the practice, actually. He was awfully nice.

He wanted to do an internal ultrasound today. It was painful because of the awful internal I had in the inky morning. But...

Our baby is totally hanging in there. I don't know how that's possible, but s/he was doing that fetus thing. He didn't take measurements or measure the heart rate, but there was definitely a heartbeat, and eyes (with eyelids!), and because it was an internal you could really see the individual fingers. Wacky.

He couldn't find any evidence of the subchorionic hematoma and couldn't find a physical reason for the bleeding. His theory is that my body is really confused by the lost twin, because it hasn't started to reabsorb at all. He thinks my body doesn't know what to do with it. I don't know if that's true but whatever. He said we were definitely not out of the woods, especially with the heavy bleeding, but that he would expect that if we were going to miscarry, it would have happened already. But he was very cautious.

He wanted to bump my appointment up a week but because of scheduling, I'm going in on Friday, Jan 5 instead of Monday, Jan 9. So not too much different, but he wants me to have another ultrasound done as well.

We're still bleeding today, possibly from the jarring internal ultrasound, but we're hopeful at least for today. We're thinking of renting a doppler to put our minds at ease, even though I swore I would never do that.

Aah, Mom.

Also, my mom still thinks I'm dying. It's so crazy.

When I was with the doctor, I said to him (I am not kidding), "So my mom is being crazy and is worried that I'm going to hemorrhage and die. What can I tell her?" He said, "Tell your mother that you are not dying."

So I call my mom and say, "I'm not dying. The doctor says I am not dying. Okay?" and she says, "If he is wrong, I will sue!"

Sheesh, I knew my mom could get a little, erm, emotional sometimes, but I seriously didn't know it was this bad. She was looking up flights and telling me I was going to hemorrhage and die! I tried to convince her that if I was bleeding enough to hemorrhage I would go back to the doctor, but I think she is dubious. As if I want to die in a puddle of nasty blood.