I really need to kiss someone. SOON.
Aug. 5th, 2002 12:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpI have another job interview now. A woman from Faith Mission called this morning saying that my resume had gotten stuck to the back of someone else's and she just saw it. I'm not all that sure about the job - I'll really need to hear more about it because it's case management with the homeless and I'm not so sure how I feel about how well I can serve that population, but she did say she could come up with the salary I wanted. (It's sad that I'm doing cartwheels about $30,000/year.)
I was awakened early this morning by the phone call from Faith Mission, and decided to stay awake and watch one of my Netflix movies that I'd been hanging onto for a while, Black and White.
It got me thinking, not about race, but about manipulation. I started to wonder about the things I do, the things that other people do. Everything that everyone does has some sort of motivation behind it. I mean, we wouldn't do something if we weren't motivated in some way to do it. Sometimes the motivation is good, sometimes not so good. Everything that we are motivated to do, though, has consequences.
It's interesting to me that everything that I do is linked to other people in both directions. My decisions are influenced by things other people have done/said to me, and in turn, my decisions influence what other people will do/say. It makes me feel oddly powerful in a way that I don't know that I like. I tend to worry that things I do will influence people in ways I didn't intend, and I get overly paranoid about it. Mel tells me that I analyze things too much. She's certainly not the first person to tell me that.
For example, last week a friend of mine came to me really upset about something. In the time spent processing the event, my opinions became apparent. As my friend continued processing what was upsetting her, it seemed like some of her opinions were running parallel with mine, and I got to wondering, "Did something that I say influence her? Did I change the way she felt about her situation?" Maybe I'm paranoid, I just don't want to really influence anyone's feelings.
And it happens in the other direction, too. In my everyday existance, I'm really happy being alone, being single, being unattached. I'm enjoying my freedom, but more than that, I can completely rationally see that this is best for me, that I need this, that this is the right thing to do. But all I need is to get a phone call from Jennifer and I so easily slip into the old dynamic of being her girlfriend, it's frightening. But what's /more/ frightening is how comfortable it is and how easy it is to do it. Within five minutes of the phone call, I start thinking about things all over again: How could we make this work? Am I /sure/ we made the right choices? etc. It's almost as if just the sound of her voice, the proximity of our thought processes to each other's, can tip my rationality upside down. But then we hang up the phone, and I go right back to realizing that we did, indeed, make the right choices even though they're difficult.
The point was manipulation. Aren't these little influences subtle manipulations? Are all manipulations bad? I mean, the root definition of manipulation, really, is to influence, to work with the hands. I used to talk about manipulating energy to make magick, to manipulate energy to create change. Isn't that what we're all doing in our interactions, in our relationships - manipulating energy between people?
I think I need a new word for manipulation with malicious intent so I don't get all hung up on manipulating people. Of /course/ I manipulate people. I'm a therapist, for crying out loud - it's my job to help people change, to help people help themselves. I am a professional manipulator, in a positive way. As opposed to, say, fucking with people.
Yes. I am a manipulator. Not a people-fucker-wither. Yeah.
I was awakened early this morning by the phone call from Faith Mission, and decided to stay awake and watch one of my Netflix movies that I'd been hanging onto for a while, Black and White.
It got me thinking, not about race, but about manipulation. I started to wonder about the things I do, the things that other people do. Everything that everyone does has some sort of motivation behind it. I mean, we wouldn't do something if we weren't motivated in some way to do it. Sometimes the motivation is good, sometimes not so good. Everything that we are motivated to do, though, has consequences.
It's interesting to me that everything that I do is linked to other people in both directions. My decisions are influenced by things other people have done/said to me, and in turn, my decisions influence what other people will do/say. It makes me feel oddly powerful in a way that I don't know that I like. I tend to worry that things I do will influence people in ways I didn't intend, and I get overly paranoid about it. Mel tells me that I analyze things too much. She's certainly not the first person to tell me that.
For example, last week a friend of mine came to me really upset about something. In the time spent processing the event, my opinions became apparent. As my friend continued processing what was upsetting her, it seemed like some of her opinions were running parallel with mine, and I got to wondering, "Did something that I say influence her? Did I change the way she felt about her situation?" Maybe I'm paranoid, I just don't want to really influence anyone's feelings.
And it happens in the other direction, too. In my everyday existance, I'm really happy being alone, being single, being unattached. I'm enjoying my freedom, but more than that, I can completely rationally see that this is best for me, that I need this, that this is the right thing to do. But all I need is to get a phone call from Jennifer and I so easily slip into the old dynamic of being her girlfriend, it's frightening. But what's /more/ frightening is how comfortable it is and how easy it is to do it. Within five minutes of the phone call, I start thinking about things all over again: How could we make this work? Am I /sure/ we made the right choices? etc. It's almost as if just the sound of her voice, the proximity of our thought processes to each other's, can tip my rationality upside down. But then we hang up the phone, and I go right back to realizing that we did, indeed, make the right choices even though they're difficult.
The point was manipulation. Aren't these little influences subtle manipulations? Are all manipulations bad? I mean, the root definition of manipulation, really, is to influence, to work with the hands. I used to talk about manipulating energy to make magick, to manipulate energy to create change. Isn't that what we're all doing in our interactions, in our relationships - manipulating energy between people?
I think I need a new word for manipulation with malicious intent so I don't get all hung up on manipulating people. Of /course/ I manipulate people. I'm a therapist, for crying out loud - it's my job to help people change, to help people help themselves. I am a professional manipulator, in a positive way. As opposed to, say, fucking with people.
Yes. I am a manipulator. Not a people-fucker-wither. Yeah.
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no subject
Date: 2002-08-05 09:30 am (UTC)That's why I couldn't permit myself to let him hold me that night. Because the meat remembers and everything else, gut, gonads and all, falls in behind it.
Manipulate has such a negative meaning though -- what about shape or mold? I used to man a counselling hotline in college so I understand where you're coming from -- but we are meant to guide people to finding out what they really want to do; what's best for them. The questions I've found most handy are "What do you hope to accomplish by doing this?", "What are your options?", and "How would you like this situation to resolve itself?"
I miss it sometimes -- maybe I should look into volunteering again.
no subject
Date: 2002-08-05 11:26 am (UTC)You should totally volunteer again, if you want to. I love volunteering, personally. Matter of fact, I'm volunteering today at 4. :)
But yes, the meat remembers. And so do the ears.
no subject
Date: 2002-08-05 11:27 am (UTC)2)
i read your post there.
i do believe, my dear friend,
that you're a cynic.
:)
no subject
Date: 2002-08-05 04:56 pm (UTC)2. What, me? A cynic?
Where did you get that idea?
Well, okay, maybe...
:)
Re:
Date: 2002-08-05 06:58 pm (UTC)but a sweet and loving one
you'll grow out of it
;)
no subject
Date: 2002-08-06 07:42 am (UTC)to age from cynicism.
Do you still love me?
Re:
Date: 2002-08-06 08:26 am (UTC)it's the choices you make that
make you who you are
no subject
Date: 2002-08-07 08:07 am (UTC)That haiku should be on a
nice Hallmark-type card.
Re:
Date: 2002-08-07 10:03 am (UTC)are ok in some threads, but
not in my journal??
no subject
Date: 2002-08-08 11:03 am (UTC)feely you all over your
journal and his, too!
Re:
Date: 2002-08-08 11:35 am (UTC)i'd better stop before my
keyboard gets wet(ter)
no subject
Date: 2002-08-09 08:17 am (UTC)Oh the things your keyboard does
to me - I'm gasping!
Re:
Date: 2002-08-09 09:06 am (UTC)CPR. just be calm and
breathe deeply, smurfchick
no subject
Date: 2002-08-05 12:11 pm (UTC)For me, the word manipulation when someone is knowingly trying to change your thoughts/opinions/actions regardless of whether the intent is good or bad. I know some people unconsciously do that, and there's not such a clear cut answer for that. One one hand, if you don't realize that you're doing it, can you really be held accountable for it? On the other hand, simply speaking to another individual can have an effect on their thoughts/feelings/etc..but is that manipulation? If I walk down the street and glare at someone, and they get in a bad mood, did I manipulate them? And sometimes, people have very neutral opinions about things, and don't really care one way or the other, yet in talking to their friends, find that the friend has very strong views in one direction, so that can naturally influence one's thinking, but I wouldn't call that manipulation. The friend isn't TRYING to change anyone's mind..just expressing their own. It's human nature for us to kind of adopt thoughts and opinions of people that we hold in high regard.
Don't you think? ;)
no subject
Re:
Date: 2002-08-05 07:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-08-05 04:51 pm (UTC)I would say yes, because you did something, you expended energy and that expense brought about a change in someone else. And then that person who is now in a bad mood might be snappy at a cashier, and so on and so on and so on.
I don't necessarily see manipulation, in the true sense of the word, as a bad thing. When I took a pottery class, I manipulated the clay into beautiful (sort of) things. When I work hard at making a friendship or other relationship work, I manipulate a dynamic into something wonderful.
In other news, there was a delivery attempt for the bunny while I was out. BASTARDS! You wanna sit at my house while I'm at my job interview? ;)
Re:
Date: 2002-08-05 08:53 pm (UTC)Well considering work isn't expecting me in tomorrow....
no subject
Date: 2002-08-05 09:21 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-08-05 09:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-08-05 09:30 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-08-05 09:33 pm (UTC)Umm...
Date: 2002-08-05 10:01 pm (UTC)Re: Umm...
Date: 2002-08-06 07:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-08-05 04:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-08-05 04:52 pm (UTC)Sigh.
Re:
Date: 2002-08-05 04:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-08-05 04:56 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-08-05 04:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-08-05 05:35 pm (UTC)