Successfully social.

[judecorp]

I saw a bunch of people today. I crawled out of bed and did all of those water chores, and then I took Jen to get her root canal. While I was waiting for her to get done, I hung out with doulamel who was playing hooky, and she bought me lunch! (Thank you.) Then I picked Jen up and we got to chill on the couch and watch Short Shorts which was... okay. Some shorts were good, some sucked. We then headed to Unemployed Alcoholic Night with Sean, Missy, Ryan, and Krusty. Jen was hungry and not feeling well, so we got her some food and headed home, where we watched the first two episodes of Buffy. (Now I can't say I never saw any episodes, I guess. I am just like everyone else.)

One of the shorts was about a couple who were trying to get pregnant. I had been pondering on the topic for most of the afternoon, and the downer of two beers didn't particularly help. I realized that there really isn't much of a place for me in the babymaking business. Much to my chagrin, I can't /really/ impregnate someone. But I can't get pregnant, either. So where do I fit in with all of this business? I mean, I have no problem adopting, in fact, I've always wanted to... but unless I live in a state that allows second-parent adoption, I'm SOL if my partner wants to have a baby or adopt. The whole thing is just so sticky.

Jennifer was a real angel about the whole thing, though. She's always very calm and understanding, and definitely listens and pays attention. She even offered, at one point, to carry one of my own fertilized eggs. That's not really an offer I would entertain, but it really meant a lot to me. That girl is amazing.

grrlpower posted something recently about how glad she was that she is a lesbian, about how she loves being involved with women because of the way she can connect with them. I have to say, I've got to agree with her - she's one smart cookie. There have been so few women in my life that I've actually totally connected with, and I always thought that it was proof that I wasn't meant to be with women (even though they are so much cuter!). But the more I think about it, the more I realize that there haven't been that many guys I've totally connected with, either. I was just friends with more of them, so it was easier to date them and start those connections.

The weird thing is that most of my "serious" relationships were with guys, and I don't think of them very often. I don't feel the pull of them. But there are women that I was with for very short times, or hardly above a surface level, or even mostly in my mind (yeah, that's you, laurajones, do with it as you will) - but I would revisit them in my mind, over and over and over. A touch, a smell, an idea, a brief fantasy... girls are hard for me to let go of.

Oh... and I have some relationship goals. Yes.

Comments

[ntiva.livejournal.com]

Interesting about the adoption thing. You know that Jeff and I are adopting, right? But what is 'second parent adoption'? I've never heard of that. Let me know if you need adoption resources. I know we're just starting out, but I can share what I know so far.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yes! I know that you and Jeff are adopting, and I am looking forward to following along with the two of you as you go through the process. I've wanted to adopt children since I was (no joke) 8 years old, and I've only ever known a few people who have adopted children, and their situations have all been so different!

Second parent adoption basically allows a person to adopt a child without the "first parent" losing any parental rights. In my specific case, it would mean, basically, that if my partner were to have a child, I would then be able to adopt the child and become the child's second legal parent.

[ntiva.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the definition. :) But why would it be a problem? Why would someone not want that to happen? (I feel very ignorant right now)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Why would someone not want that to happen?

I wish I had a good answer for you. I would imagine that it probably wasn't too much of an issue until same-sex couples started wanting to co-parent children. Some people don't like that idea at all.

Originally, there was an idea that married parents were the best environment to raise children, so only married couples could adopt. And then single people could adopt. I think it's just a way to reinforce society's idea of who should be raising children.

[shadist.livejournal.com]

about how she loves being involved with women because of the way she can connect with them.

I would tend to say the same is possible in a hetero relationship.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying it's not possible - I'm just referring to grrlpower saying what was true /for her/.

Re:

[shadist.livejournal.com]

Yep

:)

I didn't think ya were.


We all long to find that, searching for it with everyone we are interested in.

[carina-s.livejournal.com]

There have been so few women in my life that I've actually totally connected with

I feel this way too- about girls AND guys (as you mention). While I really enjoy most people's company, I almost always feel separate and different. This is probably something in my own mind - I think it kinda grows from shyness in my youth, and the fact that I really enjoy discussing serious issues and many of the people I know either don't like to, or get too emotional about it to have a discussion.

Really, I'm just rambling. I just get what you are saying.

I also think it f'ing sucks that you can't adopt together. You should be able to.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I think I am somewhat of a "connection snob." I have such high expectations of the people I connect with - I'm quick to call people acquaintances but slow to call them friends, especially good friends or real friends. I like to limit the amount of people that I let into my insides, and I've found that caution works well for me.

I guess that's why I've had so few serious intimate relationships. I don't usually want to get to the part where I let people into my deep, dark secrets.

MEEP BLEEP.

[doulamel.livejournal.com]

It's not playing hooky if you're sick!!!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I know you were sick. I was just teasing.

Are you feeling better?

[doulamel.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Slept a TON last night, that helped a lot.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yay!!

[sudrin.livejournal.com]

Not to be mean, or even say this with an unkind thought in my heart, but I would like to say, in defense of men. I think a lot of men DO try and "connect" with women. I know I always have. Its not an easy task at all. Clearly that is a two way street in Relationship City. However, that being said, I remember what it was like when I waited in line for Star Wars, Episode I. As a Star Wars fan, you knew everyone else in line was also a Star Wars fan so you could automatically talk about that.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I think maybe I was unclear. I don't think it's impossible for women to connect with men. On the contrary, there are several men in my life that I have been extremely close friends with, and have certainly connected with.

I think your analogy to Star Wars is good (though geeky). It's not that you /can't/ connect with non-Sat Wars fans (like myself), it's that you know you /can/ connect with them on some things just on the basis of that.

You know?

[kieron.livejournal.com]

The following states (and districts) allow 2nd Parent adoption:

DC, IL, MA, PA, NY, NJ, VT
The following have specific laws allowing 2nd parent adoption:
CA, VT, CT

The following states have one or more counties that allow 2nd parent adoption:
AK, HI, DE, IN, IA, LA, MA, MN, NV, NM, OR, RI, TX, WA

The following do not allow 2nd parent adoption and/or have laws specifically banning Lesbian and Gays from any sort of adoption or fosterage:
CO, NE, OH, WI, FL, UT, MS


Luckily we will not live in most of those places that SUCK. And when we do start a family, no matter how we do it (if we do it at all), it will be in a place that protects us both, or we will not do it at all...

Luckily, again, we already played with the idea of living in a couple of the "good" states;)


Any child that I would want or have or adopt or WHATEVER, will have the benefits of being your legal responsibility as well;) I am not going into this alone! if ever;)


In other news, thank you for doing the driving to and from the dentist. I wish that we could have stayed longer at alchoholic unemployed night.......sorry to have dragged us away because of my stupid tooth......

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thank you for doing the research, though I've come up with slightly different information at http://www.hrc.org/familynet/chapter.asp?article=209. Where did you get yours?

p.s. You're very welcome for the ride to the dentist, and no worries about last night. Thanks for going even though you felt like poo!

[kieron.livejournal.com]

Mine must be a little out of date..,.I found a pdf file through google regarding the stopping of a plan to prohibit second parent adoption and it liste dthe information I posted....I am glad, however, that Ohio doesn't suck so much!:)


p.s. I love you very much;)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, good! Because I love YOU.

[kieron.livejournal.com]

Rock ON!

[kat-chan.livejournal.com]

Isn't Rhode Island only one county, anyhow??? ;) I just had to get that dig in on Jude, being a native of Connecticut, myself. ;)

As for OH, I know that the Dave Thomas Foundation people have been applying pressure on the legislature to allow second-parent adoption; which is kind of weird given how anti-gay Dave Thomas has been painted in the community. But even when he was still alive, Dave's philosophy was that it shouldn't matter what the sex of adoptive parents were, as long as they'd provide a loving home to a child. The foundation has also been a vocal opponent of the anti-gay adoption laws in Florida, and have been teaming with Rosie in trying to get those laws overturned.

In this fight, I think that the community's biggest ally will be the Dave Thomas Foundation, since they have close ties to the Republicans. We can only hope that, in the end, people will realize that the gender of the parents is completely irrelevant, so long as children have a loving home.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Hey now... there are at least TWO counties in Rhode Island, you little turd. :)

And I agree about the Dave Thomas Foundation. Aside from the link to the Republicans, the Foundation also has a TON of money, and is pretty well respected in terms of looking out for children's welfare.

[kat-chan.livejournal.com]

I think that there are three counties, actually. ;)

I just had to give you a little guff over Rhode Island. ;)

[kieron.livejournal.com]

According to Jude and the more up to date HRC website, OH actually allows 2nd parent adoption now.

Did you know that while Rhode Island is the smallest state, it has the longest name? Forgive me for not remembering what it is tho.....heh

*cough*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

"State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations"

[kat-chan.livejournal.com]

Rhode Island and Providence Plantations...ayup!

[rachelmichellek.livejournal.com]

i didn't know you were interested in adoption. i ahve always wanted to adopt, too.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

When I was eight, I decided I wasn't going to birth any kids. I guess "God" was listening, because I'm sterile.

Whee!