I shouldn't have had that iced coffee at 10pm.

[judecorp]

I suppose I never really explained what came of the big explosion this afternoon. In all actuality, it was rather cathartic and probably very necessary. I was purportedly in a bad mood because of the weather, and just generally feeling lousy. She was purportedly in a bad mood because of her job.

What really happened was that an incident occured last night that really threw us both for a loop. We were watching Gay TV with Peas and Sarah, and I was being bratty and laying across the couch. To try to get me up, Jen sat down and leaned back on me, basically trying to squish me into submission (I think). What actually happened, though, was that she was pressing down really hard on me and my diaphragm, and I couldn't get enough air. I could breathe, but too shallow to really get enough oxygen, so I kept pushing at her. Everyone was laughing, which was making me laugh, too, but since I couldn't breathe, laughing was really kicking my butt. So I was telling her to stop, and that I couldn't breathe, and she didn't stop.

Eventually it was all too much, and I started with those really asthmatic-like coughs that sound like your lungs are being scraped off, and I was wheezing really badly. She got off me then and I sat up and was just coughing and coughing.

I was really scared, not only because I couldn't breathe (and have this weird fear of strangulation), but because I had said "Stop" several times and everyone kept laughing. I've been in other situations where I've wanted some sort of activity (playing or otherwise) to stop, and it hasn't, and it really creeped me out. She was freaked out because she felt that she hurt me and hadn't meant to, and that her rough-housing went too far. But last night, both of us were really upset about it but neither of us talked about it. I don't think either of us knew where to begin or what to say.

Basically, that incident was really nagging on both of us and coloring everything. And it wasn't until everything had blown out of proportion (about her job woes and my feeling lousy) that we actually ever brought up the whole smooshing thing.

So yeah. Mental note: let's not wait until that happens again, okay?

I should be sleeping. I have to bring Lemur to work tomorrow.

Comments

[mermil.livejournal.com]

That is both random and upsetting. I would have been upset at everyone there, although I guess they had no way of knowing you really couldn't breathe. I'm glad you and Jen cleared the air though. Although the conversation you had I can't imagine, really..."Jen, new rule, no more sitting on me." "Right!"

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah - it was just totally a screwed up situation where everything goes too far. Maybe everyone's laughter blocked her hearing me tell her to stop? Who knows? All I know is, "No sitting on me," is definitely a new rule. :)

[michael622.livejournal.com]

Might I suggest a safe word? Granted, it's usually only used by really really kinky people, but you say things like this have happened before. So maybe if, instead of saying 'stop', you say, 'yellow', it means HEY GUYS? REALLY, STOP. I MEAN IT.

Might help?

[kieron.livejournal.com]

When she said stop, this is hurting me I immediately stopped. Unfortunately with the laughter going on by everyone, I didn't get the message sooner- it was like "ha ha ha, stop...." in a too much tickling sort of way....(I don't tickle Jude though because she said she doesn't like it so it never happens). I also didn't realize I was pressing on her diaphram...it started on her hip....therefore making it harder for her to get her words out. I also feel absolutely horrified that it happened.

The other situations she is talking about were not with me - so a safe word may not do in this case.

[michael622.livejournal.com]

Ah, I see ... I know how that can happen, it's happened to me and because of me before.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Heh, I just said the same thing.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how clear I was. The "not stopping" thing has never happened with Jen before - it's happened with other people that I did not feel safe with, and it brought up bad memories.

For example, I once dated this guy who found it highly amusing that I really really don't like zerberts or raspberries or whatever you call them. And so he used to hold me down and zerbert my belly, and I would /freak out/. So then he thought it was funny to just /pretend/ like he was going to do it, he would take this huge breath and go down near my belly... and then stop.

Yeah, great guy, I know.

So while your suggestion for a safe word is a good one, I don't really see this situation happening again. And even if we /had/ had a safe word, she probably wouldn't have heard it over the laughter, if she didn't hear "stop."

[grrrrrindigo.livejournal.com]

I got squished by Kel not too long ago too... we were wrestling and she had her arm across my chest... we were both laughing really hard and loud and she couldn't hear me tell her to stop cause I couldn't breathe, she didn't until I started coughing really hard which I imagine was what yours was like. I know how you feel though so I just wanted to extend an internet hug... hope you're doing ok...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It was a really sucky feeling, coughing like that. Usually I only cough that hard when I'm sick and congested. Ugh.

I'm sorry it happened to you, too. One of those situations where weird stuff just happens, like when you bonk your heads together.

[grrrrrindigo.livejournal.com]

Yeah that coughing kinda screwed me up for a couple days too. She felt really bad about it and hasn't really "rough-housed" with me since.

I think it would've been easier to bonk heads... :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

When I was dating my ex, we always seemed to end up injuring each other playing sports and rough-housing around. Every time I would go visit my family, my dad would ask me if I was getting abused. It was kind of funny (not being abused, but having all kinds of suspicious injuries).