Accept and just get by, like my father learned to do.

[judecorp]

I think I need to reevaluate some things in my life. Namely, I need to think about what kind of friend I am, and what kind of friend I want to be. I like to think of myself as a really attentive and adaptable person, but maybe that's not the case. Maybe I don't deal with change well, or maybe I'm just quick to find something personal to take out of an interaction. I'm not really sure. All I know is that some things need to change.

Well, that's not entirely true. Lots of things /are/ changing, and I suppose that's part of the issue. I find it hard to balance the changes in myself, the changes in others, and the changes in the combined situations. Balance is so important to me, and when I feel like I don't have a grip on that, I get anxious.

I guess part of the problem is that I got really attached to a group of people. I suppose some sort of readjustment or detachment is in order. I just don't know who makes that call - me? them? a combination of the two would be best, but how do you begin that sort of discourse? Why are attachments so darned complicated?

It's been a long time since I've lived in one place for so long. Maybe I don't know how to deal with these issues because I've always just moved away and started over again. I guess I just plain need to learn how to stay. And to adapt.

And every time we fight, a cold wind blows our way. But we can learn, like the trees, how to bend, how to sway...

Comments

[mayna.livejournal.com]

Usually things just fade away if you grow apart from people you're friends with.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, why does that bother me so much?

[elspazz0.livejournal.com]

In my (admittedly humble) opinion, its best to just let certain people drift away. Everyone isn't *meant* to be a fixture in your life.

However, the ones that *are* going to stick around are ultimately going to see you through all times good and bad. Futhermore - they won't expect you to make a lot of one-sided effort to keep them close. They will *want* to be close - they won't *let* themselves fade out of your life.

I'm not saying to slam the door in peoples' faces, or to go about burning bridges... but putting a lot of unreciprocated effort into relationships only leads to resentment, and in the end, that will be just as destructive (or perhaps even more so) than just letting the friendship die a natural death.

doo bee doo bee doo bee!

[prudentlike.livejournal.com]

putting a lot of unreciprocated effort into relationships only leads to resentment,</>

That is so very, very true.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I've never really been one for resentment. Putting effort into one-sided endeavors always leaves me feeling sad.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

On an intellectual level, I totally agree with you. In fact, what you said to me is probably almost word-for-word what I would say to someone else. (Heck, I probably have!)

It's hard for me, though, to not take "fading away" personally. I am so critical of myself and spend so much time analyzing every aspect of my life that it's almost second nature for me to wonder, "What did I do to change things?" and "What is wrong with me all of a sudden that they don't like me anymore?" I try to find that one magic bullet that explains everything, even though I know in my head that it's never one thing, or one person.

I have so many really great people all around me here that it seems stupid, even to me, to be lamenting drifting friendships. But I can't help it. I'm pretty particular about who I give my time to, and it just always feels like a swift kick in the ass when something like this happens.

[elspazz0.livejournal.com]

I have so many really great people all around me here that it seems stupid, even to me, to be lamenting drifting friendships.

YEAH! Why be sad when you have *me* and Carlos Carlos?!!

Tee hee. Just kidding.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Dude, you and Carlos Carlos would get SO sick of me. ;)

[communista.livejournal.com]

Doooooooooon't let meeeeeeeeeeeeeee gooooooooooo baybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! *cries*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Quitcher cryin', gimpy. :)

[kieron.livejournal.com]

Some friendships are those that are people who live near you and you see almost or possibly regularly and the depth of feelings is one sided or immature at best.

Some friendships are those just made and it seems like you have known each other forever and it doesn't feel like work even when it is.

Some friendships last the years and the distance and become more.

Some friendships do not.

Whatever you offer a friendship you should get at least that back. And if you don't-then maybe it isn't worth it.

I like being one of those friends who can check back with you in a year and all will still be close(as we proved) or closer. And I like being one of those friends who becomes more and would kick the ass of anyone who hurt you.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I don't like the expression "worth it" when it's directed at people. To me, people are always "worth it," especially so when I've already invested time and energy into them. That's why it's not easy for me to let go, and when there's no reason I can pinpoint, it is even more difficult for me.

:(

[prudentlike.livejournal.com]

Most friends come and go. The ones who are really worth having stick around.

If you feel like you're the only one putting in effort, or the friendship feels one-sided. It's best to let go.


Why are attachments so darned complicated?
If you figure that one out, please let me know.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Letting go is hardly my strong suit.

[prudentlike.livejournal.com]

I understand. :(

[prettyvacantone.livejournal.com]

It's kind of funny how all of us who have been affected by the same people can all come out of the woodworks to say "Yeah, it's just not worth it."

:-\ I think we've all gotten the same treatment at about the same time.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Out of the mouth of babes...

[goddamnelf.livejournal.com]

Not long ago, I tried to let the Stallion go, but he clings to me. It is hard letting go!



Just a little joke to lighten the mood.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Ha! I miss the Chub.

[carina-s.livejournal.com]

You're pissed at me for eating that second piece of cake, aren't you?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

YOU PIG!! Good god, couldn't you stop at ONE???!

[carina-s.livejournal.com]

CAPS CAPS!