Counseling, Round 1 *ding*

[judecorp]

Today I went to my first appointment with the therapist. I was nervous about going because, well, we have the same degree... so I always wonder how I'm going to react to that (and, well, how she is going to react to that). I guess in some ways it gives me hope because she had some work horror stories too and now has a good job. In other ways, it just reminds me that I could be doing more, you know? Aah well.

On the plus side, she's nice, and she's queer, and she's smart, and she has a similar approach to therapy as I did when I was a therapist: start low with your diagnoses and work your way up to more serious things. She told me that I probably just have Seasonal Affective Disorder and that I should consider trying tanning. And then when I balked, she reminded me that not all people who go tanning are leathery old ladies. Good. Because I don't like leather, you know.

On the minus side, she does too much of that textbook "reflective listening" stuff that goes right up my butt, and she disclosed a little too much about herself for a first session - I mean, it was about /me/, not her. I tell her I don't like my job, and she asks where I work, and I tell her, and of course she knows what it is because she's a social worker for crying out loud, and then tells me /her/ horror story about when she interviewed there. HELLO, TMI! Because, well, one of my concerns was, "I don't like my job." How on earth was it productive for her to tell my why my workplace sucks? Poor choice, I think.

I also let her know that I had Baby Fever big time, and so she then pulls out pictures of her newborn baby and tells me all about how I should just get a baby. And I'm all like, "Umm, my partner wants to wait," and she says, "No, tell her to get a baby now." So I say, "Sure, I'll tell her you say so," knowing that she's kidding but also thinking it was a poor choice. I don't know if I made myself entirely clear throughout the hour... it takes me a while to really say what I mean because I have a hard time expressing myself. I suppose that will change with time. Or, at least, as time passes I will have had more time to get things out.

I just don't know how to explain to her that I can't really pinpoint what is bothering me, except that I worry that whatever /is/ bothering me is affecting my relationship, or could. And that's hard to explain when all I can say is how wonderful my relationship is and how much I love and value my partner, and how secure I feel and how I want things to move forward. And then I'm like, "Uhhh... I worry that my relationship is suffering." Sometimes I don't make sense. So I settled on, "I've been getting irritated really easily and am overly sensitive." We'll see what happens.

Damn, those newborn baby pictures did /not/ help, especially after I held and fed a 4-week-old baby today at work for an hour. What's worse is that every time I get /near/ a baby at work, everyone stops to tell me how "fitting" it looks. Today even my supervisor (who always seems mildly squicked - but not on purpose - about Jen and I being two women who want to be parents) said, "You guys need to get going on that baby thing."

No pressure, Magpie.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_epiphany_girl_/]

Aw, *hug*

Therapy... big step. I'm glad you took it.

I'd be uncomfortable with a lot of what she did, too. Ugh. You could set better boundaries with her next time, maybe? I dunno. She needs to know, though, that those remarks didn't help.

*smooch*

Hang in there. We can be baby crazy together.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I am definitely going to mention it next week. I mean, she's great to talk to... but I don't know if right now she's great to /pay/ to talk to... especially when money is already tight and Jen is going to start seeing her own person (which means more copays, chaching!).

I am so out of control with the baby thing. Gah. It needs to STOP.

[goddamnelf.livejournal.com]

Ok, you talked me into it. I look pretty good in a pair of boxers, but no promises on how I will look in a diaper. Also I will require regular feeding, or I get cranky. Sometimes I like to have my belly rubbed, it helps with digestion. And the last thing, I will wear a bonnet, but the first person that says "look at the pretty little baby!", gets a knuckle sandwich!!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Dude, that is so nasty but I laughed like crazy!

Come on over and I will spank your bottom, and then you can call Children's Services on me. ;)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_epiphany_girl_/]

On the baby thing, yeah, you know, I went to the bookstore after work, and the woman who gave the workshop today was there. Her little girl ran up to her and said, "I'm going to get this book and read it in the little kids chair."

But she said it in that garbled baby-speak. I couldn't help it. I said, "Oh, my ovaries..."

Come to think of it, that's probably not helping, huh?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh dear gods, NEED BABY NOW!!!

You're eeeeeeeeevil. :)

[luloubelle.livejournal.com]

I had a therapist like that once. Her husband had died in a car accident in the previous year, and she talked about him a lot. In fact, I think she often talked more than I did.

I hope you find your balance.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Ugh. That's horrible! This past fall, I was in a three-day training for work and the instructor spent the entire three days talking about problems she was having with her daughter. I wanted to scream.

I hope I find my balance, too. If next week is like this week, I'm going to have to shop around. I think I will mention it next week.

[sudrin.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm certainly not going to say it was the right thing for her to do, but my guess would be she is trying to open herself up to you to create some trust to allow you to do the same thing for her. I think its just like you though that you are like also analyzing her. :-) I do wonder however how differently you would feel about her if she wasn't "Queer"

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, I did specifically choose a queer therapist. It's not The Most Important thing to me, but it /is/ important, because a) I don't want a therapist who will freak out if I talk about having sex, and b) I don't want a therapist who will assume that all of my "issues" stem from queerness. :)

[transientdyke.livejournal.com]

So do the pluses outweigh the minuses? You spent a lot of time talking about how you didn't necessarily like her approach - did that overshadow your ability to talk to her about anything?

And I know what you mean about the TMI thing - I had my second session today, and we started talking about orgasms and my therapist alluded to some funny things. It didn't freak me out, though, it just reinforced how comfortable I felt precisely because I didn't mind. Well, a little :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I don't think it overshadowed my ability to talk to her... but I am not sure if it overshadowed my ability to talk to her therapeutically, you know? Like I said to Jen, "If I wanted to bitch about social work with another social worker, I would just go to work."

I'm going to see what happens next week. Because really, I can talk to other therapy-inclined people in a similar way without having to pay them.

[transientdyke.livejournal.com]

Were you guys about the same age? Would it help if you talked to someone older than you, so you felt like she was more of an "authoritative" figure?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I don't know how old she is. I would imagine she's at least 4 or 5 years older than me, because she seems to have had more work experiences than I've had, and because she owns a house and stuff.

Then again, I have a tendency to always think people are older than me, because I forget I'm 28. That's a good question.

[swisscheesed.livejournal.com]

Hey I don't have a social work degree, just three years of training as a hotline counsellor, so I'm totally with you with "reflective listening" (talking to someone won't help me because I know all the tricks. I mean, I USED all those same tricks, y'know), but isn't she NOT supposed to impose her own opinion of what you should do on you? That's like a major no-no. Help them consider their options but let the person make up their own damned mind is what I was taught.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's definitely a no-no... she was pretty much kidding, though, with the baby stuff. (I think.) I think she was probably just trying to get me to like her. I don't know... I'll have to see her again and see how it works, because I don't want to pay someone just to bullshit with them, you know?

The thing that /did/ bother me (a lot more than the baby thing) was when she was trashing my workplace. I mean, really, when someone comes in and says, "I have stress because I hate my job," I would think the therapeutic answer would NOT be to say, "Yeah, that place really sucks, let me tell you more reasons why..."

Argh.

You have SAD? Me TOO!

[thelastbard.livejournal.com]

It's funny -- although I don't have the degree nor the experience, I always thought about what my therapist was trying to extract from me (English degrees and psych degrees are not that different, I've decided). Sometimes you become so fixated on the chess match that the benefits are lost on you. Given your background, it will be doubly hard.

I genuinely think that because she knew a little of you background, vis-a-vi the workplace, that she might have tried too hard to gain your trust by overcompensating (sp) with personal details and percieved friendliness.

Maybe you and I could go tanning! :P

Re: You have SAD? Me TOO!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Ya, B! We could go tanning and turn into old leather ladies, and then we could eat beef jerky and get heartburn!

Heck, forget the tanning booth, let's just walk to Indian Writings a couple of times! (I have never in my life been so dark as when I worked at Philmont.)

p.s. Will you be there this summer? How about this spring? I will try to find money to visit you if we can do some hiking!!

Subtle inneundo follows, must be something inside

[thelastbard.livejournal.com]

I have a spot at the ranch until the end of August, and the only thing that I can see changing is the chance to take one of these jobs I applied for in the last few weeks.

Yah -- you can come visit and we could do some hiking. We could even do a little hiking outside of Santa Fe. I promise, my car won't break down, either!

Re: Subtle inneundo follows, must be something inside

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Well, I will cross your fingers on the job front, but if not I will have to find a way to save some money and do some gimpy bad-knee bad-ankle hiking with you. :)

I miss my B, even though he keeps promising to visit me and NEVER DOES!!

Re: Subtle inneundo follows, must be something inside

[thelastbard.livejournal.com]

CALL ME! The knee is better, but the ankle is a pain. The next time I'm out there, I WILL VISIT.

Re: Subtle inneundo follows, must be something inside

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I tried to call you tonight but couldn't reach you.

I meant YOUR ankle and MY knees. :)