(no subject)

[judecorp]

I can't concentrate on anything. I can't think. I start a form writing about one kid and end up finishing the form writing about some other family. And I know it's just because I'm upset and distracted, but screwing up like that and having to throw the form away and start over just makes me more upset.

I got terrible sleep. I couldn't fall asleep right away because I was upset, and at about 1:30am or so I guess I drifted off. Somewhere after 3am, Jen must have been dreaming, because she rolled over, shook me pretty hard saying, "Wake up!" and when I sat up in shock with my heart in my chest, she pointed to the ceiling and mumbled a bunch of nonsense like, "See it? See the black?" She promptly rolled over and started snoring, and I was so keyed up about being jerked awake that I didn't fall back asleep until 5am or so.

I have a headache like you would not believe. And heartburn, but that's probably because I haven't eaten anything. But I just don't feel like eating. I'm in a bad place.

I'll admit it to the world, shout it from the rafters: my divorce was my fault. I'm emotionally distant. With my parents. With my exes. It's my fault. I try really hard not to be that way, but it's tough, and it's slow-going, and it will happen in small increments. Being punished for it doesn't help.

Comments

[sudrin.livejournal.com]

Wow.. that's like right out of a Stephen King Novel "See the Black".. That's kinda chilling. I hope you feel better. Think about putting that flaming poop in front of Stephen King's house just like I always dreamed you would for me. ;-) (Sorry, I'm all about SK right now for some reason).

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Ha! You always DID want me to leave a poop bag on Stephen King's doorstep. Unfortunately I would have been arrested within 2.2 seconds! I still think it's crazy that he lived down the street from me for a while, ahhh the good old days in Maine.

[iansha.livejournal.com]

Being punished won't help.
Only time and a good person with whom you can confide, trust, and love will.

It is possible.
I'm trying to get there myself.

...he says that behind my eyes i'm hiding
and he tells me i pushed him away
that my heart's been hard to find...
//
...you came to make sure that i'm not running
well i ran from him in all kinds of ways
guess it was his turn this time...

Baker, Baker - Tori Amos

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I do hope you're right. Because really, I seem to be doing her more harm than good.

[folkyboy.livejournal.com]

what was the black? something in her sleep?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I have no idea. Sounds spooky to me.

[whirledpeas.livejournal.com]

HEY
Want me to check your mail every day for an envelope from "Super Licensing Testing People" and FAX it to you? I mean, there's got to be a kinkys (kinkos) or SOMETHING around where you're staying...

I'll do that
for you.
So you can move.
damnit.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Hey - I appreciate it. If it does come, you shouldn't have to fax it, because I doubt there's enough time for me to take it there anyway. Besides, I read some fine print that says that you have to wait 14 days from the time your payment is processed (in my case, Tuesday) to even register. WTF?

But if you /do/ see something from the ASWB (Association of Social Worker Boards), you can open it and call me and tell me if it says anything good.

But basically, sending that check which made my application be sent back set me back about 2.5 weeks, and I'm totally screwed now regardless.

Did you know they're changing the whole test format? Starting May 17th. Yeah, lucky me, I'll be taking a different test now.