So I'm taking 'em back. I'm taking 'em all back.

[judecorp]

I am so tired of being a grownup. I want my money back.

I am tired of having a dwindling savings account, and I am tired of having no paychecks to put in there. I am tired of having to worry about things like bills and rent and groceries. I am tired of having to go to work and learn all kinds of new crap so I can get said paycheck. I am tired of spending too much, of arguing over what to buy and what not to buy, of having to have discussions about using the air conditioner or buying new underwear.

I am tired of being completely incapable of making a relationship work. I am tired of bickering, disagreeing, discussing, misunderstanding, or any other word that really just means arguing. I am tired of frustration, of tears, of being run by my own emotions rather than rationality. I am tired of trying to keep two people's spirits upbeat instead of just keeping my own head above water. I am tired of trying and failing, trying and failing, and failing, and failing.

I am tired of wanting a confidante in my vicinity and not finding one. I just want a quiet corner with Peas, or with Coworker Sarah - someone with whom I can really spew all the real deal poison. I am tired of trying so hard to be a good person, a good worker, and a good partner and learning day after day that I really haven't worked out any of those.

Really, I just want to give it all back and go to summer camp, or maybe climb some trees in the woods. Heck, sitting in a Dirigo 8 as the sun rises over the south shore of Long Island sounds lovely right about now, too.

Comments

[whirledpeas.livejournal.com]

I love how you throw fits.
I'd like to buy you beer in a long neck bottle.

I miss you and it makes me sad to call you and know that there's a lot of distance between us. Not that we're distant with each other (you're one of my best friends, I know I can call you and we'll leave off wherever we left...)...but that there's MILES there.

Hrm. You make me miss you more.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I miss you so much it makes my gonads hurt. No, really.

*sulk*

I want to pack you guys up and mail you here to be our neighbors forever and ever and ever amen.

[whirledpeas.livejournal.com]

I know you're sad and all but you're starting to sound like a Country Music star.

....and that frightens me.

(I mean, I love you and I miss you just as much and we're coming up to visit you in the Fall. - Cept Kate has to come with us b/c she's driving us down there.)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

If I start wearing cowboy boots, will you disown me?

(And YAY for the fall! Was Kate the woman I met at Reba's? If so, I totally [heart] her, but not as much as you.)

[whirledpeas.livejournal.com]

She is!! And she totally hearts you! She left Tennessee and is now a housing coordinator at Weslean College in CT!!! She lives like 15 minutes from Hartford (which is cheapo to fly into!)

She was all sad to know that yall were moved (she came and stayed with us for a few days)...but then got excited when she realized you were in Boston.

I think she's plotting to steal you away.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oooh, Connecticut is not very far from us at all! :)

And she could never steal us away from you, but perhaps *I* will try to steal *her* from *you* instead. And use a lot of *asterisks* in the process! MWAHAHAHAAAAAA!

[jennbits.livejournal.com]

ditto. to all of it.

i wish i had one friend here. just one that i could really trust and feel comfortable with.

i wish i had enough money to actually NOT live paycheck to paycheck. it would be wonderful.

i just wish things were better.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It's so frustrating that it takes so long to lock in that one tight friend, you know? I mean, I have people here that I've known for years and years, and I love them, but I need that one person. That one single person (heck, I'd take two, two would be great!) that you can call at 3am, as supergoat would say, and know that they'd be there for you.

it's true...

[folkyboy.livejournal.com]

being an adult is sucky...

Re: it's true...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it's good. Like those times that you eat Reese's Pieces for lunch and there's no one to yell at you. :)

[iansha.livejournal.com]

I am tired of being completely incapable of making a relationship work. I am tired of bickering, disagreeing, discussing, misunderstanding, or any other word that really just means arguing. I am tired of frustration, of tears, of being run by my own emotions rather than rationality. I am tired of trying to keep two people's spirits upbeat instead of just keeping my own head above water.

Jude, that IS making a relationship work. Its when you stop trying and caring about those things that you've failed.

*hugs* I'll call and send you love from the Island this weekend.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

While I can certainly see the wisdom in your words from one perspective, and while I'm not foolish enough to believe that a good relationship never has problems, I think that what Jen and I have been experiencing over the last bunch of weeks has past "excessive" and into "dangerous."

[iansha.livejournal.com]

That has to be scary, hon.
I'm sorry you are feeling that way.
Moves, new jobs, etc can be IMMENSE stress on any relationship... even 'great' ones.

*hugs and love to you*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thank you for everything. I love you.

[mightywombat.livejournal.com]

*HUG* Me too... I don't wanna be a grownup.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Come up here and play with me!

[volumeat11.livejournal.com]

Every once in a while, you say EXACTLY what I've been thinking.

You're the best. No more words today.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You've been thinking about how your relationship with Jen has been suffering? JERK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING SCHLUPPING MY WIFE??!?! ;)

Seriously, thank you for everything in the whole world, because you are, as the kids say, the shizzle. I love you.

[volumeat11.livejournal.com]

shizzle my nizzle.

I don't know what that means.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

"fo shizzle my nizzle" is snoop-speak for "for sure my n----r"

[nikongirln70.livejournal.com]

Heck, sitting in a Dirigo 8 as the sun rises over the south shore of Long Island sounds lovely right about now, too.

oh my god, yes it does. :-/

bon courage mon chou, je sais que tout ira mieux bientot, toi, t'es forte! :D bisous

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I think that someday I shall have to come into the possession of a two-person scull and invite you to come along with me.

Je t'adore, mon amie photo.

[cranapril.livejournal.com]

It wasn't so long ago, I was the one who was 'tired' and you were the one putting things into perspective for me. Sometimes we just need to vent, to blow off some steam... go for a walk, find a punching bag (non-human preferred), shoot some hoops, throw some rocks into the Charles river, see how far you can kick a can, find a batting cage, take out some frustration on something and I think you'll find that once you've released some of this built up tension, you can focus again on what's most important to you... your loved ones and how happy they make you.

Hang in there, kiddo.
Smooches.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

find a punching bag (non-human preferred)

Man, you take all the fun out of everything!

(Kidding. I do appreciate what you have to say. Hang in there, kiddo.)

[sixelachuck.livejournal.com]

Word to the mutha!

I cannot agree more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Let's get 'em!

I'm with you

[not-hothead-yet.livejournal.com]

if I hadn't found ladylabyrinth I dont' know what I would have done with myself lo these past three years. I am so lucky to have her alongside me through all the shiite and thus I wonder how the hell I made it before I met her.

There's nothing like a bestest friend to keep you sane. I waited many years and went through a bunch of disappointing "friendships" before I met her. Keep the faith, you'll find someone. And even if your bestest pal is a long way away, it's better than some people who have no one. Waiting for The Lady, I at least had my old pal Spock. Though he lives in Cali and I am in GA, it helped a lot to know he was there if I really needed... just a phone call away.

Re: I'm with you

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I definitely have a best friend and confidante in my Jennifer and it certainly has helped me get through the trials and tribulations of that thing called life. I also have a best friend in the form of Jodie, who was my roommate in college and the closest thing I've ever had to a clone.

Throughout my life I have been graced with several people whom I would consider my best friends, whom I could discuss anything with. Unfortunately, none of them are local to me.

Call me selfish, but I want a good, close friend local to me so that I can have face-to-face conversations about life, the universe and everything. I hate the phone and I'm terrible about answering email, so f2f is best for me.

I am very blessed to have such great friends, and maybe I shouldn't be such a spoiled brat, but I am. :)