![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpI am so tired of being a grownup. I want my money back.
I am tired of having a dwindling savings account, and I am tired of having no paychecks to put in there. I am tired of having to worry about things like bills and rent and groceries. I am tired of having to go to work and learn all kinds of new crap so I can get said paycheck. I am tired of spending too much, of arguing over what to buy and what not to buy, of having to have discussions about using the air conditioner or buying new underwear.
I am tired of being completely incapable of making a relationship work. I am tired of bickering, disagreeing, discussing, misunderstanding, or any other word that really just means arguing. I am tired of frustration, of tears, of being run by my own emotions rather than rationality. I am tired of trying to keep two people's spirits upbeat instead of just keeping my own head above water. I am tired of trying and failing, trying and failing, and failing, and failing.
I am tired of wanting a confidante in my vicinity and not finding one. I just want a quiet corner with Peas, or with Coworker Sarah - someone with whom I can really spew all the real deal poison. I am tired of trying so hard to be a good person, a good worker, and a good partner and learning day after day that I really haven't worked out any of those.
Really, I just want to give it all back and go to summer camp, or maybe climb some trees in the woods. Heck, sitting in a Dirigo 8 as the sun rises over the south shore of Long Island sounds lovely right about now, too.
I am tired of having a dwindling savings account, and I am tired of having no paychecks to put in there. I am tired of having to worry about things like bills and rent and groceries. I am tired of having to go to work and learn all kinds of new crap so I can get said paycheck. I am tired of spending too much, of arguing over what to buy and what not to buy, of having to have discussions about using the air conditioner or buying new underwear.
I am tired of being completely incapable of making a relationship work. I am tired of bickering, disagreeing, discussing, misunderstanding, or any other word that really just means arguing. I am tired of frustration, of tears, of being run by my own emotions rather than rationality. I am tired of trying to keep two people's spirits upbeat instead of just keeping my own head above water. I am tired of trying and failing, trying and failing, and failing, and failing.
I am tired of wanting a confidante in my vicinity and not finding one. I just want a quiet corner with Peas, or with Coworker Sarah - someone with whom I can really spew all the real deal poison. I am tired of trying so hard to be a good person, a good worker, and a good partner and learning day after day that I really haven't worked out any of those.
Really, I just want to give it all back and go to summer camp, or maybe climb some trees in the woods. Heck, sitting in a Dirigo 8 as the sun rises over the south shore of Long Island sounds lovely right about now, too.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Re: I'm with you
Date: 2004-07-27 02:44 am (UTC)Throughout my life I have been graced with several people whom I would consider my best friends, whom I could discuss anything with. Unfortunately, none of them are local to me.
Call me selfish, but I want a good, close friend local to me so that I can have face-to-face conversations about life, the universe and everything. I hate the phone and I'm terrible about answering email, so f2f is best for me.
I am very blessed to have such great friends, and maybe I shouldn't be such a spoiled brat, but I am. :)